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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU: boyfriend feels weird with me

96 replies

DaisyDoo121 · 02/06/2020 21:25

Hi, i've been with boyfriend for just over a year and we're mid 20s.
We go on socially distance walks and today things felt off.
We sat in a field with another household (friends) spread apart and had a lovely day.

However, on the way there he was joking about how fat my best friend was and he wonders if they'll (her and her boyfriend) be whales by now.
I told him I didn't find it funny him speaking about my best friend like that and he said he was only joking but that it's true.
And then things just felt quiet apart from him cracking jokes about weight.

As we waited for the friend couple to show up I told him I feel he's being a bit cocky today which is unlike him and he joked that he's just funny.

On the field, my friend's boyfriend mentioned that he was only eating fruit and a meal a day. On the way back my boyfriend joked to me that he was clearly lying looking at his weight.
He then started saying how tiny I look (I hate being called tiny) and I said "It was lovely on the field, thanks for coming, I love you" and he didnt say it back until 5 minutes later. He was probably joking but I feel insecure now i've got home.

He's been invited to a social-distance garden get together with his friends on Saturday - only 4 of them - but ever since he's heard he's being invited, it feels like he's just gone cocky is the only way i can describe it.

I just didnt feel like it was him today

OP posts:
DaisyDoo121 · 03/06/2020 12:03

I sent him a good morning message at 9 which he saw and blanked (he's furloughed so is at home). So about 2 minutes ago I sent a message asking him if everything is okay as he seemed different yesterday?

I know most of you are probably right but it doesnt stop this sick feeling i feel :(

OP posts:
Neap · 03/06/2020 12:06

Forget about him, and analyse your own feelings -- why on earth do you have a 'sick feeling' because a deeply unpleasant, crude man is no longer into you?

AtrociousCircumstance · 03/06/2020 12:07

Don’t chase him OP. I know that sick feeling is hard to ignore - try to distract yourself.

DaisyDoo121 · 03/06/2020 12:08

Because on the weekend things were great,
He bought pressnts for my sister's birthday and he was so lovey,
Yet yesterday he came across attiutudy.

I'm starting to feel angry that he counts humour as not saying 'i love you' back for 5 minutes

OP posts:
Elsiebear90 · 03/06/2020 12:09

He’s not into you any more and is trying to pick fights so you’ll dump him and he won’t look like the bad guy imo. Your anxious feeling is because you can sense something has changed in the relationship.

DaisyDoo121 · 03/06/2020 12:09

I know he's going to say something along the lines of
'You know me babe, that's just me and my humour'

OP posts:
Herecomestreble1 · 03/06/2020 12:12

Obviously I don't know the ins and outs of your situation but my ex started doing shit like this before he eventually broke up with me. As if it was his way of slowly pulling away from me.

Neap · 03/06/2020 12:14

I know he's going to say something along the lines of
'You know me babe, that's just me and my humour'

And that doesn't make your vagina slam shut and your better self say 'God, why have I wasted time on this idiot?'

DaisyDoo121 · 03/06/2020 12:16

I know he will also tell me that i'm not being fair.

But wouldnt anyone feel insecure/weird if their partner doesnt say i love you back and then gives them a "joke" kiss before they leave

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 03/06/2020 12:19

'You know me babe, that's just me and my humour'
I'd probably say - 'Well I suddenly don't like YOU anymore. Your 'humour' is not funny. It's insulting and nasty. I thought I knew you 'babe' but you are now showing your true colours by fat shaming and being an insensitvie prick. So bye bye!'
Job done!

misssoaps · 03/06/2020 12:20

Sounds like he's trying to pull away, or that he's got someone else lined up... I want to tell you to play at his own game, act like he is and not message back ect... but the grown up in me says you need to talk to him... tell him what he's doing is making you feel insecure. If he fobs you off he's not the man for you, he should care about your feelings.

SistemaAddict · 03/06/2020 12:24

Don't chase him. You'll only feed his arrogant ego.

SleepingStandingUp · 03/06/2020 12:30

Op what will happen if you have a baby and put on weight? Lots of Mom's struggle to lose baby weight.

Tbh he sounds 15,and I'd dump him for the comments about your best friend and you're mom

sonjadog · 03/06/2020 12:32

Don´t chase him. He isn't a great guy. There are lots of small signs of that. I know when you really like someone it takes a while to get your head around it, but this guy, he isn't good enough for you.

backseatcookers · 03/06/2020 12:53

I know he's going to say something along the lines of 'You know me babe, that's just me and my humour'

Ok well if it's his humour then you need to decide if you want to be with someone whose sense of humour is nasty. Do you?

wildcherries · 03/06/2020 14:20

@DaisyDoo121

I know he will also tell me that i'm not being fair.

But wouldnt anyone feel insecure/weird if their partner doesnt say i love you back and then gives them a "joke" kiss before they leave

He's not a nice person. He's making you feel shit and having you doubt the validity of your own instincts and emotions. Don't chase him. He'll know he can behave as he likes, as long as he's being good once in a while. Don't give him the satisfaction. There are better men out there.
Asthenia · 03/06/2020 14:41

Ugh I would be so put off by a man who spoke about anyone like that, let alone my best friend. How vile.

cheesyrats · 03/06/2020 15:49

@DaisyDoo121

I know he's going to say something along the lines of 'You know me babe, that's just me and my humour'
... to be shortly followed by:

"It's just banter, why are you so upset?"

"You are far too sensitive, can't you take a joke?"

"You're just being ridiculous now."

"No I didn't say that, why are you making things up?"

CuriousaboutSamphire · 03/06/2020 15:54

Run a little experiment ,OP.

Don't message him again. Wait for him, see how he treats you when you don't cause him for contact.

It sounds as though something has changed

BarbedBloom · 03/06/2020 16:09

Wow. I would have dumped him there and then to be honest. How dare he speak about your friend that way.

AtrociousCircumstance · 06/06/2020 11:07

How’s it going OP?

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