For shouting at my DC’s last night?

[Makingamonkey93]

DSD (10) and DD (7) were put to bed at 9:30pm last night.

Youngest DD (1) had been put to bed at around 8:150pm.

I could hear the eldest two creating in their room, they’re asked every night to be quiet so as not to risk waking their sister. I went upstairs and asked them politely to be quiet. 15 minutes later youngest DD was crying because they were pratting around. Luckily DD was settled fairly easily and quickly.
I went into their room and told them quietly and calmly that if they didn’t calm down, there would be consequences for their behaviour. I went back downstairs and within 10 minutes there was a crash and a bang on the floor and DD was awake again. Easily settled again luckily. Told the eldest two that they’ve now got a tablet ban for a week. Went back downstairs only to hear them nattering on to themselves again. DD woke up yet AGAIN - she wouldn’t settle this time so I took her down to OH and I shouted like I’ve never shouted before at the eldest two.

Their attitudes absolutely stink at the moment and despite me trying my hardest to keep them occupied and doing things that they’re interested in, they still try to make life difficult. Idiot me had left the windows open and my neighbour up the road had heard me shouting at them. I’m mortified. She must think I’m a complete nutcase.

We have issues with DD’s naps and sleeping and I’m currently 15 weeks pregnant so am trying to get her into some sort of routine to make it easier on us all but they disrupt her naps, bedtime etc and I think they’re at an age where they should be able to understand that they shouldn’t be making stupid amounts of noise when their sister is asleep not far away. I went downstairs and cried to OH after I’d done it and now I’m convinced someone will call SS on us because I shouted at them. So fed up of their attitudes and behaviour at the moment and last night I just snapped 😫

I've had this - it's frustrating and I have shouted too - not my best moment. But....I know why - in school they get mentally stimulated and exercised to the point where they are really tired out. At home (in our case anyway) I can't seem to manage both. So either he is shattered physically and then talks constantly with wide eyes, or is shattered mentally and runs around like a loon. I can't seem to get the balance. But definitely, definitely I recommend more exercise. Walks, bike rides, trampolining challenges (do 200 sit to stand jumps for instance). I also get him to lead a Joe wicks style routine, so he decides the exercise and I do it with them (get the kids to do it to each other if you can't!). Anything. Good luck. I also now say as we go to bed, if you get up once there will be no tv/screen tomorrow. I couldn't make him last a week, but yesterday he had no screen/tv. He didn't get up last night....x

They’re getting plenty of exercise, they’re in the garden running around and we go for walks everyday so i don’t think that’s the issue, I agree 9:30 is late - they usually go to bed earlier than this. Around 8:45 usually or 9 at the latest (we were late getting showers late night etc)

They’ve all got the same dad. We had a hard time having DD3 with MC’s in between which explains the big age difference.

You could use the tablet ban to your advantage here... you could leave it a day or two and then say if they go to bed and behave then they can have an hour the following day?

I think shouting is understandable as long as it doesn't become a habit. My mother used to not only shout but also beat the crap out of us and call us all kind of names under the sun. So as long as you're not doing that I think you're fine.

I used to spend half my life avoiding the eye contact of my neighbour .It’s much better now we live next to an elderly deaf man and I can yell to my hearts content (lighthearted... kind of)

Oh OP don't beat yourself up .

We all shout at our children at times and they had been given 2 strikes so to speak and the 3rd brought the shouting . Its fair enough OP.

It's easily solved by splitting the bedtimes surely? 7yr old to bed at 8ish, 10 yr old an hour later.

Shouting, whilst not ideal, isn't the end of the world and won't do lasting damage

Yikes what night you’ve had! I’d shout at mine fir the same thing! Don’t beat yourself up! Fingers crossed you have a better evening!

Mine are six and nine and are still unable to communicate with eachother that doesn't end up with them getting very loud.
They do get told off. It solves the problem for a short while but it never lasts.
I had a neighbor shout at us for telling ds2 off once. Ds2 had been getting sillier and sillier and despite warnings had almost given himself a serious injury due to his behaviour. Neighbor got told to mind his own business.

But if they are used to playing sport/pe 3x times a week plus swimming lessons (which is what we are missing) running around in the garden and our dog walks aren't enough.

You weren't unreasonable at all. They were being awfully selfish. A screen ban will be good for them, they'll have to be more active and will sleep better . I'm in bed quietly by 9.30 so I'm sue your kids can manage that!

They'll survive, nothing wrong with getting shouted at every now and again, not like you hit them with a frying pan.

Sounds like my house. Lots of noise, young one being kept up. The older DC find it difficult with a new baby as there mum is now too busy for them. I had an age gap and even though my DS was 8 he found it difficult. So they do odd things to draw attention to themselves. Perhaps you can leave baby with there dad and take them out on our own. Not saying that is the issue but if you have all been cooped up inside for months in lockdown your time will have been spent mainly with your baby. Is your DH an active parent?

Same situation in my house op. Dont beat yourself up about it.

Occasional shouting is ok if they aren't listening. My dds share a room and i staggered bedtimes when they were younger. They are teenagers now. I've got a good relationship with them and they are nice kids, despite me occasionally resorting to shouting when they were younger!

Splitting the bedtimes of the eldest two doesn’t work. We’ve tried. It increases the risk of the youngest waking up as its noise x2 at two different times of night and youngest DD will stay awake until eldest DD is upstairs.

I’m really struggling at the moment. Youngest’s naps are all messed up. She’s probably getting less than an hour a day because she’s constantly disrupted by them. She then falls asleep around 5:30. We wake her up and keep her amused until bedtime where she will go down for a couple of hours and then be wide awake until some stupid time. Our eldest has actually just woken our youngest up 😫 I’d just put her down for a nap then nipped to the loo, OH then came in to wash his hands. The eldest then stomped upstairs to tell us that there was a spider in the kitchen which we already knew as she’s told us several times this morning already. Managed to wake her sister up in the process. I’m writing this with youngest asleep on me. Everytime I try to put her down she cries 😬

It honestly wouldn’t matter so much but the lack of sleep is really affecting me now.

Is there anything worse than them fucking about at bedtime?? YANBU, they are.

Is...is this the first time you’ve shouted at your kids in lockdown??

I couldn't cope if my kids went to bed so late. I need grownup time

I couldn't cope if my kids went to bed so late. I need grownup time

Same. I see all these families going for lovely walks after tea and it gives me the guilt because by half seven I’m like “ok I’m done now, you need to go to bed now 🙃”

Shouting at kids is horrible. It doesn't make anyone feel better. but, we are all human.
The only thing I object to on here is that if a mother loses it, the responses are generally supportive even the the thread about the mother threatening to 'fucking kill' her kids. On the other hand if a man does it, there are immediate cries of emotional abuse.
I wish there was a more supportive vibe to all parents.
Remember, the most effective teachers are not the ones who shout but the ones who are able to command respect and are listened to even if they whisper.

Is DH home today or at work later?

If he's at home can he take them ALL out for a bike/scooter ride with the toddler in a buggy? For a longtime?!

Just so you can rest, even if you can't sleep Without someone disturbing you or just generally being annoying?!

I know you've tried it before, but I'd try split bedtimes again. Both are old enough to be quiet getting ready for bed brushing teeth etc. Youngest first and she gets told that eldest will be staying up with you until she is asleep, so the sooner she's asleep, the soonest the eldest will come up. The eldest is plenty older enough to be in big trouble if she wakes the others going to bed. It can work. Give it another go.

Do you rush in to sort the youngest out if she's woken up? You really need to leave her to settle herself again or you'll be screwed when the (noisy) baby arrives.

Could one of the older two have the youngest in with them And the other in the baby's room?

You need to sort this for your benefit, but the neighbours will only judge if they've never been responsible for children and SS will not be in the slightest bit interested.

DH might be tired after working, but you've had the kids all day & are incubating another - you're tired too! He needs to pull his parenting weight too! Plus Daddy threatening trouble is often taken more seriously If he's not at home as much!!

OP, you have my sympathy, there are few things harder than a tired grumpy baby to deal with. Im not surprised you yelled, I would have too.

Your kids are old enough though to understand that they need to be respectful of the others in the house. I dont have a solution, theres a temptation to say for every time they wake baby, you do the same to them at 3am, but that's petty and unkind and cruel, and will also leave you with miserable tired kids, which is the last thing you want. The only other thing I can think of is loss of privilege. You've removed screens already, what else do they have/do which they will seriously miss?

This is probably going to sound insensitive but really I don’t understand these threads. Your DC misbehaved so after repeated talks you shouted. And? I think most of us have raised their voices when their children misbehave especially at bed time.

I don’t shout often. I’ve never, ever shouted at them like that before. It was the volume more than anything. There was no swearing or threats of ‘killing’ them.

The youngest will go to sleep earlier if her big sister is with her, I know that DSD’s usual bedtime at her mum’s house is usually closer to 10pm 😬 she was with her mum for 6 weeks straight over lockdown as OH has underlying health conditions so we’ve tried to gradually make the bedtime earlier. But it’s really difficult. If she’s awake she has to talk to DD and then they get silly and start messing around. Will try the split bedtimes again for the eldest two. I know you eat has to learn to settle herself eventually but she generally needs a helping hand to do this and I hate the thought of leaving her to cry. OH works everyday. He has his own business, literally comes in for breakfast, lunch and dinner then he’s straight back out. In quieter times he’s sometimes back in for bedtime and he will put them to bed with me or settle the little one if she wakes when I’m putting the others to bed but he’s flat out at the moment.

We've all been there so don't bear yourself up. You lost your temper and shouted, it's not the worse thing ever and it sounds like you were really stressed and tired and fed up.

I would definitely try again to split the bedtimes though. Your eldest may take the responsibility of not waking the younger ones more seriously if she is going to bed later than both her siblings.

I remember feeling resentful that everything centred on the baby's sleep when I was a child. And I definitely don't think either of your elder DC should have the one year old in with them, they'd be under constant pressure not to wake her and that leads to real resentment.

I would also want to focus on the one year old not being so easily woken up so that there was less pressure on everyone else not to disrupt her, but some people are just very light sleepers I suppose!

Main thing for me though- your response is totally understandable and you are not a terrible parent.