To think if I was a man they wouldn't comment...

[PasserbyEffect]

... and the comment is (perhaps) more "normative" (pointing out I'm not acting lady-like) than truly flattering.

The story: the other day I went shopping for food (family of four), took two large bags, filled them with various goods, including tins and bottles (but also lighter stuff like crisps and pasta). Pretty heavy, but manageable.
I was walking back home (10 minutes away), nearly there, decided to pause to readjust one of the straps which was starting to dig into my hand...

There comes that man walking his dog (about same age as me, and average build, like me), and with a big smile he said something like "[something something, didn't catch that bit] world strongest woman". It didn't sound malicious but it felt bizarre (I'm just doing my bloody shopping, not competing for the Olympics?).

Thinking about it, it's not the first time this happened to me. Always the same story: I'm minding my own business, which does sometimes involve a certain amount of physical strength (e.g. carrying a large bag of laundry to the local launderette, or shifting furniture into a van during a house move), and some random bloke just passing by makes some kind of positive-yet-somewhat-sarcastic(?) comment, like I'm Wonder Woman or Popeye.

YABU: I am a weirdo for doing all this man-like stuff, and should expect perfect strangers to comment on it.
Or, they are being genuinely admirative, nothing sarcastic, and I should be grateful.
Or, this has nothing to do with gender, anyone would comment on anyone carrying something relatively heavy in a public space.

YANBU: they are weirdos, and although they may find "strong women" attractive to some extent, they're also negging/trying to put me in my place.

He is simply being friendly and acknowledging the fact your are lugging heavy bags that cut into your hand.

You think you are special for lifting heavy things don't you?

It’s similar to cleaning your car you know someone is going to joke about cleaning theirs.

And that is definitely something that men say to other men.

Nothing to do with him being a man that's the kind of awkward comment I might make to someone.

I'm 5 ft and weigh 8 stone. I've renovated 3 houses and a flat by myself and never once has anyone made a comment or offered to help when I have been lugging heavy boxes of tiles or when I'm struggling to lift things at the tip.
Considering my size I would love it if anyone actually acknowledged it or would be delighted if anyone ever offered to help when I am often doing a 2 person job clearly by myself with the added physical disadvantage of being small but its never happened to me. No one bats an eyelid.
I assume he was just making conversation.

When my kids were small I used to get the 'you've got your hands full' (there were five of them, and only a seven year gap first to last). I eventually got a T shirt printed with 'Yes, I have got my hands full' on it.

It stopped the comments, and made people smile.

It's just chit chat. Like 'isn't it a lovely day' or 'looks like rain again.'

The children's father ALSO used to get 'you've got your hands full' comments, it wasn't sexist. Just true.

I agree that people just need to say something and sometimes it's stating the obvious.

My friend had a t-shirt printed for her friend who was 6ft 5ins tall. The t-shirt read "Yes I'm very tall. Thank you for pointing that out."

It became his favourite shirt and on a trip to London once, he had loads of tourists from China wanting their photo taken with him!

I’ve had this on two occasions - both when I was carrying quite big household appliances home. On one of the occasions at least three men said something- didn’t offer help but made a ‘strong woman’ comment. This was in London- people were not in the habit of random small talk. I found it bizarre! I don’t find it objectionable but I do think it’s interesting, the fact that they saw fit to comment and the fact they seemed genuinely surprised to see a young woman doing some thing ever so slightly ‘Manly’.

I think probably they were just trying to be friendly. It's not something I would get upset or annoyed by.

See I think this. Am on my own and always lugging stuff about. Dosent bother me just get on with it. Men make comments, women make more. Maybe the men are used to (a lot) of women who would just stand and watch a man and never cross their mind to get to it.

Also.... smile love, it might never happen.... grrr fucks me right off that one. Now I tell them that my grandad died today! Shuts them right up and makes them feel a wanker

When did chit chat become a single comment by a stranger?

I think there is a general annoyance at random men who feel entitled to your attention / time. The "give us a smile luv" brigade. ODFOD.

This seems to me like people just making conversation, but in a way which you personally find annoying and can't be arsed with. Which is fine. As long as they get the hint and piss off sharpish, no issue at all - sometimes you want to chat to randoms, sometimes you don't.

Interesting YABU/YANBU breakdown.

Also interesting that the YABU assumed I was offended, instead of vaguely amused/confused at the awkwardness of the situation (yes, node and smile, I know the trick). I've obviously (by virtue of being female, and existing in a public place) heard far worse when it comes to random blokes making one-sided "chit-chat" (that typically does not actually require an answer from the recipient. You know, "show us your tits" and what not...)

But is offering an unsolicited comment on someone's gender and body really the same thing as stating they've got their hands full, or offering to help? Neither of the latter two would have struck me as socially awkward. It's the "she-hulk" comments I find bizarre (especially when directed at someone who looks like your average librarian, and is simply carrying out rather banal everyday chores)
The hostility of some of the YABU is quite remarkable. I guess it hit a nerve

It wasn't really a comment on your body though

Even in normal life, so many people are very lonely. They just want a big of human contact. Hence they may say stuff that could be clumsy, but their main motive is a bit of social exchange.

Hmm well I agree it's unlikely that this would be said to a man, but I wouldn't take it badly if someone said it to me. Maybe that's because I always get really happy if anyone calls me strong. I think it's the child in me.

I absolutely detest being told to smile by strange men though.

I used to carry heavy shopping bags approx 2miles every Saturday. Men & women used to comment, it never occurred to me that I should be offended.

You are seriously overthinking harmless chit chat.

@silverbubbles You think you are special for lifting heavy things don't you?

I guarantee I will hear a comment like this in the playground when I go back to working in a primary school this week.

Is a comment on body strength not a comment on someone's body?
Is it only a comment on someone's body if it comments on their appearance?

At the end of day, I couln't care less what some random stranger thinks of me. I just find the whole behaviour completely bizarre. Trying to understand what motivates it before judging them (and yes, they don't mean harm, I get it. Bless them! Doesn't mean there's not unconscious stereotypes or social conditioning at the root)

I do get "talking about the weather" small talk. Or (somewhat nosy) "commenting on someone's behaviour" small talk ("my, what a lot of shopping! Having a party? ").
I don't really get "commenting on someone's body" small talk (isn't it, you know... kinda rude? Then again, I've heard worse... "Are you curly all over?", said that other bloke a long time ago, upon noticing my curly hair. Still makes me laugh at the sheer awkwardness )

By the way, people assuming "I'm taking offense". I think you're projecting

It's just one of those comments strangers make that can be annoying at times . It's not meant anything by it but sometimes you can think what!!.
I used to always hate someone (usually a older man )say cheer up love might never happen. I would just smile and hurry along and think I'd look a loon if i was smiling to myself but the guy was just trying to cheer me up no offence was meant .

You can’t challenge the patriarchy without challenging this type of patronising, sexist cr*p.

It is just another example of everyday sexism in my book and should be called out.

@silverbubbles

He is simply being friendly and acknowledging the fact your are lugging heavy bags that cut into your hand.

You think you are special for lifting heavy things don't you?

Oh, silverbubbles, I think you're my favourite YANBU so far! Sooo determined to share some nasty belittling comment, and so completely missing the point that, indeed, there is nothing really that special about carrying heavy things, which begs the question, why comment about it all? And if commenting about it, why not focus on the situation in a empathetic manner ("Wow, that looks heavy! Do you still have far to walk? Good luck! Have a nice day, etc."), instead of offering a blunt external assessment of my person and its suitability for the task? (not even a good morning or anything, just straight to the point: "you strong!"... err, what?)

But point granted, some people just suck at small talk. I guess it's easy to forget when you've not left the house for a while. Which is why I will accept you're probably also just being friendly, in your own twisted fashion

Laast time I was lugging heavy bags in both hands , two men insisted on carrying them for me. I felt about 102.
One of them said "How are you going to get home from here? " I replied
"My husband has come to pick me up. He's that man laughing at us."

It’s an arsehole thing.
I work in a male dominated industry and get thinly veiled comments, I just call them out and say you wouldn’t be saying that to any man would you? most do look ashamed 🤣

Oh God no one is as interested in you as you think.