To be this worried about autism with 11 mo? Keeping me up at night

[Okeeffe]

My DS is 11 months old. He can sit up, stand up, crawl and cruise but he can't walk. He can climb up stairs too.

He doesn't wave, clap or point. He doesn't imitate sounds or gestures.

He babbles a bit, says dadada and gagaga but not mama. He will only speak on his own accord and won't repeat words back to us.

He mainly just wants to stand up on things, but when he does play he loves turning the pages on books and walking round and round his music table. Doesn't do much else. He puts literally everything in his mouth! On other toys he might just sit and fiddle with the labels.

He doesn't often headbang, but when occasionally when near mirrors/radiators he leans back and hits his head against them gently

He bites us a lot, and pulls our hair.

He is a very smiley happy boy, laughs a lot, plays peekaboo, follows a point and will chase/be chased.

Loves the bath and paddling pool, splashes around and stands up lots.

Will play in garden and on beach, tries to eat sand/grass but seems happy. When in new places he won't look at me at all, too distracted.

Answers to his name sometimes, but sometimes won't. Generally makes good eye contact but sometimes actively looks away and ignores.

Eats well, feeds himself baby led weaning sort of meals, used to take a spoon from us but now refuses. Will try most things. Sometimes during meals he will randomly start hysterically crying and we don't know why.

Cries when falls over but even when he's barely fallen or has caught himself, hysterics and will need a cuddle and to be picked up to calm down.

Sleeps fairly well, will cry for a few minutes when put down for naps but then will just go to sleep.

Not interested in TV or nursery rhymes. Does like when I rub his belly "round and round the garden" loves being thrown in air/put upside down. Loves being tickled. Will play peekaboo behind curtains, initiated himself and will also giggle when we do it too him.

Not very cuddly, doesn't like to sit still

Health visitor has got me panicked about a few things. Can anyone put my mind at ease

I would get his hearing checked, just for reassurance once lockdown is over.

He sounds lovely by the way

@mumwon He gets excited when we go into his room in the morning. Smiles, babbles, grabs at us through the bars if we kneel at the side of the cot and when we put our arms down towards him he lifts his arms up to be picked up. He does sometimes act shy but giggly, looking away from my eyes but smiling. Does this sound typical? Or another flag maybe?

Sounds normal to me.

Developmental milestones all come at different times. All babies will be quicker in one thing but slower in another, compared to another baby. If you worry about this enough to keep you awake, I'd suggest speaking to your GP about managing anxiety. Both of my children passed different milestones at different times. Both on the spectrum as am I. As a baby and child I was quite precocious with speech, reading and writing, walking and potty training. My eldest daughter still has continence issues as a teenager and my youngest mostly communicated by pointing until she was two. It really is hard to pinpoint something like this at such a young age without significant impairments and you are currently at such a wonderful stage, I miss those early days where it was all cuddles and new experiences and squishy nappy bums and I could still cosleep without being kicked out of bed. Just enjoy your baby.

If he does appear to be sensory seeking, have a search on amazon for sensory toys - you might find there's something he might prefer which he doesn't have to bruise his head on.

It all sounds perfectly fine to me, op.
Just carry on interacting with your ds the way you already are. Don't analyse every little thing. Relax and let him be himself. He sounds great!

The fact your baby responds to emotions (laughing etc) should put your mind at ease

children with Autism respond to emotions. That's an outdated view you have.

Keep an eye, if parents are concerned, 8/10 they are correct.

It's sad that you've been made to feel worried about this! Like others have said, he sounds like he is developing as you would expect an 11mo to. Could you ask to speak to another hv?

Please enjoy your baby OP. Whatever will be, will be.

Keep an eye, if parents are concerned, 8/10 they are correct.

That’s total bollocks, pretty much everyone I know was worried their (first) child had autism at some point.

OP, I don’t see anything to be concerned about there. I always thought that pointing came later, 13/14 months. It did with mine anyway.

I think it's a parent's perogative to worry and I'm sorry that you're going through this. If it helps as part of my job I've been involved in diagnostic assessments for ASD (autism spectrum disorder) and I'm also a parent myself. I'd echo what loads of other people are saying here- children aren't diagnosed with ASD before 2 at the very earliest for good reason: before then children take such different time trajectories in acquiring skills and this is considered normal. What you've described at 11 months old doesn't worry me, although I can understand why given what your health visitor said you're feeling on edge. (I'm sure they didn't mean to upset or worry you but I do feel it was irresponsible to say something like that to you when your little one is still so young). Not pointing or responding to their name at 11 months old doesn't automatically mean autism. They suspected my sister had autism at the age of 2 as she didn't give eye contact and didn't ever respond to her name... Turned out she had a hearing impairment. I'm not saying that this is the case with your child at all but I guess I'm trying to say it may be unhelpful for a health visitor to tell you they've seen red flags of autism when they can't know at your child's age whether this is a red flag. I know this might be hard but try and not get hung up too much at this stage and comparison with peers is your enemy!

For what it's worth my DS is now nearly 3. He didn't walk until after 18 months and in terms of language and other skills he has always seems a few months later than his peers. We've learnt that he just likes to take his time and will wait until he's confident that he can do something well before going for it. (Great for him, nerve wracking at times for us!) You're doing great, just keep gently encouraging things like pointing and interactive play and try to enjoy your little one in the moment. Sending warm wishes x

Smiling is a good sign. But if you're worried, has his hearing been checked since birth?

LaurieMarlow are you normally this aggressive from the way you talk? . Sit down.

Parents have a great intuition, if they suspect something is up, it usually is. However! This does not have to be Autism or a life-ling disability. It could be that the child has a delay, it could be that the child is a bit behind etc.

OP, I think by 18 months, if your child has not develop the skills I've mentioned. Then you can start worrying and investigating. They would not give a diagnosis until your child is two anyway. Enjoy her... and keep enjoying her.... to encourage her communication, I will sing nursery rhymes to her, ones with loads of hand gestures, play people games, like your already doing... i.e. peekaboo.... there's a fantastic website called "teachmehowtotalk", which has loads of activities to encourage communication.

All fine op HV sounds like a fool.

He sounds really well (and adorable) in my opinion and you sound like a fabulous Mom! There's nothing like the capacity to worry as a parent though! I really think he's doing fab!

He sounds lovely and like a very happy curious baby. It's such a great age.

Someone's probably already said this but in the instance that he does have ASD or another developmental problem, he is no different to the child you had the day before you saw the HV. What's more you cannot predict how things will turn out in life with anything.

What difference will you worrying about it make to the outcome / future?

Would you rather enjoy spending time with him as he is, or worry about something you cannot change?

I know it's hard not to stress or worry, and it's hard not to know what's wrong and be desperate to make it better or just do SOMETHING, anything to move forward.

Both of my children have different additional needs and health problems. It's been 2.5 years since my younger child was referred and we are no closer to an answer; it's been more than 4 years since we first raised concerns about my older child and it took two years and a lot of money on private doctors to be listened to - still have no answer.

With both we may never get a diagnosis, which is a hard pill to swallow. But I've spent so long worrying and stressing and it's not helped us make any progress, all it's done is distract me from enjoying my children. Don't be like me.

He doesn't sound autistic to me but it's hard to tell this early on.
Try not to stress about it, many many autistic people are able to function perfectly well in life.
I think once they've mastered one way of travel that'll kind of do until they need to move faster. You'll probably finding him running soon and all will be forgotten. Its stressful hoping they'll develop ok but you seem to be damn good mum so I doubt you're holding him back.
Just keep doing your normal interactions wave bye bye and he'll pick it up in his own time. 11mo is still so so young.

DD has only started pointing recently coupled with asking what things are. I'd say she only started pointing about 14mo, really. She was an early clapper because DH and I did it a lot whenever she achieved something so now she just applauds herself but specific gestures I wouldn't get caught up about. It's generally about the overall picture.

I’m also going against the grain.
I suspected autism at 5 months and was certain by 11 months. For me, the really obvious thing was the lack of joint attention, and the ‘intuition gap’ of no imitation.
I have a post on here where my concerns were dismissed. Our hv was equally dismissive.
As soon as he turned 16 months I went to the gp armed with our answers to the mchat test, and he was diagnosed at 3 and a half.
Parents often do know something is different. I have no intention of worrying you, but personally I found it very unhelpful to have my concerns dismissed, and it made me feel more isolated with my worries.
My son would previously have been described as ‘high functioning’- he speaks better than most, for example, can hold a conversation and whilst no Einstein, is perfectly intelligent. Whilst the future is a bit more uncertain than for most children, it is ok. Knowing early does not always mean worse outcomes.
Your child is probably nt, but if he isn’t, its best to know, and (although you won’t believe this now) it really isn’t the end of the world.

Firstly, whether he has autism or not is not your fault. It’s not because you’ve spent more or less time with him or not interacted as much as you feel you should.

Physical milestones as not really indicative of autism either way. Sometimes there are nuances in the fair but that would be difficult to tell with an 11mth old. Some children with ASD walk very early, some very late.

Talking isn’t really indicative either. It’s non verbal communication that you’re looking for. So showing, sharing and copying. It’s great that he follows a point. Pointing is the biggy and should be in place by 18mths but most children are pointing by 14mths so keep and eye on that. Not just pointing to things he wants but things he sees and wants you to share in such as a butterfly or an aeroplane. He should start pointing (hopefully with index finger but may start with whole hand) and turning to check you’re looking.

With sharing; does he bring things and hand them to you? Does he place things on your lap? Would he look and you and smile if you did a funny dance? How is his understanding? At 11mths, children understand far more than they can express. If he’s eating a biscuit and you ask if mummy can have some, does he offer it to you? If you ask, where’s Daddy? Will he turn to his dad? If you ask where his cup is, will he look at it? Pick it up to show you?

With copying you’re looking for signs of imitation. If you sit with plastic cups each and you bang yours will he copy? If you blow a raspberry? These should be in place by 12-14mths. Waving and clapping are signs of imitation too but not all babies do them. Does he play peekaboo? If you gave him a flannel and you had similar and hid behind and said, boo, would he attempt to cover his face with the flannel? Pointing is not imitation. If a human child never saw anyone clap or wave they would not clap or wave as an infant. However, they would point as it’s an instinct rather than imitated behaviour. So whilst it’s great for you to point regularly and encourage it, you can only really teach pointing at an object rather protodeclarative pointing (pointing to show and share with you something they find fascinating) Girls often point before boys and before 1yr. Most babies are pointing by 14mths but they should all be pointing by 18mths.

With play, it’s very difficult to notice at 11mths. Repetitive, rigid or unusual play are red flags but at 11mths, much of their play is repetitive. Things to look out for is unusual movements and play. So, moving objects back and forth in front of his eyes. Looking at things sideways, repetitive spinning-all kids spin things but it’s the sheer quantity and need to do the spinning that would be a red flag. So, all kids might like to spin a wheel but can easily be distracted by something new or different such as bubbles etc. A child with ASD will often struggle to detach themselves from the rigid, repetitive play. The differences are subtle in toddlers, and at 11mths they’d be extremely difficult to spot but keep an eye on these as he passes into his second year. You can google the MChat test online. Good to do at 18mths but can be tentatively done at 14/15mths.

So...these are just some bits and pieces to keep an eye on. Even if there is an issue it is not necessarily autism. It could be a hearing issue, or a speech delay or a mild developmental delay or, importantly, it may be absolutely nothing at all. And even if it is autism, it’s a huge spectrum and whilst it’s often challenging it doesn’t always present like your friend’s son.

Your HV was utterly wrong to say that, worry you and then leave it there. If she felt your son was showing signs of ASD or developmental delay she should refer you to the GP. She is not qualified to diagnose your son. Of course she can use her professional judgement but to say it and leave you worrying is wholly unprofessional and frankly, cruel. Good luck with it.

Just noticed you say he puts his arms up to be lifted from the cot. That’s a good sign.

Sorry, my second paragraph should say, nuances with the gait not with the fair.

@Neednewwellies To answer your questions, he doesn't bring me toys or put things on my lap. Usually if he's playing with something and I hold my hand out and say 'pass to mama' he will give it. He won't always want to let go though.

Yes he would look and smile if I did a funny dance. He wouldn't copy.

He will occasionally hold food out to share, we pretend to eat it and he giggles.

I can say where's monkey and he will look at the monkey on his wall, but he doesn't seem to do it for me or his dad yet.

I've tried banging two blocks together and he doesn't copy that. He will just put them in his mouth.

He can blow raspberries but doesn't copy us. Like his babbling only does it on his own accord.

He plays peekaboo behind the curtains and initiates that himself. I will try with a muslin tomorrow and see if he copies.

I'm unsure whether he plays normally or not, his idea of playing is just putting toys in his mouth, turning the pages on his books and endless furniture cruising. He's my first child but also the first baby I've ever been around. I have no idea what normal looks like!

You sound like a great mum and the things you're doing with your son, are excellent. As others have said, children develop at different rates.

In a previous job I was involved with diagnosing ASD, and we did not see children younger than 2. (The M-CHAT is a quick online ASD checklist for younger toddlers, and gives an idea, but it's for 16 months plus so not appropriate for a baby as young as yours, as he wouldn't be expected to have met the milestones it tests yet.)

Even when there are concerns a diagnosis is a process which takes time, taking into account different aspects of development and feedback from different settings such as nursery. Hearing would always be checked as some children with hearing difficulties (such as glue ear) can sometimes 'present' as though they have social communication difficulties. Children can also have difficulties in some areas without necessarily meeting the criteria for an autism diagnosis.

A good website with milestones and ideas for parents is I CAN's Talking Point site if you haven't already come across it, and the National Literacy Trust's Words for Life and Small Talk microsites are also good.

But actually I think you should just keep on doing what you're doing as it all sounds great.

Sorry - I see I cross posted with Neednewwellies who also mentioned Mchat etc - was typing away and missed it!

Ok if he’s passing you things and looking at monkey then it sounds like he has some understanding. Does he have blocks or stacking cups? Will he help you build a tower? Will he build a tower? This is common play for his age. The mouthing is a difficult one. If you google it will tell you it’s a red flag and it’s sensory seeking but it’s not that simple when they’re 11mths. He’s still exploring with his mouth and he could also be teething and the chewing helps distract or ease the ache. Lots of NT children also suck things like their thumb or dangly parts of their clothing so that doesn’t tell you much at 11mths. If you google baby playing peekaboo you’ll probably find a few clips. They start doing this anytime from 6-12mths. Very uncoordinated at first but just covering their eyes with the muslin or blanket.

Have you had his hearing checked recently. Whatever your or the HVs concerns are over his development, the GP will want to rule our hearing loss of any kind before looking at anything else so try and get that ASAP.

How does he react when you leave the room? Does he try to follow you? When you’ve been out or at work etc and walk into the room does he acknowledge this and get excited? Does he look to you for reassurance if a stranger walks into the room? Would he cry if a stranger picked him up?
It’s unfair that you’ve been left worrying about this but I’d use the time to try and observe and record if possible any instances of joint attention (showing, sharing, copying) You may find it happens more than you realise and be reassured but if not you’ll be starting to keep a log that will be extremely useful when you’re at the GP seeking a referral. A good toy to check understanding and joint attention is a Noah’s Arc. Two of each animal. You pick up the elephant and ask him where the other elephant is. If he doesn’t grasp it, pick up the second elephant and show him they’re the same then pick up another (preferably one that stands out) and do the 🤷‍♀️ Gesture whilst asking him to find the other one. If he manages to pick it up and show you, give him over the top praise and claps. If not, you pick it up and show it and still clap and whoop. Also get some stacking and knocking down going. You stack the blocks/cups and Knick down and giggle and whoop. Make it seem hilarious. Then stack again and he should knock your stack down. If not, you knock it down again and be all fun about it and then watch to see if he does it. If he doesn’t, gently guide his hand to knock them then lots of whooping and raspberries on his tummy. Then build again...

My son is autistic. He didn't walk till he was 21 months old. His language was delayed, didn't say a word to around 18 months and at 2 and a half years had about 50 words but couldn't form sentences or follow verbal instructions. He was referred to speech and language around his third birthday. I'm shocked that the health visitor would worry about a child not pointing etc at 11 months. It's way too early to reach any conclusion from that. I would think that it is within the normal range of development. In general they don't like diagnosing too early as children develop at different rates. My son was finally diagnosed a few months ago at the age of 8.