Is this neighbourly act acceptable?

[oldmum2020]

I have a big dilemma and I need some of your opinions. We have been close friends with our neighbours for the last 15 years, I have wine o'clock every Friday afternoon with Sue and go away every year for a girly holiday. They have right of access through our drive and last Saturday, they employed 2 people to pressure wash it. Problem is that they washed all the crap off their drive onto ours, our house and garden. My windows and car needed washing, my block paving was covered in dirty greasy sludge and my front garden has a 3 inch layer of sand all over it. Needless to say we weren't happy and spent 3 hours cleaning up the best we could. He eventually swept our drive but shouted at me saying it was my fault for listening to his wife who was allegedly going to clean it up. Now this has obviously damaged our relationship and I dont know whether or not to end our friendship. Everyone I have spoken to says what they did was unacceptable but they seem to think its OK. They do have drains on their drive or there is a public footpath at the front which could have been used but they opted for our property. What should I do?

[FranklyDearIDontRiverdance]

You seriously would throw away 15 years of friendship for a dodgy contractor? Madness

[Smallsteps88]

he sat on the wall watching their every move. He could see the mess they were making and when they left

This indicates that you were also there and aware of what they were doing so you should have gone out and asked them to clean their mess.

[boredboredboredboredbored]

My Mums sister of over 60 years fell out with her over a boiler a few years ago (my brother is a plumber and my aunt accused him of ripping her off - definitely not true as ive seen the receipts) the whole saga caused a tidal wave of destruction that was just not worth the initIal petty Disagreement. Try not to fall out with them as in the long run they will be living next to you for the foreseeable.

[cstaff]

You would really throw away a good friends hip over this. You must have little to worry about.

[heartsonacake]

@Unshriven

You want to ditch friends you know well enough to holiday with because of a messy drive?

You can't just be...you know, normal?

☝️ This.

[AwrightDoreenTakeAFuckinDayOff]

I wouldn’t want to lose a friendship over this. That said, I ruddy hate it when people have no regard for other people’s property/belongings.

If he was micromanaging, he would have seen the mess and should have stopped it.

Friends would care. He didn’t. And then he got gobby.

What did Sue say?

[Lynda07]

They are obviously being very casual about an incident that, to you, is more serious. Honestly, some people just don't notice but they mean no harm. If you are friends is it really worth ending a friendship because of something relatively small in the scheme of things? It would be very awkward being as thy live next door.

At the moment small things loom large. When lockdown has finally, properly eased you will see this in proportion.

[monkeymonkey2010]

Sue's husband has to micromanage everything - he sat on the wall watching their every move. He could see the mess they were making and when they left, he could have come round to say they would clean it up.

There you go - HE took the piss.
His wife also knew what was happening - she could have spoken to you about it.

I wouldn't be happy about this.
If your friend wants to be controlled and bullied by her husband that's her choice - there is absolutely no reason why you should have to put up and shut up.
I'm getting the feeling the husband is not thrilled about your friendship with his wife and this is his way of creating issues.

[heartsonacake]

I just don’t get why you saw it happen, let it happen, and then have the audacity to be annoyed afterwards. If it was an issue, you should have addressed it at the time.

All it would have taken would be a polite conversation to the power washers:

“Excuse me, please could you power wash down the drain rather than my garden?”

[NotSorry]

@Janaih

Amazing how many people will defend the ones who treat others like shit, but they rock up to every thread with a well crafted insult
Spot on.

agree

[Floralnomad]

I can’t understand why you didn’t go out when you saw what they were doing and say something at the time and I really don’t think it’s worth falling out over .

[HeronLanyon]

Totally unacceptable.
However there’s something in your post which makes me think he did this, knows it’s wrong and is being defensive about it. I got impression ‘Sue’ might well be appalled. ???

[SoupDragon]

@oldmum2020

Yes but we cant be that good friends for them to do something like that in the first place.

To be fair, they didn't do it, the contractors did it.

That said, presumably they saw it when they looked at the job after it had been done and they should have apologised and said they would sort it.

[limitedperiodonly]

My neighbours did this @oldmum2020

We live in a Victorian terrace. Because of the neighbours' obsession with constantly titivating their house they had the whole front pressure-washed. My basement was filled with three inches of toxic 150 year old sludge from their front of their house (yes, three inches, to the poster who can't believe that), the whitewash and windows were blasted in crap and the sludge and water killed all our plants. Same thing with the people on the other side of them.

They tried to blame it on the contractors they employed and wrung their hands saying about 'Well, what can we do about it?' They gave me a bunch of flowers too .

I tell you what they did. We and the people next door made them pay to have it cleaned up. I didn't charge them for the plants they destroyed. I wanted to but my husband said we should try to be nice. They don't do that titivating shit any more.

Your neighbours should be apologising to you and worrying about the friendship OP, not the other way round.

[Branleuse]

your neighbours caused you a big inconvenience plus have been shitty and snippy about it when you told them.
I think if the relationship is changed, then thats up to them.
Most people would be mortified if theyrealised theyd caused this

[Thecurtainsofdestiny]

I don't understand why you didn't just speak to them about it, and ask them to get their contractors to fix it.

We have good neighbours. Their workmen damaged our property. I was embarrassed to talk to them about it but did so anyway. It got sorted out and we still get on well with them.

Like that.

[randomer]

Shouldn't Sue have said " We are having the drive cleaned, Its going to look great, what do you think?"

[AwrightDoreenTakeAFuckinDayOff]

The OP can have the audacity to be pissed off with the mess on her property at whatever point she likes.

Contractors made the mess, gobby bloke did nothing to stop it.

Normal people - not just ‘friends’ - would be falling over themselves to help tidy once they realised what had happened.

He helped grudgingly because he knows what he did was arseholian yet won’t hold his hands up to it and that would have helped matters enormously.

I’d be keeping the same arrangements with Sue. It isn’t her fault that her husband is a knob.

But he would no longer be welcome.

[dontdisturbmenow]

They enjoyed people and did a bad job. Your friend was going to deal with it but you went ahead before she had a chance. You didn't discuss it with her and give her s chance to sort it out.

Now you want to end a long term friendship? Very extreme response to what was an incident not even directly caused by her.

[TheLittleToothMouse]

Maybe arsehole neighbour resents Sue having friends

[AwrightDoreenTakeAFuckinDayOff]

Your friend was going to deal with it but you went ahead before she had a chance

Did I miss a bit?

[Eckhart]

Clean it up, tell them lightheartedly that it took you a while to do so, and ask them not to do it again.

[CharmerLlama]

Is the NDN husband usually a bit of an arse? If he micromanaged the work then why was he intending to make his wife clear up the mess made?

I'm a bit puzzled at the beach three inches of sand, and the fact you'd been outside clearing up for 3 hours before the NDN came out to sweep your drive. When exactly were they planning to clear up the mess?

[AwrightDoreenTakeAFuckinDayOff]

But did the wife actually say she was going to clean or is that just something he said after you cleaned up?

Have you spoken to her?

[ChicCroissant]

YABU to throw away a friendship based on this one incident - while it can be annoying it doesn't seem enough to fall out over!

Power washing block paving produces a tsunami of sand when a neighbour did it