To feel very upset

[MadameBee]

Ok so please be kind I am struggling with this a lot.

We have very close friends, a couple I was originally friends with and then my DH became friends with and ended up being our best man.

BM is clearly struggling withi Lockdown and and has become increasingly aggressive with me on anything I post on FB. He loves Boris and I do not and am very happy with KS.

Anything I have shared recently he has been absolutely brutal and rude towards me calling me stupid and it has really upset me and made me feel bullied, he has challenged females on my FB but not males.

He has now deleted me and I feel so upset. His wife is one of my best friends.

I have had to hide my oldest friends timeline and we are similar in politics. It has gone from labour supporting to a dark jokes and Tory hating. It’s just constant.

If someone's FB content annoys me I unfollow them without being a dick about it or deleting them.

YANBU. He's being a big baby.

Yanbu to be upset if he is being aggressive towards you. But it does sort of depend what stuff you are posting really.
I am broadly a Boris supporter (I don’t think he is doing a particularly good job at the moment though) and was quite horrified at the Toxic, arrogant and violent stuff that was posted after the last election by some of my friends. Accusing everyone who voted Tory of being murderers and wanting the disabled to die. If it’s that kind of thing you are posting then I don’t blame him for being a bit annoyed.
If it’s just general memes/ comment then he should accept that you have different opinions and neither are stupid.

onalong are you that narrow minded/ insecure that you can’t be friends With someone who has different views than you? How sad.

So many people saying he’s entitled to delete OP as a friend if he disagrees with her and conveniently ignoring the part where he was rude and called her stupid first. Mumsnet posters have an unmatched ability to be selective in what they absorb from a post when they have the opportunity to stick in the boot.

I have an uncle who is a gun-toting, MAGA yelling, deeply committed Trump supporter. I simply unfollowed him, as a result of which I never see his posts (which I never engaged with) on my timeline. No reason why OP’s friend couldn’t have done the same instead of throwing a strop, calling her stupid, leaving rude comments and then unfriending her on Facebook.

I wouldn’t dream of ever posting anything violent or extreme. I like to think I am broad minded.

Never a good idea to discuss politics or religion, especially if friends have different views. We naturally think our opinion is the right one, people with opposite views will think that theirs is also right. There are no winners in a battle of who is right and who just doesn't believe what the other is saying

He sounds emotionally immature.

If you are secure in your arguments and confident in your right to hold them, then it doesn't upset you as much that others hold opposing views.

I remember I had to have this spelled again out to me by somebody wiser and calmer than myself 2 years ago at the point of the repeal the 8th referendum in Ireland. I literally felt sick with confusion, fear, exasperation and when I discovered that somebody 'normal' was voting no. It was a real lesson for me. I had to urgently distance myself from others' beliefs. It has a calming effect. HE is the one who can't do this! I get it because I used to be the same. But I really admire people who can discuss totally different positions without being threatened. Boris certainly does polarise people! That man must be used to Boris having his detractors. I think you're probably right that it annoys him more that a woman dares to challenge him! What can you do.

I find it interesting that he's only challenged his female friends. It suggests that he's quite happy to act like Billy big bollocks against people that he perceives to be weaker than him.

Where is your DH in all of this? If one of our shared friends was being really aggressive towards me on social media, my DH would not be happy and would tell them so.

DH is upset but neither us nor the other couple are the type of people who would step in and fight each other’s battles, we are all grown adults and capable of speaking for ourselves.

@CherrySpritz you can snooze your friend without her seeing.

He's a knob
Don't give him any more of your thoughts

Ps, if it ever comes up in conversation with mutual friends, he will be embarrassed. He called you stupid and then deleted you. You have a comfortable seat in the higher ground.

Text him...”why have you deleted me from Facebook?”
If he’s a good friend as you say, it should be ok to open up a discussion.

DH is upset but neither us nor the other couple are the type of people who would step in and fight each other’s battles, we are all grown adults and capable of speaking for ourselves.

Same here, but I think there is a difference between having a heated exchange of views, and someone deliberately and consistently being aggressive towards you. In the latter situation my DH would be backing me on social media - if only to show up the hypocrisy of going after one person but not another despite both holding the same views.

I would ignore him completely. Carry on with your friendship with his wife. Post-lockdown if he wants to play nice friends then he can start with an apology for being such a dickhead, and have a think about why he is so aggressive towards women who think differently.

He doesn’t sound a good friend in the slightest.

Good friends accept their friends different opinions and take their own measures to not see anything that upsets them rather than abuse/belittle them.

I agree with @tappering. A text from your husband saying ''have you deleted my wife but not me? I agree with her.'' would make him feel peak hypocrite. (If he has any awareness)

Yeah I agree in a way but don’t think it’s going to help his misogyny if I get my DH to back me up?

True. But it's not your job to fix his misogyny.

Sounds like he can tolerated an exchange of views with a man but not with a woman and if either of you can be bother you could point that out to him. He probably thinks that you were cheekier. You were ruder.

But only if you can be bothered attempting to educate him.

I think you saying to him "No problem you deleting me, but why not DH too as we have the same views" would be better, then it will out when he is a misogynist or whether he has something just against you personally.

Unless DH doesnt post the same as you with the memes I suppose

Interestingly when he started on people who had commented it was only women he started on, never men and he never challenges my DH (who shares my views).

Course he does. He knows Lockdown won't last forever and doesn't want to run the risk of being flattened by some offended male pal when he gets out and about again.

The risk of being flattened by an outraged female pal is significantly less so he's safe to froth off at them.

I'd keep him on delete. The beauty of him deleting you is that you can genuinely say, I don't know what his problem is, HE deleted ME and I think going on recent experience, it's best to keep things that way.

I don’t think I’d confront it at all. It might be better for you to act as if you’ve barely noticed rather than feeding his desire for attention.

When it's the other way round and people on here say "my bf keeps posting political stuff and it's the opposite of what i believe" i always say: unfriend.
And if people in RL are so sensitive to being unfriended on fb and it would really impact your life in a negative way, just unfollow, snooze, scroll past whatever.

So this is the other way round, why worry?
The only thing i would say is that you probably could have called him out on what he was commenting, asking him to delete his replies to you or even deleting them yourself. You can do that I think.
It may be worth telling your DH what you said here that he doesn't make comments to him about his similar post and appears only to be doing it to women and ask for his perspective.

Picture this:

You have a friend who has different political or cultural views to you. Every time you see them, they make jokes about something you feel strongly about. You try and ignore it but sometimes you get so incensed you argue back. Eventually, you’d start not wanting to see them, wouldn’t you?

You have the right to choose how you use social media, but if you’re going to post provocative stuff, you should be strong enough to take the reaction.

Is it only me who finds the idea of hiding your political views a bit nuts? I see it suggested on MN all the time but considering politics is what shapes every aspect of our lives I think people should be talking about it a lot more than they do. Discussion and critical thinking is what changes policies and laws for the better.

I do not think you are to blame for sharing a political meme, OP; at the end of the day it is up to him to remember that he is an adult and that different people have different views.

I could insult lots of people about the shit they post on Facebook but I don’t, I’m fed up of reading crap stuff every day.Some People are frustrated with life at the moment And are finding it hard. He’s deleted you now so move and and don’t worry . It’s really not worth it.