MNHQ here - should we support the campaign to end ‘rough sex’ defences?

[JustineMumsnet]

Hello

As lots of you will already know because their campaign originated on Mumsnet, the group We Can’t Consent To This has been running a campaign to end ‘rough sex’ defences - and we’d like to know what you think about MNHQ signing up as a supporter of their
campaign.

Their aim is to end a situation in which defendants can claim that the death of or injury to a woman was caused by ‘consensual sex games gone wrong’.

They say:

‘We’ve now found 60 UK women who’ve been killed by men who claim a sex game gone wrong - and in the last 5 years the defence was successful in 7 of the 17 killings of a woman which reached trial, with the man being found not guilty or receiving a manslaughter conviction. We've found many more women injured in what the accused men claim was consensual sexual violence.
Yet more women tell us it’s now commonplace to be assaulted and abused by men they’re dating, with 38% of UK women under 40 reporting being assaulted - choked, slapped, gagged or spat on - in otherwise consensual sex. That equates to 3.6 million women under 40 in the UK who have experienced unbidden violence in sex - and we know that women over 40 experience this too.
We do not believe that women can consent to their grievous injury or death, and will campaign until claiming this is no longer a useful defence.’
We Can’t Consent To This is currently lobbying to tackle these ‘rough sex defences’ by adding amendements to the Domestic Abuse Bill that is going through Parliament, meaning that now is the time to get writing to MPs to encourage them to support the changes.

We'd love to get behind this campaign but as ever we said we’d ask you what you thought - so please let us know by adding your thoughts here or voting YANBU for ‘Yes please I’d like Mumsnet to support this campaign’ and YABU for ‘No, I don’t think Mumsnet should support this campaign’. (Apologies for using the AIBU metric for this but it’s the best way we have at the moment to get a snapshot survey of people who’ve read the OP.)

Big thanks

[Iadoremylabrador]

Yes please

[OdeToDiazepam]

Yes please

[AnduinsGirl]

A wholehearted yes from me.

[FreezerBird]

Yes, absolutely.

I hadn't seen that letter before @Tappering; it's excellent. Did she get a reply?

[Vebrithien]

Yes, a million times, please support this campaign.

My beautiful violin teacher, Jane Longhurst, was murdered in March, 2003, when I was at 6th Form. Her burning remains were found 5 weeks later. My D1 maths exam was held in isolation, so I could attend her funeral.

Her murderer had strangled her, and then raped/violated her body when she was dead. There was evidence that he had continued to repeat this in the weeks after her death, until he disposed of her remains.

On trial, he attempted to use "rough sex" as a defence, and that Jane had agreed to be strangled.

Thankfully, there was enough evidence (including blood stains, and.his internet history lots of strangling and necrophilic porn) that the jury found him guilty. But it still took 9 hours of them deliberating.

Hand on heart, I find it hard to believe that he would be found guilty at present.

It wasn't that long ago that it was legal to rape in marriage. If "rough sex" can be used as a defence, then surely this means that it is legal to murder during sex.

We can't consent to this.

[napody]

Yes.

[TheAdventuresoftheWishingChair]

Please do. It's such an important issue

[toothgenie]

100% yes

[3rdNamechange]

Yes , definitely

[PurplePonderer]

Yes

[AwrightDoreenTakeAFuckinDayOff]

No need to ask.

Just do.

[norijunior]

Yes, emphatically yes.

[JackiFazaki]

Yes of course support it.
My work colleague, many years ago, was murdered. Her killer attempted to claim this as a defence.

[BobbinThreadbare123]

Yes - why would you even need to ask?

[Babdoc]

Absolutely, yes. And it is beyond shocking that 38% of young women have experienced violent abuse during sex. Porn culture has “normalised” the vile mistreatment of women by men, and although your campaign is a great start, we need to do far more to educate our young people, and empower young women, to stamp out these appalling attitudes.

[SirSamuelVimesBlackboardMonito]

Yes. Obviously. Yes.

[TheShoesa]

Yes, please do

[MoltenLasagne]

Yes definitely.

I would also like to see non-fatal strangulation become a crime as it has in NZ and AUS. Currently under E&W law it is only a crime if it is used to carry out another violent act such as rape or assault.

[FoxglovesRosesandPeonies]

Yes!

[ProfYaffle]

100% yes.

[StillWeRise]

yes definitely
@Vebrithien thank you for sharing that awful story, the more we understand that this can happen to anybody the less likely it is for this defence to work, or to be allowed

[FreeKitties]

Yes, this is a huge women’s issue and brands like mumsnet supporting it give it credibility.

[CourtneyLurve]

If you're getting heat for supporting women's causes/free speech you might as well go all in. Thank you for asking.

[FreeKitties]

Edit I should have added:

Because because women’s rights campaigners are often ignored.

[TanteRose]

@Babdoc

Absolutely, yes. And it is beyond shocking that 38% of young women have experienced violent abuse during sex. Porn culture has “normalised” the vile mistreatment of women by men, and although your campaign is a great start, we need to do far more to educate our young people, and empower young women, to stamp out these appalling attitudes.

Yes to backing the campaign and absolutely agree with Babdoc