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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not give a lift to take 3 year old relative to hospital.

89 replies

GetATaxi · 03/06/2020 16:46

My niece was in hospital on Monday night they originally suspected Covid but it turned out to be a water infection.

My sister has rung the doctor back because my niece has only passed urine twice since and they have told her to take her back to the hospital. She also has another younger child.

She rang me to ask for a lift to the hospital which I said yes to. Her supposed ex was going to look after their younger child. I say supposed because I am fairly sure they are actually a couple and she is just lying.

She then text me and said actually she is going to stay home with younger child so can I give supposed Ex a lift instead with my niece.

I said no. I gave her money for a taxi instead so didn't leave them with no way of getting to the hospital. I still enabled them to get there.

My reason for saying no is that her supposed ex is massively abusive, mainly to her but it has spilled over to the rest of the family.

He has locked me in his house, pushed me up against a wall, spat at me, told my own abusive ex my new address after I moved to escape him, tried to have me arrested for assaulting him (whilst I was locked in his house so no way I could be assaulting him). Dropped the babies on my doorstep and left before I even answered the door. Stolen from me, several times including a very expensive bike.

She won't leave him (she said she has at the weekend but I know she is lying) but I have told her I won't have anything to do with him after everything he has done (there is more but all of the same kind of stuff).

But having said that, my niece is ill. Possibly seriously ill and I feel like I should have been the bigger person.

So YABU - what the hell is wrong with you, you should have driven them.

YANBU - giving them money for a taxi is fine under the circumstances.

I feel sick with guilt, not helped when she had a go at me and said she can't believe I would be like this.

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 03/06/2020 18:52

Call SS and also call the hospital.

Explain the situation that they are under SS, he is abusive, the first time he was left alone with the child was the other night, she became ill and the mother was allowed back, now the child has a UTI and suddenly he is mysteriously keen to put himself out and go to hospital with them...

Please be blunt and say you are afraid your neice may have been abused and that he is there to be sure of what is said. Please could they flag it and be sure to be on the lookout for abuse.

Tappering · 03/06/2020 19:20

@FizzyGreenWater's advice is very sensible. This is a safeguarding matter now.

BlueJava · 03/06/2020 19:21

Of course YANBU, he sounds an absolute horror and should stay away from him completely.

Wasywasydoodah · 03/06/2020 19:28

YANBU. I was going to suggest calling hospital also - if she’s admitted then they should know that there are issues with him. And cal social services. Often it takes several referrals for things to happen.

LouHotel · 03/06/2020 19:31

Agree with safeguarding concerns and to phone SS, equally they both can’t be at the hospital OP, Covid means children can only be accompanied by one adult - your sister is lying to you.

FlyAwayLikeABird · 03/06/2020 19:41

I would have just said no. Why can't either of them pay for their own taxi to take their daughter to hospital. You were generous paying OP I would not have (unless both are extremely skint, I know I can get to our hospital for £10 in a taxi so not expensive unsure how far away yours is)

FlyAwayLikeABird · 03/06/2020 19:45

Oh OP I've just read updates. I do hope your niece is okay ❤ Do as others have suggested x

GetATaxi · 03/06/2020 19:49

I am sure its not that but I am taking the advice given and it is in the hands of the professionals.

It would be unfair on my niece to update further but be sure it won't just be ignored.

Still hoping its a massive bark up the wrong tree but social sevices involvement in this whole scenario can only be a good thing for the myriad of other reasons.

OP posts:
MamaGee09 · 03/06/2020 20:05

Pretty ironic that you’re sister says the lift to the hospital is about your niece and not her abusive partner, maybe she should think of her child every time she lets him back into Her life!

I would have done the same, I hope your niece is ok and that you’re sister wises up!

Abbazed · 03/06/2020 20:57

OP call the social before he kills them both.

RyanBergarasTeeth · 03/06/2020 21:41

The only thing yabu about is worrying about it. You did more than enough to ensure your neice got to the hospital even though its her parents responsibility not yours. You did the right thing. No contact with him no matter what.

RyanBergarasTeeth · 03/06/2020 21:43

Reading throughthe thread fizzy is correct flag this to ss as well.

Cantbelievethiss · 03/06/2020 23:38

Those poor children. They’ll be so damaged from this. A caring aunt is much needed Flowers

MamaLion1319 · 04/06/2020 13:23

Well I think that's ridiculous @GetATaxi what difference would it have made if you were the one driving them or not? Just ignore it you did the right thing.

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