For shouting at my DC’s last night?

[Makingamonkey93]

DSD (10) and DD (7) were put to bed at 9:30pm last night.

Youngest DD (1) had been put to bed at around 8:150pm.

I could hear the eldest two creating in their room, they’re asked every night to be quiet so as not to risk waking their sister. I went upstairs and asked them politely to be quiet. 15 minutes later youngest DD was crying because they were pratting around. Luckily DD was settled fairly easily and quickly.
I went into their room and told them quietly and calmly that if they didn’t calm down, there would be consequences for their behaviour. I went back downstairs and within 10 minutes there was a crash and a bang on the floor and DD was awake again. Easily settled again luckily. Told the eldest two that they’ve now got a tablet ban for a week. Went back downstairs only to hear them nattering on to themselves again. DD woke up yet AGAIN - she wouldn’t settle this time so I took her down to OH and I shouted like I’ve never shouted before at the eldest two.

Their attitudes absolutely stink at the moment and despite me trying my hardest to keep them occupied and doing things that they’re interested in, they still try to make life difficult. Idiot me had left the windows open and my neighbour up the road had heard me shouting at them. I’m mortified. She must think I’m a complete nutcase.

We have issues with DD’s naps and sleeping and I’m currently 15 weeks pregnant so am trying to get her into some sort of routine to make it easier on us all but they disrupt her naps, bedtime etc and I think they’re at an age where they should be able to understand that they shouldn’t be making stupid amounts of noise when their sister is asleep not far away. I went downstairs and cried to OH after I’d done it and now I’m convinced someone will call SS on us because I shouted at them. So fed up of their attitudes and behaviour at the moment and last night I just snapped 😫

We've all been there. Just a thought - children are a mega-pain to get to sleep when they're not tired. At this weird time, many kids are able to sleep in late in the mornings. Might it help if you got them up every morning at eg 8am school or no school? Or earlier if appropriate. It's painful at first, but it can really help get them into a good routine at night. You may already be doing this, so apologies if I'm stating the obvious.

The thing is that they’re up early too. They come into our bedroom anywhere from 5:30-7. They have a clock and have been told 7:30 is the very earliest they can come in.

They have pencils, colouring books and toys that they can play with etc to occupy themselves. I need some bloody sleep 😫

They sound tired and wired from lack of sleep. Earlier regular bed times mean they sleep deeper and longer. I did it with my kids after reading a book calleD 'happy sleep habits,happy child'

The eldest then stomped upstairs to tell us that there was a spider in the kitchen which we already knew as she’s told us several times this morning already. I would send her to her room every time she wakes her sister up. She know exactly what she is doing, and at 10 knows better. I would come down on her like ton of bricks, telling her that it no longer funny that she is deliberately waking up her sister with behaviour that she has already been told is not acceptable and until she can behave better then she will be disciplined and put in timeout until she learns behave.

If someone posted that a man shouted occasionally i wouldn't say they were abusive if that was all they did no. Same for a teacher. If they did it frequently it might be different.

We tried the staggered bedtimes again last night. Got middle DD showered and to bed without too much fuss. She was in bed for around 8:30. Got eldest showered and middle DD decided she needed a wee so got out of bed and stood on eldest DD’s pyjama top which prompted a sobbing fit for half an hour which woke the baby up. This was around 8:50-9:00. Baby then didn’t go back down to sleep until gone midnight and woke several times through the night since that point.

Eldest was awake at 6am this morning and woke the whole house up 😬😬😬😬

Oh OP ☕️ for you

Honestly now windows are open I'm always hearing shouting and tantrums from various houses. I'm sure people hear me. This is a high stress situation for families with children and no sensible person would judge you

Will be honest, my dp was shouting at ds4 for pratting around during bathtime, was in garden so could hear myself. My neighbours in next garden said see its not just our kids 😂

Oh OP!

Your eldest sounds like she needs some proper consequences. At 10 she's old enough not to meltdown for standing on a top and she should be able to get downstairs and pop the TV on at 6am. (obviously unless she has additional needs).

I'd be sitting her down for an adult conversation about bedtime and sleep. Clearly lay out your expectations and consequences. Eg evening meltdown means she goes to bed before 7yo and morning wake ups of the whole house means no screens (or whatever your equivalent is).

I've just read your other posts, it really sounds like none of you are getting enough sleep which is impacting on the daytime behaviour. Look up NHS sleep guidelines and 7yo needs 10.5 hours and 10yo needs 9h 45mins.

Waking the baby needs to be your line in the sand and have serious consequences every single time. They are old enough to not wake her.

I always feel relieved when I hear other parents shouting at their children, makes me feel more normal. I think you'll have to be extra strict with consequences. Don't make a threat that will make life harder for you though
I know it's tough being pregnant and you probably feel exhausted but you need to get them exercising more. There are kids workouts on line and you can go on long walks, perhaps your baby will sleep in the pushchair.
Also there's a massive difference between bedtime at your house and at SD mum's house. I think you need to keep to her routine or her sleep will be all over the place.
Don't worry about shouting though. Any neighbour with children will understand and SS won't be interested.

YANBU

It’s really difficult though as DSD isn’t with us full time.

She’s an only child at her mums house and is allowed later bedtimes etc but it’s really starting to impact us here. She just doesn’t care about consequences as she knows that when she goes back to her mums they don’t count there!

She has no additional needs but isn’t particularly independent which I’m trying to work on with her. She can just about shower herself now which she couldn’t do 3 weeks ago.

@Rosebel I genuinely think we do enough exercise. We live in a very hilly area and will be walking 3 miles a day on walks alone, at least half of that is steep, up hill walking and sometimes they’ll take it in turns to push the pushchair. They also play most of the day outside. If we go to the river (which is most days atm) they will swim etc. With homeschooling, housework etc I can’t really fit any more in.

Ahhh I'd missed she was a DSD (not sure how, sorry OP). That really does make consequences harder but you can make them more immediate. Tailor them to your situation and forget what happens at her mum's. That's outside your control so let it go. Deal with what you can in your house. Well done on getting her to shower. She sounds quite immature and it's probably difficult for her to cope with two places with different rules. That doesn't mean that you stop having rules though. As she gets older she will probably appreciate boundaries more than total freedom.

Does she like a certain breakfast? Could you have a rule she gets to choose breakfast if she is quiet? Get a system that impacts her for the time she's at yours.

I don’t shout often. I’ve never, ever shouted at them like that before. It was the volume more than anything. There was no swearing or threats of ‘killing’ them.

I remember years ago someone very preachily announced (on a parenting forum) "I never realised how patient I could be until I had children."

I replied with "I never realised quite how loud I could shout until I had children."

If I remember rightly, it was when my third was right around 1 year old....