Neighbours kid hanging over the fence??

[comatosemuvva]

Would like to know if im bu, my daughter is 6 we are in lockdown same as everyone else along with 6 month old ds. Older neighbour has her grandkids round playing in the garden today which before lockdown they were over a lot. Dd knows the kids from school but isn't in class with them. Dd constantly wants to look over the fence and talk to them, I don't know how I feel about it, I usually let her chat for a bit then call her in as she talks ALOT and I don't want them to feel like they can't tell her to go. Obviously at the moment neighbour hasnt seen them for ages so I don't want her hanging over the fence, I've told her not to and she is so upset saying I won't let her talk to her friends 😕 how would you feel if you were my neighbour? Would you want next doors kid hanging over your fence whenever your grandkids are there?

To be honest I probably wouldn’t like it but in these strange times I Hope I’d be tolerant of a child who’s missing socialising. Maybe agree a set time with her, say 15 minutes twice a day or something.

Personally it would annoy the shit out of me. I'd be fine for a few minutes the first few times because I understand that they hadn't seen each other and it was a novelty but the novelty for me would wear off very quickly for me. There's been a few threads like this and I think most would agree with me bit no doubt there will be plenty to come along and call be a miserable bitch 😂

I wouldn't like it

Well, do your neighbour's children want to chat with your daughter too, or do they ignore her / try to get away? If you were my neighbour I wouldn't mind at all, but my DC spend a lot of time chatting to our neighbours and their dogs over the fence! If all the children are happy chatting I wouldn't dream of stepping in, but would call my DC away after a while so the family next door could get a break.

Does the grandchild enjoy it? Is the gran there?
I would be happy for my child to talk to another child through the fence. If I felt obliged to chat/join in/oversee I would find it boring.

Is gran trying to play with grandchild or enjoying watching her play?

My neighbours daughter is obsessed with talking to us over the fence, it's seriously frustrating. We have cute pets who are exciting and we are just someone different. I'm never rude, sometimes a bit short perhaps, but it's getting on my nerves more and more now

I'd be the same as you. Let her say hello then call her in and explain to her not to hang over the fence, because its rude. Our neighbours kid used to do it and talk to me constantly, I was polite but it really did annoy me! Thankfully hes grown into a teenager now!

I had this with my neighbours children for the first 7 weeks of lockdown, I was furloughed and had time in the garden to kill. They even got covered in paint as I was painting the fence and told them not to climb up as they'll get wet.

I don't even have children.

I didn't mind them popping up to say hello but it got to the point they spent more time on the fence than off it, and even after asking to get down they wouldn't and the parents (lovely people) didn't seem to bother about it.

I think they took enough subtle digs from us both (DH and I) and heard us asking the kids to leave us alone that they've now put furniture in front of the fence so they can't climb it.

Once or twice a day is fine, or maybe get her to ask if she can climb up, not I'd try keep an eye on it.

You are right on this occasion as the grandparents have not seen the children for a long time and it would be inappropriate for your daughter to crash the meeting. Also if they wanted some time alone they would not currently be allowed to go indoors so it would be especially intrusive to have your daughter there. I understand it's upsetting for her but hopefully the children will be visiting more frequently again now and your dd can have a little bit of time with them. You're right to limit it to 15 mins on normal occasions as well. It's nice for her to be able to chat to them but you don't want to intrude on your neighbours' family time.

This is exactly what I thought tbh, I wouldn't annoy me unless I was out there really, there is a few grandkids so they are playing with each other. I usually let her chat for about ten minutes then call her in, she has a full paddy and won't speak to me. Today she was breaking my heart as she has 'noone to play with and she's so lonely not being at school' 😟 I try to keep her company and do what I can with her on top of her school work and a breastfed clingy baby. We are quite friendly with the neighbour and chat over the fence, but I think she forgets the kids are there to see their gran not her.

My neighbour's children hang over our fence constantly. And that's no exaggeration.

The minute they hear our back door open they are out in their garden clambering up onto the fence to ask us incessent questions about what we're doing or where we've been. They throw their things over the fence to encourage our children to pick them up and ask them to throw things back (they don't). A few weeks ago we did a small Easter egg hunt in our garden for our two girls and the minute they heard us out there they were up on the fence, screaming at them where to look, asking if they could have some, asking how many they had found. We can't even open our patio doors without them leaning over and peering into our living room. It's DDs 5th birthday in a few weeks and we were planning on having a tea party in the garden. I should be looking forward to it but I'm absolutely dreading it. They were even hanging over the fence and yapping last night at 10pm when I was bringing on the washing.

It's exhausting and makes me miserable every time we're out in the garden, but our house is tiny and we can't stay cooped up all day. I don't blame the children, I blame my neighbour's shite parenting.

Your DD popping her head over for an occassional chat would be most welcome. When it's 24/7, not so much.

I wouldn't mind this at all. I think it's nice to watch your children have fun - so if my children want to speak to her, especially likely when they haven't had much interaction with other children for a long time, that would be great with me. I'd actually feel quite bad that she would be uncomfortable on the fence but due to lockdown not much you could do about that. Unless she was upsetting the children, no problem. When I grew up, neither of our neighbours had children, but they spent so much time with me - even introducing me to their pets, always popping over the fence to chat with me when I was playing, and one neighbour even had a puppet called foxy who I adored. Still in contact with some of them as an adult.

I don’t think it’s acceptable for you to let her do this. The kids next door are there to spend time with their grandparents.

There would be nothing more annoying and intruding than a kid hanging over the fence being a nuisance. You say it’s only 10 minutes but if it’s every time they come over it’s too much.

I really wouldn't be happy. I wouldn't mind her saying hello and chatting for a bit, but after that it is just intrusive. It would depend on how the others are though, are they chatting back happily or ignoring her, or being polite

Hanging over the fence would annoy me, we have a young child next door to us and we’ve taken to sitting on the bench at the side of our shed as he can’t see us sitting there and if he sees us he constantly hangs over the fence or shouts to us! As soon as my back door is open he races over to shout to us!

His mum does tell him to leave us alone and they are a lovely family but when you want o enjoy some peace and quiet and sunshine it is a bit annoying.

You have all cemented my thoughts on this, a quick hello how are you then come down. I wouldn't say it's every single time they are there, but if she's out in the garden and hears then she will say hello. I have spoken to the gran about it before and said if you don't want her to do it tell her to get down but the ya re way too nice to do that. I will keep it limited as I am now, and I'm glad I called her in quickly today! Next up then, how ok earth do I explain this to her without her thinking I'm keeping her from speaking to her friends?!

I think you just have to be quite blunt and say the children are there to visit their grandparents, not to visit her, and that she hasn't been invited to join in. I know it might be hard for her to hear but honestly, knowing when you have not been invited is a skill in life that some adults struggle with, so I think you'd be doing her a favour in the long run.

We need to give kids a break at the moment. Social interactions are so important for them - we get to chat with people in the shops and at work but our children are completely isolated. You need to speak to your neighbour about it, she might be happy for her grandchildren to chat to your daughter, but maybe your daughter should ask permission before sticking her head over the fence.