On the brink of breaking lockdown - what would you do

[MyNameForToday1980]

We've stuck by rules of lockdown to the letter. As have my parents.

DM and DDad are keen to visit tomorrow.

DM has been shielding (she's on the list). They're desperate to see DS. DM has been asking for several weeks to visit, I've said no; partly to do our civic duty, partly to protect her.

There is a good chance that this is the safest possible time for them to visit as DS returns to nursery next week when our lockdown bubble will be broken.

We've been working form home with DS(3) since the week before lockdown officially started. DS hasn't even been in a shop since the start, DH and I have each been to the shops twice in the however-many-weeks it is now. Literally no other contact with people.

We WOULD NOT be socially distancing in the garden (not big enough) but we are not a particularly physically close/huggy family.

I know it's breaking the rules. And until yesterday I wouldn't even have considered it.

But it dawned on me, if we don't do it now, DM and DDad might not be able to visit until there's a vaccine, and there's a fair chance DM won't make it that long (not terminally ill, but long term immuno compromised with underlying conditions).

WWYD.

YABU - don't do it
YANBU - do it, take reasonable precautions

[ThisIsGonnaHurt]

I have clicked YABU however if you could find a quiet open space near them then I would probably meet up. There is a reason they are shielding and unless you havent been shopping or touched anything at all that someone else has been in contact with there are no guarantees.

I have been 100% strict with lockdown but I think in this situation I would do it as long as we could social distance.

[kiwielite]

We’re in exactly the same position.

I start back at work and the kids start back at nursery on Wednesday the risk we pose to my parents will go up. Right now I consider our risk to my parents to be minimal, we’ve not been anywhere since March. We’re going to see my parents on Monday and Tuesday, indoors, unrestricted hugging and kissing. And then that’s it until July we’ve agreed.

Using my common sense as Boris advocates.

[SimonJT]

We did on Friday, I’m the at risk one, I haven’t been in a shop etc since lockdown began, neither has my son, my friend or my friends mum/sons grandma. My boyfriend did twice early on, but since then we have had online deliveries.

We have all been out and about, but away from other people. My son got to spend two hours with his grandma and his uncle. He hadn’t seen his grandma in the flesh since mid December.

[muckandnettles]

Every other home round us seems to be doing some sort of get together this weekend and I really don't blame them. I think we are all in the situation now where we are being asked to make our own minds up about what is safe and what isn't - we all have the facts now, such as they are, so we need to be careful (I suppose that's 'Alert') but try and get back to some sort of normality. My DH has been absolutely longing to go and do some DIY for our DD (I know, he's a fun guy!) and I really can't see that he won't give her a hug while he's there, although he could socially distance if he really wanted to. As he hasn't seen her since the end of February and she has been working really hard as a key worker, I can't see that he will just wave at her from a distance then go away. It's pretty unlikely that he will catch the virus from her and vice versa, but in the end it's their decision and I'm staying at home.

[LyraBelaqua]

Absolutely do it. My dad has been shielding from the beginning. Mum moved out to keep him safe so he’s been living alone. He’s now in intensive care fighting for his life. You just never know what around the corner. But I’d definitely do it.

[Muddlingalongalone]

We did it yesterday for exactly the reason that on our own personal risk assessment it was safer than once dd2 is back at school on tuesday.
Nobody is shielding or particularly vulnerable although parents in 60's.
My only pang of guilt came when we met one of their neighbours - although we definitely weren't within 2m he was much older & slightly fragile looking & I would hate to hurt someone else.
Was surprised how many fewer groups there were on South coast compared to NW London.
Spent most of the day on the beach but since it's a 2hrs journey each way we did go in the house as well for toilet/shade.

[ScarfLadysBag]

I would do it. Realistically, most of us are as low risk now as we will ever be thanks to weeks at home. I know we haven't even to a shop in eight weeks. Once kids are back in school and childcare, and people are starting back at work in offices etc., the risk rises again. So I actually now is exactly the time you should be seeing family as you might have to go without seeing them again for a while.

[MyNameForToday1980]

Thanks for all of your thoughts on this. It's pretty much how I feel, 95% sure it's the best time for a while, 5% scared of the potential consequences.

Our garden really is tiny, the previous owners extended into it so it is literally a 1.5m wide path the length of the houae., Big enough for a washing line for us and a water table for DS. We do have deck chairs which we could line up... Just about. But they'd need to go through the entire house to get to the garden.

I'd love to meet at the park, but we're in London and the parks are wildly busy. Ditto I'd love to drive to them but we don't drive (again, London, until now I've never needed to drive, trust me: driving lessons are my priority post lockdown!). So taking public transport to them sounds riskier than them driving here.

I think I'll go by DM's decision; she's a grown up, she's actually really very active normally (the illness she has is deadly, but very highly medicated, it's the medication which interferes with her immune system), and she's very totally logical (also, she's pretty cautious so will have weighed up the risks). So if she's a 'yes' then I'll go with it. But I'll give her every option to back out at any time.

I also hope the neighbours won't judge. Not that I REALLY care about that, but we have lovely neighbours and everyone in the nearest houses has really committed to lockdown too.

[PissOffStayAtHomeDogMum]

I'd definitely do it. Though I've been doing similar all along anyway.

[LemonTT]

The London parks aren’t wildly busy. They are quite empty before midday.

[MyNameForToday1980]

Regarding delaying sending DS back to nursery, it's feasible but difficult. DH and I work from full time from home, lockdown has been hard. Of course it's doable, though.

I think DS would benefit from being back, and from the re-settling in period that starts next week. And I know my productivity (and therefore my job security) would improve. But I'm not making my mind up until tomorrow, I'm judging it based on the continued decline (and speed of decline) in hospitalisations for CV, which admittedly is hard to track on a Sunday due to the reporting delay.

I hate this. We've stuck with it, and done the very best wecan, but I hate the situation.

[Neverender]

I'm not. We all have individual choices to make, but there's no way I'm going to see my DM with my 3yr old.

[Neverender]

I'm too scared of the consequences of doing it - I couldn't live with myself.

[Muminlockdown2020]

This is my predicament too. My parents want to come over on Tuesday into our garden and watch the kids in the paddling pool. I don't mind as we have a large garden but my dad doesn't follow the rules and will wander about. He will find an excuse to go into the house and will want to use our toilet. I know Boris says we can but we still don't feel comfortable with it. Our toilet is in the centre of the house so not easy access. They are pushing it on us and I will feel a bag of nerves whilst they are here.

[AnneElliott]

Yes I'd do it. It is her decision. If you stay outside the risk of transmission is much less.

[Meredithgrey1]

I'd do it. I'm assuming your mum is fully aware of the situation and the risks, and I agree with your logic that if your son is going back to nursery this may be your last chance for a while.

[Qgardens]

It's complying with the spirit of the message. So not compromising each other. If you can do that with no risk to each other then do what you want.
It's the idiots who have no regard for minimising risks that make me furious. Not people who are breaking guidelines safely.

[SimonJT]

@MyNameForToday1980 Where in London are you? The parks in NE aren’t busy at all before 12 or after about 4:30.

[Lweji]

If you've all been shielding or keeping social distancing, the risk should be low.

Having said that, I'd do my best to keep all windows open, keep as far as possible from each other, wash hands frequently and if possible all wear masks while not eating.

Recent data strongly suggests transmission is almost 20x greater indoors.

[majesticallyawkward]

Do it, everyone is aware and happy with it, you've all been very isolated up to now so risks are v small.

We broke lockdown, weighed up risks v benefit and went for it. It's the last chance I'll have to see my mum for a while as she'll be self isolating from next week before an op mid-June then another 2 weeks of isolating after.

[Toddlerteaplease]

Do it.

[MyNameForToday1980]

@SimonJT we're between Clapham Common and Tooting Common, I haven't been to either 'on peak' for yonks, but they're pretty rammed off peak. And the pictures on the local Facebook pages are all horrifyingly busy (obv. that's why the pictures were taken, and they wouldn't have taken photos of the quiet corners).

[nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut]

I'd do it too. Sanitise the fuck out of everything they could possibly touch. Anything on the way to the toilet, banisters etc. Wash hands and just make sure not to breathe directly on each other. I cant see how any of you could reasonably be carrying it but be careful anyway.

[1forsorrow]

Is the garden long enough for you to sit in a zigzag? I'm no good at geometry but if the chairs are staggered from one side of the garden to the other you might be able to make it 2 metres. I think!

[Rosebel]

We're going to see my parents on Wednesday and I don't care anymore. I haven't seen them for 12 weeks and although they aren't ill they are in their late 70s so not going to live forever. We will be in the garden with no touching so safe as possible.
If we wait for a vaccine (which could be never) it might be too late anyway. Besides,from Monday you can mix with up to 6 people so doing it a day early won't hurt.