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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU: boyfriend feels weird with me

96 replies

DaisyDoo121 · 02/06/2020 21:25

Hi, i've been with boyfriend for just over a year and we're mid 20s.
We go on socially distance walks and today things felt off.
We sat in a field with another household (friends) spread apart and had a lovely day.

However, on the way there he was joking about how fat my best friend was and he wonders if they'll (her and her boyfriend) be whales by now.
I told him I didn't find it funny him speaking about my best friend like that and he said he was only joking but that it's true.
And then things just felt quiet apart from him cracking jokes about weight.

As we waited for the friend couple to show up I told him I feel he's being a bit cocky today which is unlike him and he joked that he's just funny.

On the field, my friend's boyfriend mentioned that he was only eating fruit and a meal a day. On the way back my boyfriend joked to me that he was clearly lying looking at his weight.
He then started saying how tiny I look (I hate being called tiny) and I said "It was lovely on the field, thanks for coming, I love you" and he didnt say it back until 5 minutes later. He was probably joking but I feel insecure now i've got home.

He's been invited to a social-distance garden get together with his friends on Saturday - only 4 of them - but ever since he's heard he's being invited, it feels like he's just gone cocky is the only way i can describe it.

I just didnt feel like it was him today

OP posts:
AwrightDoreenTakeAFuckinDayOff · 02/06/2020 22:35

24?

My arse.

That isn’t how 24 year olds act.

However, on the plus side you will hopefully be very much socially distancing from him now.

Like permanently.

backseatcookers · 02/06/2020 22:35

Do you want to be with someone nasty?

I mean I would never say something like that about anyone, let alone someone's friend.

Because I'm not nasty,

You're a year in and you've both had some time apart to reflect on the relationship.

A year is about the time people are off best behaviour and being themselves.

If he was like this all the time would you want to be with him?

If he'd been like this on your first date would you have gone on a second one?

To be honest if someone spoke about my friend like that I would have gone home / told them not to bother joining me for the rest of the day.

Original poster
DaisyDoo121 · 02/06/2020 22:37

I just feel weird about the whole day, all just seems so out of character.
Usually we see each other and I come home feeling great but I can't help but feeling like something is wrong.
I just have an anxious feeling inside me

OP posts:
SecretSpAD · 02/06/2020 22:37

You're not being silly. Trust your instincts. He's a nasty, childish man. There are no excuses for anyone to poke fun at someone for how they look.

Eventually it will be you on the receiving end.

Get rid.

AwrightDoreenTakeAFuckinDayOff · 02/06/2020 22:39

The only thing wrong is his nastiness. And possibly the fact that you are sounding as though you are still with him.

Sod being with a nasty chippy bastard.

Cinderella66 · 02/06/2020 22:45

The 'wrong' you have done is that you stood up to him, that's why he was petulant. He sounds horrible.

Sparklesocks · 02/06/2020 22:48

@DaisyDoo121

I just find it offensive because my mum is very overweight. I wouldnt even say my friend is "fat". Yes she is medically considered overweight but she's not morbidly obese. She's just an average weight and it suits her.

I told him I found he was being quite nasty. He then said he doesn't like overweight people and don't understand why they just cant lose weight Hmm

I then said it's not as if they're almost bedbound. They've just gained a few pounds over the years which most people do!

My mum is overweight and has been up and down with her diets. So what? If she's happy then why is it his concern?

If he thinks those things about your friend then he thinks them about your mum too.

I don’t understand why you’d want to be with someone like that in all honesty? Someone you know is quietly (or in some cases loudly) judging your friends’ and mother’s appearance? It would be a dealbreaker for most.

CrazyToast · 02/06/2020 23:03

he doesnt like overweight people

Wow. What a horrible thing to say. If he dislikes people based purely on their size then he is a piece of shit.

Lifeisconfusing · 02/06/2020 23:26

I would play it cook next few days I know it’s hard that you love him but I really think what will be will be and if this Doesn’t work out then least you know now.

Lifeisconfusing · 02/06/2020 23:26

Cool 😎 not cook ha ha

Crispsnatcher · 02/06/2020 23:30

He sounds very immature, i would get rid. Life is too short.

Merryoldgoat · 02/06/2020 23:48

You have an anxious feeling because you’ve realised he a horrible person.

KelpHelper · 02/06/2020 23:52

What exactly is it you find attractive about this knuckle-dragger?

AtrociousCircumstance · 02/06/2020 23:55

Does he know your mum is overweight? Because if he does, he said it knowing it would apply to her too and wound you.

But either way he’s not worth your time. He’s mean and nasty and a bit stupid, and immature.

Could you look your friend in the eye again, if you stayed with him? He thinks she (and your mum) are lesser beings.

Ugh.

bee222 · 02/06/2020 23:55

You really need to dump this loser.
Don’t waste another second on him.

HollowTalk · 02/06/2020 23:56

Ugh he's judgemental and insecure and bitchy and horrible.

Get rid asap and look around - the world is full of nicer guys than this.

NellGwynsPenguin · 02/06/2020 23:58

@DaisyDoo121 it sounds to me like he’s been binging on porn.

Lose him.

Find yourself.

SistemaAddict · 03/06/2020 00:01

How was he with your friend? Does he perhaps like her and is trying to throw you off the scent by insulting her and her boyfriend? Sounds fishy to me but I'm a suspicious person. Get rid of him anyway.

wildcherries · 03/06/2020 00:01

Nah, I couldn't be with a person like that. He was nasty about your friends and I agree with PP that he'll be thinking the same about your mother. Besides, sounds like he wanted an argument. Take a hard look at this relationship.

Bluewater1 · 03/06/2020 00:08

You deserve better OP. He doesn't sound at all like he shares your values and in the long run that will really matter. He also sounds really immature

Aquamarine1029 · 03/06/2020 00:13

He's always been a joker

Translation: He's always be an immature, cruel arsehole.

Get rid, op. You KNOW he's a twat.

Lynda07 · 03/06/2020 00:21

He is a ridiculous, crass, tactless man-child who makes jokes about other people's appearance. You did not have a lovely time, why did you say you did?

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 03/06/2020 00:26

Wouldbt over analyse....

He's a dick.

I wouldn't want to be with someone who has such a problem with anyone who doesn't live up to his standards of healthy...

undercoveraessedai · 03/06/2020 00:31

The bit about the kiss literally sounds like something my 14 year old nephews might do if they were feeling particularly childish - gave me the ick just thinking about it.

And his comments on your friend, which he's also thinking about your mum - nope. You're worth more than this.

You've managed to survive lockdown and still behave like your usual self towards him, I assume that wouldn't change if you suddenly got invited to a party?!

combatbarbie · 03/06/2020 00:31

Is he trying to instigate an argument so that he has a free pass for the BBQ?