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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this neighbourly act acceptable?

88 replies

oldmum2020 · 02/06/2020 11:45

I have a big dilemma and I need some of your opinions. We have been close friends with our neighbours for the last 15 years, I have wine o'clock every Friday afternoon with Sue and go away every year for a girly holiday. They have right of access through our drive and last Saturday, they employed 2 people to pressure wash it. Problem is that they washed all the crap off their drive onto ours, our house and garden. My windows and car needed washing, my block paving was covered in dirty greasy sludge and my front garden has a 3 inch layer of sand all over it. Needless to say we weren't happy and spent 3 hours cleaning up the best we could. He eventually swept our drive but shouted at me saying it was my fault for listening to his wife who was allegedly going to clean it up. Now this has obviously damaged our relationship and I dont know whether or not to end our friendship. Everyone I have spoken to says what they did was unacceptable but they seem to think its OK. They do have drains on their drive or there is a public footpath at the front which could have been used but they opted for our property. What should I do?

OP posts:

Kordelia · 02/06/2020 13:42

You should have handled it differently but their reaction is completely out of order.

I would try having a word with Sue on her own and see how she reacts. Does she know her husband is a twat?

Maybe she's yet another of these neighbours who are lovely as long as they get their own way at all times.

BertiesLanding · 02/06/2020 13:44

There's summat else going on here, even if you're not ready to admit it, OP ...

Megatron · 02/06/2020 13:45

I don't understand why, if you saw the neighbour watching them carry out the work, you didn't go out there while it was happening and tell them to stop?

Somewhereinthesky · 02/06/2020 13:52

They hired someone else to do it, so maybe they didn't realise what those people did? I would have shown what happened to our side, I would imagine most people feel mortified. If not, and if they think nothing wrong with it, then it could be an end of nice neighbourly friendship.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 02/06/2020 13:58

If Sue's husband watched it all and didn't say anything then it's his fault really. He sounds like an arse. Unless Sue has said something nasty to you personally I wouldnt end the friendship with her just because she is married to an arse. You could always cool off any couple type activities you do

bellabasset · 02/06/2020 14:09

I agree with Megatron that you should have gone over and asked them 'what the hell were they doing washing rubbish over your property and as for you Sue's dh what the hell are you doing not supervising them properly?'

fuckinghellthisshit · 02/06/2020 14:12

I would speak to Sue and ascertain her view. There is a good chance she is mortified and worried she's lost a friend. It sounds like she is your friend and he is a bit of a dick so he may well hope this ends your friendship.

Micromanagers tend not to want their wives having their own holidays and friends outside their control.

GeorgiaWeLoveYou · 02/06/2020 14:12

I wouldn't throw the friendship with Sue away over this if you've had no other sort of disagreement before.

The problem is the cowboys who they paid to clean their drive. What sort of reputable tradesmen would think it acceptable to carry out work of such shoddy standard?

Also, however, it is not acceptable for Sue's husband to shout the way he did. They should have apologised and then all four of you clean it up together. It's not their fault that the tradesmen did that.

Waveysnail · 02/06/2020 14:15

Have you spoken to Sue? I would be annoyed - her husband sounds like an ass but I wouldnt punish Sue. I would ask the husband politely if he could get men back to clean up your garden etc as they made the mess

JinglingHellsBells · 02/06/2020 14:26

@oldmum2020 Can you explain something here? From a legal and land registry perspective the drive is YOURS but they have right of access over it. Yes? So they have right of way to get to their house which is where- to the side, behind yours? But it's not a 50-50 shared drive, it's yours? They have right of access through our drive

So why are they maintaining it and paying to have it cleaned?

Sorry but that isn't right. If they simply have a right of way to access their home, they have no legal right to do anything to your drive.

No one is picking this point up which is the crux of the issue!

Have you never made it clear that its YOUR drive and they simply have right of access? WHY would they want to clean property that doesn't belong to them?

You need to sort this and also think about your rights if they move and you get new neighbours.

I'd forget about the incident in terms of the mess and seriously talk to them about what is theirs and what is yours!

They sound ignorant.

TheOrigBrave · 02/06/2020 14:27

How can the sludge be greasy?

Anyway, I'm so glad I don't live next door to them.
A couple of my neighbours have pressure washed in the last week or so.
Not only did they forewarn me (so I could move my car), but they did my section of the path that runs along the front of all our houses.

One year my neighbour at the times rather over-zealous grandson pressure washed the same section. The spray got between the double glazing on the house and was never the same again. And in the back the muck sprayed through the slats in the fence. There's no need for it to be quite so messy.

If I see my neighbours with the pressure hose I would be fine asking them to let me get my washing in or move my car.

I think your main problem is the husband and the people who did a shoddy job.

Have wine with Sue and go on holiday!

Cammymyle · 02/06/2020 14:51

JinglingHellsBells

That's a very good point. Why were they having a drive cleaned that isn't theirs? Rather presumptuous of them.

Kay2theT · 02/06/2020 15:03

15 years of friendship down the drain because of one unpleasant incident?
Seriously, you didn't chat to Sue about it or go out there when you saw the husband watching the crap get washed over to your garden?
People make errors and we don't always get with our friends but we don't just toss them aside like an old bit of bread. Like, you literally can't resolve this and continue your friendship, what is Sue worth to you?
Unless something else is going on that is being left out, you are completly unreasonable.

LivingThatLockdownLife · 02/06/2020 15:06

I'm confused why neighbours got your drive washed OP.

MarginalGain · 02/06/2020 15:10

I really can't understand how this could happen between good friends.

makingmammaries · 02/06/2020 16:37

I can see how this would be the end of a friendship. Sue is likely to take her husband’s side. This has happened to me in a slightly different context. Not much scope for coffee and holidays if Sue decides it’s easier to blame OP.

limitedperiodonly · 02/06/2020 17:15

How can the sludge be greasy?

I can tell you don't know a lot about sludge @TheOrigBrave

JinglingHellsBells · 02/06/2020 17:25

@Cammymyle @oldmum2020

I know!

We have neighbours who have a right of way down a tiny path (to their back garden) down the side of our house. We maintain it but don't need to use it for access, but could if we wished and do use it now and then, to maintain it.

The land registry docs and deeds make it 100% clear that it's OUR path and they are not allowed to 'loiter, park anything there (ie bikes) or allow their kids to play there.
It is purely for coming and going.

When the house was sold we asked the agents to make sure that potential buyers new exactly what was what because - for example- we didn't want a family where kids might be playing on it (it butts right up against our living room wall).

I simply cannot get my head round your experience @oldmum202 where you are allowing a family to take over your drive as if it were theirs.

Itwasntme1 · 02/06/2020 17:37

My neighbour hired people to power wash their driveway.

The chemicals they used killed their lawn and Half of mine. They never apologised or even mentioned it.

I have taken a deep breath and moved on (well nearly😂). I reseeded the lawn, not worth frosty relations over SS few moths or ugly lawn and a couple of boxes of seeds.

Wheresthebiffer2 · 02/06/2020 17:48

Have you ever tried power washing? (it's quite fun). lol. But does make a splashy mess if you don't really know what you're doing (that's me).

Lordamighty · 02/06/2020 18:40

I don’t think some posters on here realise what a mess these power washing cowboys make & they never seem very particular about where the dirty water & debris goes.
Same thing happened to a friend of mine OP, her & the neighbours fell out over it. The windows, walls, front door & garden of her house were covered in filthy water & clumps of dirt.

JinglingHellsBells · 02/06/2020 19:43

This is really very simple and no dilemma.

The drive belongs to @oldmum2020.

Neighbours have right of way over it to their house.

They have no legal right to do anything to it.

Wine o' clock and girls days away or not.

Madness.

Why have you got this so muddled up OP?

Either it's not your drive as you think, or you have got very blurred boundaries( in every sense) over what is allowed and not.

Can you clarify?

Original poster

oldmum2020 · 03/06/2020 08:33

Sorry, just to clarify - the drive is mine alone. Their house is next to ours but the only way to their house is through my drive. Their drive is huge and is all block paved - she pressure washed it herself about 15 years ago but did it bit my bit so it had minimal impact on us whereas these guys removed every single scrap of oily sand possible towards our house (by the way, her drive looks terrific now). Although I am great friends with Sue, hubby is a prize arsehole but because he had done nothing to upset us personally, we kept friendly regardless.

OP posts:

zingally · 03/06/2020 08:46

Your garden has a 3 inch layer of sand over it? Just from pressure washing a driveway? Honestly, I don't believe you.

But if it really is as bad as you say, go round to neighbours, knock, and ask that the pressure wash people come back and sort out the mess.

Bluntness100 · 03/06/2020 08:51

Can’t imagine I’d end a friendship over some dirt. But you need to do you.

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