To think if I was a man they wouldn't comment...

[PasserbyEffect]

... and the comment is (perhaps) more "normative" (pointing out I'm not acting lady-like) than truly flattering.

The story: the other day I went shopping for food (family of four), took two large bags, filled them with various goods, including tins and bottles (but also lighter stuff like crisps and pasta). Pretty heavy, but manageable.
I was walking back home (10 minutes away), nearly there, decided to pause to readjust one of the straps which was starting to dig into my hand...

There comes that man walking his dog (about same age as me, and average build, like me), and with a big smile he said something like "[something something, didn't catch that bit] world strongest woman". It didn't sound malicious but it felt bizarre (I'm just doing my bloody shopping, not competing for the Olympics?).

Thinking about it, it's not the first time this happened to me. Always the same story: I'm minding my own business, which does sometimes involve a certain amount of physical strength (e.g. carrying a large bag of laundry to the local launderette, or shifting furniture into a van during a house move), and some random bloke just passing by makes some kind of positive-yet-somewhat-sarcastic(?) comment, like I'm Wonder Woman or Popeye.

YABU: I am a weirdo for doing all this man-like stuff, and should expect perfect strangers to comment on it.
Or, they are being genuinely admirative, nothing sarcastic, and I should be grateful.
Or, this has nothing to do with gender, anyone would comment on anyone carrying something relatively heavy in a public space.

YANBU: they are weirdos, and although they may find "strong women" attractive to some extent, they're also negging/trying to put me in my place.

I don't where people go to get these comments.
I've often been seen carrying heavy bags. Didn't drive or have a car for ages, so coming back from the shop could be rucksack and 3-4 bags.
Only time I got comments from men, they were offering to carry them.

Wouldn't expect (nor accept) the offer at the moment, but generally any comment is small talk mixed with a bit of sympathy.

I know what you mean OP, it is patronising, it's like them saying "well done you, carrying those big bags all by yourself!"

Only vaguely related but at my first job a manager came and announced she needed help moving some filing cabinets, I stood up to help and she said "oh no, I need a man". So I sat back down and watched as she made this poor bloke move six cabinets by himself, she wouldn't help and wouldn't let any of the women as it's a "man's job".

These comments are definitely weird and do come from prejudice. I appreciate people offering to help though, woman or not, it's a kind thing to do.

whatthefuckamigoingtodo

I think that people are just being friendly and you are trying to find a fault

I automatically went to click 'like' on your post, then remembered we don't have a like button.

@secondaccount

Oh God no one is as interested in you as you think.

The bitchy comments really crack me up Please keep them coming. Really validates my point about the fact some people really are "compulsive belittlers".

Meh.

It wasn't really a patronising or personal comment, it sounded an admiring one, I wonder if you live in a city where people don't say good morning in passing (so it stood out more than it would in my
country town). It sounds an extension of that Good morning/afternoon greeting with an attempt at humour thrown in. It IS impressive to carry home big bags of shopping, when most people take their cars (if they have them) for less than that.

There are comments that men make that are creepy, overfamiliar or patronising but this sounded harmless so I wouldn't overthink it.

Loving all the "YANBU I once carried bricks on my back to build my own house" comments! You Go Girls! ... Loving the Woman Power stuff!!!

where people go to get these comments.

That's the thing though, I hadn't heard one of these for a long while. It's a quiet leafy suburb, I've done that same shopping trip dozens of times. People round that corner normally just say "good morning" (and "thank you" when you give way) and smile and that's it. I noticed that one because it was completely out of place (previous incidents were in much more urban locations, and not the nice parts)

I've noticed a lot of solo people, especially older people, striking up odd conversations in the past few weeks. I'm assuming due to lockdown related loneliness.

OP, you seem to have a great line in amused defensiveness at anyone who finds your analysis self-centered (which no doubt you'll employ again for me), but sometimes a spade is just a spade, and sometimes shit chat is just shit chat. For what it's worth, I observe in this thread that your own brand of navel-gazing isn't quite to everyone's taste either, but as I assume the majority of the audience is female, it's not straightforward to ascribe sexism.

(BTW, I LOVE carrying home my six foot Christmas tree every year. Everyone who sees me carrying it has a big smile, and lots of them make comments. Some about me carrying it, some taking the piss at my red face, some saying "Ooh, I need to get mine".)

A woman delivered some huge boxes the other day and offered to take them up the steps to our door but I said I’d stay with them till dh came to fetch them as he was taking them to his workplace. I said wow you’re so strong because I was actually impressed as how strong she was and if I lift anything at all heavy I tend to get back ache for days after. I don’t think she minded, I hope not because I didn’t mean it in a patronising way at all, I thought she was awesome.

No one is being unreasonable here - you highlight a good point OP - some women are born naturally physically strong - myself included. I've found it a bonus over the years, not having to rely on a 'strong' man to help with things that I could physically do myself.

Karwon came across one in her post above.

I'm not built like a brick shit house either - just with naturally large shoulders in proportion to my size. A women's brain that thinks more than man-brawn alone has allowed me to do very heavy things that challenges man-brawn in the same circumstances.

I'm in my late 50s now, still strongish, but thankfully DS18 has my shoulders so I do now let him do some of the heavy stuff I used to do, with appreciation.

For years I heard more women than men say a 'man should do that' and I am somewhat disappointed that more women don't use their physical strength more than they do - given how much jogging, cycling and gym stuff they do now.

Such a shame they do it more to look good in tiny clothes rather than to be strong enough to do everything they can without asking for a man's help.

I used to arm wrestle as a party trick, crazily strong arms from carrying toddlers around all day.

But I still think OP is maybe overthinking this. However as she said it stood out for her and made her pause and feel a little uncomfortable , maybe he said it in a time that was unusual.

Anyway, as I said it wouldn't have sounded out of place here in our neck of the woods and I'd have probably taken it as a greeting/ social chatter in passing. And given it no further thought than "Yup I am strongest woman alive"... (...that that person's seen today ...) . Maybe his gf/partner/Dsis/Mum always asked him to carry the shopping bags and he's genuinely impressed! You might have opened his eyes 👀

@thecatsthecats

I've noticed a lot of solo people, especially older people, striking up odd conversations in the past few weeks. I'm assuming due to lockdown related loneliness.

OP, you seem to have a great line in amused defensiveness at anyone who finds your analysis self-centered (which no doubt you'll employ again for me), but sometimes a spade is just a spade, and sometimes shit chat is just shit chat. For what it's worth, I observe in this thread that your own brand of navel-gazing isn't quite to everyone's taste either, but as I assume the majority of the audience is female, it's not straightforward to ascribe sexism.

(BTW, I LOVE carrying home my six foot Christmas tree every year. Everyone who sees me carrying it has a big smile, and lots of them make comments. Some about me carrying it, some taking the piss at my red face, some saying "Ooh, I need to get mine".)

Actually (since you ask) I'm mostly just bored, and thought I'd share that particular "incident" as a bit of harmless fun. (a distraction from that shitty virus situation...) But it's rather fascinating how quick some people are to over interpret and pass judgment. (... Ironic, I know, given my first post. I must confess it was obviously phrased to elicit a response, but did come from a genuine place of wondering "what the hell just happened? " and seeking some second opinions)

Re: "navel gazing", I guess this means the only socially appropriate answer around this place when being duly chastised is to just nod and smile? I'll try to bear that in mind (happy? I actually like your tone, it's a lot more civilised and balanced than some of the other posters)

Re: sexism, I think it would be wrong to assume women can't exhibit misogynistic behaviour, but on that particular thread, I guess it's more of a case that AIBU topics tend to attract people eager to start a bun fight.

By the way, for the sake of balance, I asked DH for a second opinion.

Me: "Imagine you're walking your dog, and there comes a lady carrying large shopping bags. She readjusts one of the straps. What do you do?"
DH: "er, is it the morning? I'd say good morning"
Me: "ok, if you were not you, what else could you say?"
DH: "er, show us your [glances at DCs] ... body parts?... Did that happen to you? When was this? "
Me: "try again"
DH: "I give up"
Me: "something something (did't get that bit) world strongest woman"
DM: "er, what? "

So, yeah, long story short, he was as confused as I was. His verdict: probably someone who just says the first thing that pops in their head without thinking. Or maybe: some kind of very lame pick-up line.
And he recalled how yesterday some old bloke felt the need to share how much he approved of us taking the kids to the park. And the lady who commented on how many grass hoppers there was in the field, So I guess some people are lonely indeed. Can't blame them for that, me too!
... I guess I'd just rather talk about the weather than about how strong or not I am... (don't feel so strong in the world we currently live in, if I'm honest )