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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel very upset

77 replies

MadameBee · 31/05/2020 22:35

Ok so please be kind I am struggling with this a lot.

We have very close friends, a couple I was originally friends with and then my DH became friends with and ended up being our best man.

BM is clearly struggling withi Lockdown and and has become increasingly aggressive with me on anything I post on FB. He loves Boris and I do not and am very happy with KS.

Anything I have shared recently he has been absolutely brutal and rude towards me calling me stupid and it has really upset me and made me feel bullied, he has challenged females on my FB but not males.

He has now deleted me and I feel so upset. His wife is one of my best friends.

OP posts:

Bluewater1 · 31/05/2020 22:37

I've seen some people post terribly aggressive responses on other people's FB post and I just don't think it's necessary or OK. I'm sorry that's happened to you OP

CyberNan · 31/05/2020 22:39

that's the downside of spending time FB... people are very brave behind their keyboards. would he discuss these differences in opinion with you or is it only on FB?

probably best that he has deleted you... problem has been resolved

Bluntness100 · 31/05/2020 22:41

Are you sharing political stuff on face book then? Sort of left wing stuff or slagging off the tories? Is that what he’s reacting to?

I don’t think his telling you you’re stupid is ok. But I do think what you are sharing on face book maybe part of this and why he’s deleted you.

crispysausagerolls · 31/05/2020 22:47

This is what happens if you get all political on Facebook. Tempers flare. People argue. It gets personal, and passionate and angry. Not everyone has the same opinion and sometimes it’s better not discussed. Calling you stupid was rude, yes. I would be interested to see what you said to him though.

LaurieFairyCake · 31/05/2020 22:50

Send him a text you're glad he deleted you as it was obvious he was having a tough time coping with you having a different opinion. And that you hope he's ok and that you can meet up when all this is over.

If he responds aggressively he's going to look like a right cunt - don't respond, you now know where you are.

Bluntness100 · 31/05/2020 22:54

Lol, don’t send him the passive aggressive text Laurie suggests. 🤣

Aquamarine1029 · 31/05/2020 22:55

You could have avoided this by preventing him from seeing your posts. He's an idiot, but this mess could have been avoided. He's clearly not coping well.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 31/05/2020 22:58

This is the problem with posting political stuff on Facebook. My DM does it and it always causes arguments between her and others.

He was rude however if you're going to post political things you're going to have to expect arguments.

zscaler · 01/06/2020 07:15

But I do think what you are sharing on face book maybe part of this and why he’s deleted you.

Sharing political content on Facebook doesn’t make it ok for your friends to call you stupid.

trellishead · 01/06/2020 07:26

If he loves Boris this will continue. Deleting was the right thing. You won't be able to get through to him so don't let it get to you. I know the types of responses you mean - it's unpleasant and thuggish. They are fools.

CherrySpritz · 01/06/2020 07:35

I think Facebook is a fun, lighthearted thing. I have a dear friend who, since lockdown, is posting lots of angry political rants at every opportunity. It’s becoming very tedious and I really wish I could unfriend her but I can’t as it would affect our real life friendship. I can’t really blame your friend if you are posting political rants which he is perfectly entitled to disagree with.

Original poster

MadameBee · 01/06/2020 07:44

Memes not rants.

OP posts:

NerrSnerr · 01/06/2020 07:45

You can decide who sees your posts on Facebook. On the audience bit you can set it to 'friends except ....' and tick who you don't want to see it.

Just stop him from seeing them.

onalongsabbatical · 01/06/2020 07:45

He loves Boris and I do not and am very happy with KS. It's unlikely you are ever going to be close with him again, then, but the problem is you are very close to his wife, right?
So what does she think about this? Is she capable of functioning as a separate person to her husband and maintaining her important friendship with you? Where does she stand on the politics?

Davros · 01/06/2020 07:45

This is why I left FB for a couple of years, around the time of Theresa May's snap election. One friend in particular was sharing political posts non-stop. I felt bombarded. I did mute her but it spoilt it for me which is a shame because I wanted to use FB "my way" but felt it was hijacked

NerrSnerr · 01/06/2020 07:46

Oh sorry he's deleted you. That's fair enough, you knew the political stuff was pissing him off (whether he's in the wrong is irrelevant, it's his FB feed). He's probably trying to protect his own mental health.

MarieQueenofScots · 01/06/2020 07:48

He could easily make his timeline work for him by unfollowing you.

Rather he’s tried to bully you into something different. Don’t both with him, you don’t owe him anything.

Contact his wife and say you hope his behaviour isn’t going to affect your friendship.

dottiedodah · 01/06/2020 07:49

If he is so rude then he isnt much of a loss really! My DM always said to never discuss Politics or Religion as no one ever agrees ,and just fall out.If you are friends with his wife cant you talk to her /see her on your own ? I think BJ is doing a very good job ATM .However I realise not everyone will agree ,and surely thats the mark of a civilised society to try and see each others viewpoint without falling out.

NameChange84 · 01/06/2020 07:54

I lost a best friend after seeing stuff she liked and shared which made it obvious that since getting into a relationship with a new man (her now husband) that she was now a white supremacist and he is a Neo Nazi. I’m
BAME. It all happened around Brexit. Up until then she was very outspoken about hating racism.

I’ve no doubt we would still be best friends had I never seen what she liked and wrote on FB and Twitter. That obviously wouldn’t have been a good thing!

If you like or share or comment on political stuff on FB people are going to see it and they might not agree with you. Even when I agreed with someone’s political outlook, I often found myself getting angry and rolling my eyes at just how politically aggressive and opinionated some of my FB friends were; it got boring and felt like a massive lecture. I stick to the old rules my grandad passed on; no politics, religion or football talk.

DomDoesWotHeWants · 01/06/2020 07:57

I'm not sure why you waited so long to delete him yourself.

Block him. He isn't worth knowing.

Original poster

MadameBee · 01/06/2020 07:57

I just share Memes, normally the ones I find amusing, I am not on my soap box.

OP posts:

Original poster

MadameBee · 01/06/2020 07:58

I did actually consider deleting him a few weeks ago after I texted him and very nicely asked him to lay off a bit.

OP posts:

022828MAN · 01/06/2020 08:01

The lockdown has definitely brought the worst out in everyone on both sides of the political spectrum imo.
Frustratingly I have discovered that I have opposing beliefs to some of my closest friends. I have now deleted Instagram on my phone (I'm not on Facebook), as I found I was starting to feel stressed out by all of the incessant political posts. I would never have been rude or blocked one of my friends though.

Original poster

MadameBee · 01/06/2020 08:01

Interestingly when he started on people who had commented it was only women he started on, never men and he never challenges my DH (who shares my views).

OP posts:

redcarbluecar · 01/06/2020 08:02

Agree with PP about the inflammatory nature of political posts on FB. I’ve snoozed a few people who’ve posted things that (perhaps irrationally) have wound me up. Some people feel personally attacked by disagreement, and lash out in return.
Sorry this has happened OP as it’s clearly stressful, but I think in a way that it’s no bad thing he’s deleted you. If possible I’d suggest just ignoring it and being normal and pleasant when you see him.

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