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AIBU?

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Original poster

For shouting at my DC’s last night?

67 replies

Makingamonkey93 · 30/05/2020 08:52

DSD (10) and DD (7) were put to bed at 9:30pm last night.

Youngest DD (1) had been put to bed at around 8:150pm.

I could hear the eldest two creating in their room, they’re asked every night to be quiet so as not to risk waking their sister. I went upstairs and asked them politely to be quiet. 15 minutes later youngest DD was crying because they were pratting around. Luckily DD was settled fairly easily and quickly.
I went into their room and told them quietly and calmly that if they didn’t calm down, there would be consequences for their behaviour. I went back downstairs and within 10 minutes there was a crash and a bang on the floor and DD was awake again. Easily settled again luckily. Told the eldest two that they’ve now got a tablet ban for a week. Went back downstairs only to hear them nattering on to themselves again. DD woke up yet AGAIN - she wouldn’t settle this time so I took her down to OH and I shouted like I’ve never shouted before at the eldest two.

Their attitudes absolutely stink at the moment and despite me trying my hardest to keep them occupied and doing things that they’re interested in, they still try to make life difficult. Idiot me had left the windows open and my neighbour up the road had heard me shouting at them. I’m mortified. She must think I’m a complete nutcase.

We have issues with DD’s naps and sleeping and I’m currently 15 weeks pregnant so am trying to get her into some sort of routine to make it easier on us all but they disrupt her naps, bedtime etc and I think they’re at an age where they should be able to understand that they shouldn’t be making stupid amounts of noise when their sister is asleep not far away. I went downstairs and cried to OH after I’d done it and now I’m convinced someone will call SS on us because I shouted at them. So fed up of their attitudes and behaviour at the moment and last night I just snapped 😫

OP posts:
Fred578 · 30/05/2020 08:57

Ah mate. I’ve been there Grin don’t beat yourself up, it’s hard being stuck together all the time and having to cope with crappy behaviour

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake · 30/05/2020 09:01

We've all been there. Could the 7 year old be put down in your bed and moved when she is asleep?

Hercwasonaroll · 30/05/2020 09:04

Oh gosh OP that sounds tough. I'd have done the same. You are right about them being old enough. My 3yo is generally quiet when the baby is asleep here (barring the occasional mega tantrum).

Do they need to share a room? Could you put them to bed in your room if not and then move one later in the evening?

It sounds like they need immediate and proportionate consequences. Sit down with your dh and agree what they will be and make sure you are both supporting each other.

MarkBrendanawicz · 30/05/2020 09:06

We have this exact problem with ours of similar ages chatting away way past bedtime. It drives us nuts.

The only thing that works is DH going to the bottom of the stairs and shouting (in his scary dad voice) that if he has to come up those stairs one more time they will be in big trouble (usually screen ban the next day like you).

But it doesn't always work and I feel your pain. Kids can be little shits sometimes.

helpwithpuppyplease · 30/05/2020 09:07

SS won't be interested in you shouting at your children when frankly sounded like they needed a good telling off.
Could the older children not have been occupied by your OH downstairs while you put the baby to bed though? They could have played a quiet board game or something if they're not allowed TV before bed, or if you don't mind tv then they could watch a film. Would just make your life easier going forward.

helpwithpuppyplease · 30/05/2020 09:09

*DSD (10) and DD (7) were put to bed at 9:30pm last night.

Youngest DD (1) had been put to bed at around 8:150pm.*

Sorry, misread the timings ignore my suggestion then.

User8008135 · 30/05/2020 09:11

No you are only human. Make it clear to them today how disappointed in them you are and how unhelpful their behaviour was. Make it clear it won't be tolerated tonight and big up how helpful they will be to to do x, y, z to make things easier right now.

You were very restrained being pregnant and juggling a young baby. Most people would have done the same, perhaps sooner.

User8008135 · 30/05/2020 09:12

And definitely what was your OH doing to help? Your OP reads they left it all to you

EatsShootsAndRuns · 30/05/2020 09:14

Could the older children not have been occupied by your OH downstairs while you put the baby to bed though?

It's in the OP. The baby was put to bed at 8:15 pm, older children went to bed at 9:30 pm. Ever consider reading what is literally right in front of you before jumping in to prove your lack of comprehension?

Theplotisgoneawayforever · 30/05/2020 09:15

I think try a natural consequences rather than a punishment. So if you're talking again I'll need to separate you, and then one is put into your bedroom until one or both are asleep. I think a week ban on the tablet is madness - surely it's just making life more difficult for yourself. As for the shouting I think reasonable given everything going on.

PsuedoSatisfactionBaby · 30/05/2020 09:16

I’d have probably burst sooner than you OP. Dont beat yourself up.

Hercwasonaroll · 30/05/2020 09:17

DSD (10) and DD (7) were put to bed at 9:30pm last night.

Youngest DD (1) had been put to bed at around 8:150pm.

Sorry, misread the timings ignore my suggestion then.

Ever consider reading what is literally right in front of you before jumping in to prove your lack of comprehension? @EatsShootsAndRuns

Original poster
Makingamonkey93 · 30/05/2020 09:27

Thank you all. I thought I was going to get blasted.

OH was asleep on the sofa after a 14 hour stint at work in this heat, we’re having an extension built - they’ll still have to share a room but they’ll be much further away from bub so won’t be an issue. Of course with covid, it’s ground to a bit of a halt for now.

You’re right about banning screen time making life more difficult for myself 😬 but I’ve said it now and will have to follow it through. They only really went on them for an hour every day though. We’re lucky enough to have a decent sized garden for them to play in in this weather so they’ve been outside a fair bit too.

OP posts:
kaleidoscopeantebellum · 30/05/2020 09:31

I would do staggered bedtimes. Youngest goes to bed first and then your stepdaughter a little later. Hopefully DD7 will be asleep by then.

MarkBrendanawicz · 30/05/2020 09:33

Youngest goes to bed first and then your stepdaughter a little later

We have really similar ages (8 & 10) and this would never work for us (they share a room too). The 8 year old would be really upset if he was sent to bed earlier than his brother. I imagine there would be lots of tantrums.

LouiseTrees · 30/05/2020 09:36

Sit them down the next time the baby naps and have a proper chat with them in the garden. Tell them they keep waking their sister up and if they continue to do this then both their sister and the new baby won’t sleep well and you’ll not be able to work out when to spend time with them and they’ll need to do housework like dusting etc because you’ll constantly be running about soothing two cranky babies. If the nattering is just speaking that then gets louder and louder suggest they write notes to each other on a pad of paper, they’ll soon get bored of this. Do it in a conversational rather than an adversarial tone though. Like “what was all the noise about last night, what were you talking about?” Like showing an interest in them and therefore they know they are loved but just not behaving right.

user1471462428 · 30/05/2020 09:37

I don’t think you have made your life difficult for yourself. My kids are always wired when they have screen time and better behaved when they don’t. How much exercise are they getting? I’m making my 7 year do a 3 mile bike ride and exercise video every day as she acts up if she’s not exercising properly!

Hercwasonaroll · 30/05/2020 09:39

Good idea re staggered bedtimes, would the threat of an earlier bed time on rotation help them be quiet? 9.30pm does seem late unless they are asleep til 8ish in the morning.

billy1966 · 30/05/2020 09:43

Ah OP, the worst bit about that story is the window being open.

A real rookie mistake...don't you know you ALWAYS close the all windows before you screech at the children 😂😂

foamrolling · 30/05/2020 09:44

I would divide and conquer like the previous poster said - put the 7yo to bed a bit earlier. There will be tantrums initially but they'll get used to it. I've had to do it myself with my youngest.

Dipi79 · 30/05/2020 09:46

I don't think losing your shit with them or punishments is helpful, but my parenting style is more PACE/Janet Lansbury-esque.

Neolara · 30/05/2020 09:48

Definitely put the 7 to to bed before the 10yo. Leave enough time for the 7 to to go to sleep eg 30 mins.

We had to do this with my 2 eldest at around the same stage. It solved the problem.

Piratesue · 30/05/2020 09:52

Dont beat yourself up. My neighbours have heard me totally lose it with my two many times over the past few months. They have a lovely little toddler (girl) and they must be horrified by that they hear from me and my two older boys...

Epigram · 30/05/2020 09:53

Ah OP we've all been there! The times I've been most angry with my DC aren't when they do something really bad but when they do the SAME annoying thing again and again despite being told off until I hit the roof!

sunflowersandtulips50 · 30/05/2020 09:56

Given the age gap does the youngest have a different father to the older two ? I ask as it may explain some of there behaviours

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