Help this shy introvert use her garden!

[Suziet12]

Ndn 2 kids early teens. Constantly in garden kicking footballs into my fence and over fence into my garden. I get stressed by their noise and feel unable to sit in my Garden With my little ones. Everyone in street has kids and they all play in garden but I’m not bothered the slightest about any noise they make it’s normal garden noises.

Today I just thought I’ll sit it out and doesn’t matter how much noise they make I won’t be bothered by it. One of them then hangs over my fence looking for a lost ball I presume! The parents don’t even say anything. They just carried on chatting to each other!

I just feel annoyed that I can’t sit in my garden with my kids. Sometimes I don’t want to step out even to put washing out as their voices just grate on me. I know it sounds bad but they just annoy me. Has anyone been in similar situation? How would you change your perspective? I don’t feel able to talk to the parents as once I asked about being more careful but obviously fence is still getting kicked and ball comes over daily.

Just to re-iterate the other neighbours kids do not bother me and they’re similar ages.

Help me change my thinking please. No nasty comments, just want to hear from people who can sympathise or have experienced similar. I just wish it wouldn’t bother me I am more sensitive to noises in general I think but I’m sure this level of bloody kicking n screaming would annoy anyone. I try not to give ball back straight away now but they have a stack of them! So I end up with 3 or 4.

'Was a lad'

The expression round here is ‘since Adam WERE a lad’. Said in a broad Yorksher accent.

And yes I’m also aware that’s not how Yorkshire is spelled

Who cares if you’re breastfeeding, OP?

Your attitude to teens stinks. They aren’t doing anything wrong, just playing in their own garden and occasionally looking over the fence to see if they’ve lost a ball.

Your precious little ones will be teens soon enough. I hope they are met with more tolerance that you’re showing your neighbours.

Lot of weirdness on this thread confused Scared to sit in the garden because children look at you... (Raise the fence?)
I wanted to have a pool party but the bastard neighbours are having one too so I'm no longer special...
Oddballs.

@Thisismytimetoshine that was really nasty and unnecessary. The OP didn't say anything about thinking she was special. She explained she is shy and introverted. If you've no personal experience of what that's like and don't want to try and empathise, why bother responding at all?

Our neighbours like to pop their head over the fence quite regularly. I’m sure some people don’t mind this sort of behaviour

My neighbours do this and I don't like it all the time either. We have to live cheek by jowl but I treat the garden as another room and pretend there is a wall there too.

If I don't want to engage I wear sunglasses and/or earphones (not necessarily connected to anything, just tuck the wire in).

Then I can blithely and deliberately ignore any verbal communication or attempts at eye contact. I also position my garden table and chairs so my back is fully to their garden.

Can you, in your head, think about it more like being at the park but with access to toilets and a kitchen. Therefore a lower expectation of privacy and noise.

Why should OP need to do this in her own garden? So you wouldn’t mind someone poking their head into your window then on that logic! It’s her garden and she wants privacy what’s wrong with that?

Being an introvert means you need time away from people to recharge, it has nothing to do with anxiety, shyness or fear of confrontation.

Get your facts right. It's possible to be an introvert and have all three of these issues.

Sheesh, this thread is nasty.

YANBU, but I would try and find a way to reclaim your garden.

Who cares if you’re breastfeeding, OP?
Your attitude to teens stinks. They aren’t doing anything wrong, just playing in their own garden and occasionally looking over the fence to see if they’ve lost a ball.

OMG! This thread is my personal fave now! Seriously look at what you’re saying. some people taking the piss right now on this thread. OP If you do read this then please know not all of us are as oblivious to what you are feeling. My advice is what one other poster suggested move your seat so you not in eye contact with them and just get in with your day.

I feel a bit like this and we get on really well with our neighbours, it's just sometimes a but awkward if we can see them in their garden and we are in ours, because we want to chill and enjoy the sun which I'm sure they do too, but you don't want to come across as rude, but then you'd end up chatting to them for ages so you didn't actually get to relax and enjoy the garden like you wanted to....a minefield 😂

But they are just kids, and I'm sure your kids will repay the favour for you in a few years time. Try and extend the fence? Get a trellis, or some foliage, or sit with your back to them? If they keep kicking balls over you could very politely ask them to be a tad more careful if they wouldn't mind, it doesn't need to extend into anything dramatic

Put up a gazebo. Make yourself a little hide away... Play a radio quietly.

You have my utmost sympathy. I feel like this about the family across the road who spend all day in the street. The little ones from 2 different households next door but one to each other have spent most of lockdown going up and down both sides of the road on their bikes (to be socially distant I guess) while their mum shouts to them and shouts conversation to anyone in the vicinity. They have gardens, but no, it's out the front they go all day long. They're so blimmin' loud. It gets on my nerves despite the fact that I enjoy working with children. I also do voluntary work with a child. One old gentleman in the street said how nice it is that the children have been able to play in the street, so I try, but usually fail to perceive it that way. They had a socially distanced get together across two front gardens on Friday evening blasting out music and roaring along to it. My adult daughter made me feel a bit better by being amused by their drunken dancing, wine glass in hand, so I try to find the entertainment value of overhearing people who are oblivious to the fact I can hear them from behind the hedge.

However I can't think of anything amusing or entertaining about your neighbour's football coming over and constant thudding. Your options are either to explain very very nicely that it's stressful having a ball randomly coming over and hope they stop. However , that hasn't prevented them up till now. Or appealing to their better judgment in another way. Could you claim that the ball coming over is unsafe somehow? Might it land on your baby in her pram (get a doll 😀)? Might it damage your carefully tended plants? Or squish your (borrowed) tiny, fluffy, adorable pet bunny.

Or you could play mean and slightly puncture each ball that comes in.

Or you could breezily tell them you'll return the ball tomorrow as there's been enough thudding and disruption for today, thank you.

Your kids will be doing the same one day.

Live and let live, better they're in the garden than watching bloody TV.

"Miss, can I have my ball back?"

You don't sound shy and introverted, you sound intolerant. My SIL hated my DC's perfectly normal noise, games etc when she had little ones, now hers are the age mine were "All kids are do it" and she expects them to be tolerated by my very quiet older teenagers and has become intolerant of 'cry babies' 'ruining events' - as she nicely put it when my 8 month old niece had a squark at grandmas Xmas party.

Try and be tolerant, and use your garden. If they peep over say 'stop peeping over my fence, it is rude' and teach them some manners.

Hi op I have 3 kids 12 9 and 5 and I let them play but if it gets too loud I ask them all to come in and tell them to respect our neighbours and that they are in the garden etc etc . If we have been in the garden say all morning I bring them in sometimes so my neighbours can have peace bbq etc. My neighbours both have new babies so I’m even more respectful. I know when there babies grown up it may not be as quiet on there side.

It’s all about respect isn’t it? we are in a detached house And I still worry. Iv said time my neighbours sorry about the kids being loud sometimes and she said no no don’t be kids have to play and she apologies for the baby crying which never bothered me.

No advice but this is how I deal with my children as the noise If there voices Even gets to me and I’m the mam.

I think they should be more careful especially at the moment with the touching of balls . Also hammering balls off fences breaks them, has happened to my ndns twice. I know what you mean also about not being able to relax in ur garden if they are out there all the time. Even when we have gardens right next to us I think its reasonable to want some time in your garden when it's peaceful and the same goes for them, its annoying if neighboursare continually outside even though they are well within their rights to be there.

I don't really see the problem OP. Why was one of the kids looking over a problem? Couldn't you just say "Hi? Have you lost a ball?" then lob it back? Our NDNs don't make much noise either side, but there's talking, playing, balls, tramplining etc. I just read or lay in the sun or something but obviously speak if they look over or say something? Are they nasty to you? Can you just contrate on taking something out there to do with your children and get on with it?

Some people don't understand the right to a fair amount of privacy in their own garden. Why should OP imagine she's in a park?
Whilst teenagers will be teenagers, the respectful thing would be to knock the front foor and ask for the ball to be chucked over. Peering into someone's garden is like looking through their window.
Also, flying balls can be dangerous if you have young children.
I have a similar neighbour, the more I threw the balls back, the more they seemed to come back over. I stopped returning them and they've never once knocked for them back.

Wow! I clicked on here as my thread went into “most active” so I was wondering how many more posted! There are some few lovely people posting so I’ll take comfort in that some get it. To answer few questions the fence is 6ft tall so they must stand on something when they hang over it.

Being an introvert is the problem nothing else. My sister whose polar opposite to me would have no issue saying “oi stop poking your bloody head over” and she would most definitely have told the parents on day 1 if anything breaks they paying for it! Whereas I have stayed quiet for a number of years now.

I think a lot of you need to have compassion that not everyone can process emotions or handle their emotions like the rest of you. Calling someone an “oddball” is very childish and ignorant. Also saying I need “therapy” for being an introvert is very nasty. If a friend or work colleague said this there is no way you would respond to her/him in this way. Think before you post.

I'd say that's social anxiety not being introverted

Yeah that’s not what being introvert means. Anyway, splitting hairs.

@Suziet12

The points about 2 households handling the balls, and the damage to fence and garden, and especially anyone in the garden, are valid. Have you tried a note to the parents through the door, saying you'd like to be in your garden more?

The parents next door are probably happy that their kids are in the garden and not attached to screens.

If it's not the OP's fence she can't just get a higher fence or put trellis up. We would love our neighbours on one side to get a fence higher than 4ft but the fence is their responsibilty. I would love more privacy in our garden.

I just find them inconsiderate and I think it’s all just bubbling up now. Not just the teenagers but the parents too. I can hear phone conversations they having in garden when I’m inside! Im just using this to vent now. It’s like a constant party everyday with the amount of noise they make. I’ve got my headphones on now to drown out the noise. Have to have windows open as it’s so hot today.