Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

On the brink of breaking lockdown - what would you do

107 replies

MyNameForToday1980 · 31/05/2020 00:21

We've stuck by rules of lockdown to the letter. As have my parents.

DM and DDad are keen to visit tomorrow.

DM has been shielding (she's on the list). They're desperate to see DS. DM has been asking for several weeks to visit, I've said no; partly to do our civic duty, partly to protect her.

There is a good chance that this is the safest possible time for them to visit as DS returns to nursery next week when our lockdown bubble will be broken.

We've been working form home with DS(3) since the week before lockdown officially started. DS hasn't even been in a shop since the start, DH and I have each been to the shops twice in the however-many-weeks it is now. Literally no other contact with people.

We WOULD NOT be socially distancing in the garden (not big enough) but we are not a particularly physically close/huggy family.

I know it's breaking the rules. And until yesterday I wouldn't even have considered it.

But it dawned on me, if we don't do it now, DM and DDad might not be able to visit until there's a vaccine, and there's a fair chance DM won't make it that long (not terminally ill, but long term immuno compromised with underlying conditions).

WWYD.

YABU - don't do it
YANBU - do it, take reasonable precautions

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 31/05/2020 06:54

Do it, better now than when nursery starts. Life can never be risk free

SpinningTooFastWantToGetOff · 31/05/2020 06:55

In such moral dilemmas now I ask myself one question...what would Dom do? Then I go ahead and do what I want Wink

scheffsm · 31/05/2020 06:56

I don't know whether you should do it or not. Probably not because she is immuno-compromised.

I wanted to address this:
But it dawned on me, if we don't do it now, DM and DDad might not be able to visit until there's a vaccine,

This pops up on nearly every thread and all over the newspapers. This is utter nonsense. I am in another EU country and we are further along in the pandemic than the UK. We have just one or two new cases a day in the whole country.
Our government has told us from the beginning no visiting elderly people in care homes until there is a vaccine; no freedom to travel outside national borders until there is a vaccine; no meeting up with friends and family until there is a vaccine etcetc.
Facemasks will be compulsory until there is a vaccine

Is there a vaccine yet? NO
Are we now allowed to do all of these things? YES
Facemasks to be ditched from the 15th June.

Italy is soon to be opened up to tourists. Italians will also be able to travel outside their national borders. Italy was a European hotspot for Corona.
Is their a vaccine yet? NO

I have no idea why governments and press have been going on and on about what we won't be allowed to do until there is a vaccine. It's bullshit.

So don't let the idea of having to wait 2 years for a vaccine to be allowed to see your mother influence your decision making now.
It's bollocks.

DomDoesWotHeWants · 31/05/2020 06:56

@SpinningTooFastWantToGetOff

In such moral dilemmas now I ask myself one question...what would Dom do? Then I go ahead and do what I want Wink
Good choice.
scheffsm · 31/05/2020 06:57

There not their - fuck's sake!

iVampire · 31/05/2020 06:58

Beeb announced later last night that there will be a new announcement today allowing the shielded to go out once a day from tomorrow.

As long as you can keep a rigid distance, then bringing that forwards 24 hours makes no real difference at all. We are also allowed, during an outing, to ‘meet’ at a distance one person to exercise with. I don’t see why that person could not be you.

NoHardSell · 31/05/2020 06:58

I would have done it already. It's taken you quite a long time to run the same risk assessment on your personal situation. This is the best time to see vulnerable people for a long time to come. Just remember - you broke lockdown.

twinnywinny14 · 31/05/2020 06:59

When was the last time you or DH left the house? If it was within the last 14days then I I wouldn’t do it, you have no idea if you currently have it or are infectious to your mum and if she got it in next few days you would never forgive yourself and it could kill her. If it was more than14days ago then you are not likely to have the infection to pass on and the risk is therefore low.

twinnywinny14 · 31/05/2020 07:00

@SpinningTooFastWantToGetOff in that case we can’t really say he was wrong if everyone is now doing it? To put your family at risk of catching and dying from this disease because Dominic Cummings broke the rule sis idiotic and immature

twinnywinny14 · 31/05/2020 07:03

those people saying the vulnerable are going to be able to meet one person socially distancing, this is not what the OP said they were thinking of doing. There is a group of people less than 2M apart- do people really think that is safe?

pilates · 31/05/2020 07:04

I would but outside. I’m sure you can do 2 metres in your garden or perhaps go to a park.

iVampire · 31/05/2020 07:07

a) the vulnerable and the shielded are not the same group
b) OP’s DMum is shielding, do tat level of advice does apply
c) as the changes to shielding have not yet been formally announced we have to rely on media reports of what they will be
d) that change of advice might be relevant in what they eventually decide to do - which might be a modified version of the original plan, more in keeping with the expected changes for shielders

vanillandhoney · 31/05/2020 07:11

Christ, just do it.

WafflesandPancakess · 31/05/2020 07:17

Personally I would be okay with that.

I had my Mum visit yesterday. She has type 1 diabetes, I am still going out to work. We risk assessed (ultimately it was her decision) and decided to go for it. Luckily we have a garden though so were able to stay outside.

How about a picnic somewhere?

monsterific · 31/05/2020 07:23

I would do it OP as you say safer than when DS is back at nursery in my opinion. Hope you all have a lovely time.

ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal · 31/05/2020 07:25

If your parents are happy to take the risk then do it.

eurochick · 31/05/2020 07:32

We jumped the gun by two days and met my parents in the garden yesterday. My daughter goes back to school next week so I wouldn't have felt right doing it next weekend. Other than my daughter running within about 1m of them for a second or two we remained socially distanced at all times. It was a bit weird but fine and I'm glad we did it.

yearinyearout · 31/05/2020 07:34

The "rules" changing really counts for nothing since the shielding has always been advisory. My shielding dm is coming to sit in our garden this week, but she's been going for occasional walks all the way through.

Is your garden really less than 6 feet wide OP? If your two households really can't stay apart why not take your own blanket/picnic and meet in a park?

ginghamtablecloths · 31/05/2020 07:40

It's tricky. Obviously you want to meet each other so doing so in a park might work. You may not be touchy feely normally but it's going to be difficult to resist a hug under the circs - after all you've not seen each other for weeks. I think it's going to be hard whichever you decide. All over the world there are grandparents who are heartbroken at not seeing their families.

wonkytonkwoman · 31/05/2020 07:40

Do you have side or back entrance to your garden, OP? If you do, your parents could come into your garden that way so wouldn't need to go into the house. They could bring their own flasks of tea or whatever.

I think other posters have had good ideas, i.e. have a bucket of water and soap and the social distancing hug for your DC and DM to do.

Your garden must be at least 2m wide unless you have a very narrow footprint indeed.

I took my DF, who is shielding, to an appointment this week as he has dementia and being in lockdown has had a serious effect on his mental health. I just couldn't stand the desolation in his voice over the phone so I put our relationship first; no one else was going take him. And I'd do it again because I know that is what he would want. Every family, and their priorities, are different.

Sometimes you just have to stop listening to the govt propaganda machine and go with your gut.

Bluesheep8 · 31/05/2020 07:40

How would you feel if she got covid though op? I can see why you're torn.

alreadytaken · 31/05/2020 07:46

Regardless of the "rules" what you need to consider is the real risk. When Dom went on his jaunt it was very high, now it's as low as it's going to get for a long time - what a covidiot did is no guide to what you should do. There is an argument for asking yourself what would Dom do - and doing the opposite

I'd do it now, outdoors as far as possible. Clean your toilet thoroughly and have a fresh bar of soap and a towel or paper towel just for them. They have asked, they are adults who can decide what level of risk they want to take and the risk wont get smaller. If your son has any sign of Covid toes no-one gets to visit

Does your child have to go to nursery? I might delay that a little.

RumbaswithPumbaas · 31/05/2020 07:50

She’s probably safer in your garden if you guys haven’t been anywhere/seen anyone - even if social distancing is slightly tricky, than public space/park I would say. Also easier to manage shade, keeping cool, toilet situation etc.

TeacupDrama · 31/05/2020 07:55

Shielding was always advisory not the law, right at the beginning Chris Whitty said that those very ill already may choose not to as so little time left. Your mother is an adult and can decide what risk she is comfortable with maybe she would rather risk covid than not see grandson again, there is more to living than just not being dead

rwalker · 31/05/2020 08:06

just because the government advice change does't mean any safer or any last risk to them so no I wouldn't