Help this shy introvert use her garden!

[Suziet12]

Ndn 2 kids early teens. Constantly in garden kicking footballs into my fence and over fence into my garden. I get stressed by their noise and feel unable to sit in my Garden With my little ones. Everyone in street has kids and they all play in garden but I’m not bothered the slightest about any noise they make it’s normal garden noises.

Today I just thought I’ll sit it out and doesn’t matter how much noise they make I won’t be bothered by it. One of them then hangs over my fence looking for a lost ball I presume! The parents don’t even say anything. They just carried on chatting to each other!

I just feel annoyed that I can’t sit in my garden with my kids. Sometimes I don’t want to step out even to put washing out as their voices just grate on me. I know it sounds bad but they just annoy me. Has anyone been in similar situation? How would you change your perspective? I don’t feel able to talk to the parents as once I asked about being more careful but obviously fence is still getting kicked and ball comes over daily.

Just to re-iterate the other neighbours kids do not bother me and they’re similar ages.

Help me change my thinking please. No nasty comments, just want to hear from people who can sympathise or have experienced similar. I just wish it wouldn’t bother me I am more sensitive to noises in general I think but I’m sure this level of bloody kicking n screaming would annoy anyone. I try not to give ball back straight away now but they have a stack of them! So I end up with 3 or 4.

I agree that the word introvert is being misused here. You might well be an introvert OP, but an inability to speak up for yourself is nothing to go with an introverted personality.

The OP described herself as a shy introvert in the thread title. Struggling to speak up for oneself can be a trait of shyness. What part of this is difficult to understand?

Some people are both shy and introverted, some are just one of those two things, some are neither. It's not an 'either'/'or' situation. Seems to me judging by this thread that there's not an awful lot of tolerance of either trait by some MN users.

"Letting the noise flow over you as if it's the sound of waves" was a tip a friend gave me to when I lived on a main road! The traffic noise had stopped me sitting in the garden. But when I sat with eyes shut, the "waves" in the background and the sun on my face, the sound didn't really bother me.

I hope the advice here is helpful, OP.
Oh and I'd also add gardening if you get time. Buying potted plants already growing is the easiest. Once you get into it, you're in a world of your own and you won't give a damn about the neighbours!

kicking footballs into my fence

This is NOT acceptable. I have never allowed my sons to kick a football against the fence. It's really anti-social behaviour. I don't even like them kicking it about on the patio (very small garden) as the 'thud thud thud' is annoying.

Fences are designed to be battered by footballs.

Balls over the fence - yeah that happens. Tell them to come round once a day at a time to suit you to collect them. I think that's reasonable.
Peering over is just rude.

Yes, some noise is just part and parcel of living in a built up area, but you are entitled to privacy and not to be overly disturbed by noise.

You sound extremely over sensitive not from your Original post but from subsequent ones

You sound extremely over sensitive not from your Original post but from subsequent ones

Yeah I am as I’m realising it’s my bloody money spent on that fence and it’s not acceptable. Read the post from @TheOrigBrave for context

Thanks origbrave that’s what most of us considerate parents would do and not allow peoples property to be damaged. Thanks.

God I know what people mean by addiction to social media now, I can’t get off here! I’ve tried! Let’s try again. Have a lovely day everyone and thank you.

@Suziet12

Oh my god I’m not gonna get off here today am I! So tell me then *@Iwalkinmyclothing* what IS the opposing view of my fence getting damaged, my baby jumping every time a ball gets kicked over and be not being able to enjoy my garden in peace?

@Suziet12 you do realise that if you want to leave the thread, you can? No one is forcing you to keep coming back? If you don't "get off here today" it's because you've chosen to stay.

I have very little interest in your issue and what you do or don't do about it- I just found it strange that someone would ask for help in changing their thinking and then insist that opposing views were not welcome.

Perhaps you can use some of the confidence and added reasons as to why your neighbours are in the wrong that you appear to have developed as the thread has progressed to go and deal with it. I wish you all the best in achieving an outcome that makes you happy and is fair to everyone involved :)

Kill them (not literally) with kindness. Pop your head over, say hello etc. Neighbours (including annoying teens) can be friendlier, less scary, more respectful if the person on the other side is seen as a ‘real person’ instead of the ‘unfriendly woman’ next door.
I appreciate this won’t be an easy step for you (but think of the on tap babysitting you might get in a few years).
It has to be worth a shit.

Shot, not shit 😊😊😊

Talk about multiple “goodbyes”!

I felt like you when I first moved to where I live now. Only we have low fences (took me years to get used to that) and I hated going outside to my lovely garden because balls would fly over or ndns kid would be just staring, never speaking, leaning over the fence.
I barely even used the washing line.

Nowadays I’m used to them, we’re pretty close actually and I’m glad to have them living beside me. I think they realised that when I moved in I wasn’t very well (have since gotten help) and I feel like a different person to back then.

I think addressing them looking over the fence would be a good start. It’s what I did. ‘Hey, have you lost something?’ I’m now at a point where if ndns kids are being rowdy I’ll stick my head out and tell them mine are in bed could they keep it down a bit- and they do. I never thought I’d be capable of being assertive, but there comes a time where it’s that or feel like your whole home isn’t your own because you can’t enjoy it properly.
Good luck!

@Juliet2014

“Shy Introvert”? On the basis of your OP that’s not how you come across.

Instead you don’t like your NDN. They irritate you. Suck it up or have a chat. Can’t say the examples you give are particularly.... bad but they are to you so deal with with or don’t.

But shy introvert - no this is not shyness or introvertism

What fucking qualifies you from stating this as fact?!

God there really are intolerant people around. And I don't mean the OP.

I get it OP. I would hate this too. I wouldn't be throwing the balls back. I'd make them ask for it if it was too frequent. Let them realise how annoying it is by the amount of times they need to ask. And if it isn't convenient for you to go and do it right away, then they'll have to wait until it is.

My wall is 10 ft, it was already there when I moved in and I am soooo thankful as my neighbours are very noisy and irritating in their garden but at least I don't have to see them too. If I go in my garden I generally wear headphones or sometimes stay in if they are bothering me that much, which is annoying. I have no problem with children making noise and playing but when it is a lot of screaming and shouting coupled with loud family and often music all through the summer, it's just plain inconsiderate.

"I have very little interest in your issue and what you do or don't do about it- I just found it strange that someone would ask for help in changing their thinking and then insist that opposing views were not welcome."

It's not opposing views though is it. It's yet again posters on here being 'blunt' ie rude, when there is no need. OP didn't ask for spiteful comments on anxiety or introvertedness. She asked how to manage going into her garden. I'm sure there are actually nice ways of giving good advice. Not that many on here would know that if it jumped up and smacked them in the face.

I thought that was what leylandii was for?

I sympathise with you. I used to live in between two families. One didn’t bother me in the slightest, I like the sound of kids playing. But the other - urgh. DH and I used to joke we knew it was summer because Bertie was being yelled at. His parents would shout at him constantly. He was loud and whiney and would throw toys over the fence on purpose. (Or so his parents would shout when they caught him.)

Anyway, I mainly felt glad he wasn’t my problem and very sorry for them all. But I didn’t love hearing it all the time.

But how about getting a bee hotel? Or a bird box? Maybe the buzzing and twittering sound will drown them out a little.

And put up a pergola along the edge you share with them? Trail a lot of plants on it? That might give you a little more privacy. They won’t be able to see over that.

Or noise cancelling headphones while outside?

But the teens will grow out of it eventually.

We moved before Bertie stopped being told off constantly. Don’t know what happened to him. Poor kid and poor parents, but don’t miss that sound!

You sound extremely over sensitive not from your Original post but from subsequent ones

And you sound pretty under sensitive. Why even bother with such an unconstructive and unpleasant post?

Why are your fences so short! All 6tt fences here no one hangs over other people's fences...
If for some bizarre reasons you can't have a full height fence then add trellis/ tubs of bamboo... or I would recommend spiky native shrubs like Berberis no one is hanging over that.... stick up a gazebo... they can do what they want in their garden... you can only change your space/outlook

My dad's strategy for me when trying to dealing with neighbours was to make sure people on both sides thought I was COMPLETELY off my rocker as soon as possible after moving in

He's always lived in detached properties but when I moved into my first place he advised me to make sure neighbours on both sides saw me dancing in the garden in an adult nappy, covered in jam – he assured me they'd never peer over the garden fence and I'd be free to enjoy my space in peace!

Might not be best for a shy introvert, OP, but it's an approach to consider!

(and before the perpetually shocked posters pile in, he was joking. JOKING. sort of )