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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be offended by this comment from boss

23 replies

TooOwls · 30/05/2020 07:56

She’s a senior manager in our company. I was sat down wearing a dress which had ridden up a little bit, around mid thigh”

“Oh TooOwls, it’s nice to see skinny women can get cellulite too”

I just sat there like WTF. This was a week ago. Would I BU to go back and say actually you made a comment last week that I think was rude and I’d like an apology?!

OP posts:

SallyWD · 30/05/2020 07:58

That is a bit rude! I'd never make a comment like that. Sounds like a bitchy, jealous comment. I'm not sure I'd ask for an apology but I'm far too meek.

Dollywilde · 30/05/2020 07:59

It’s never appropriate for colleagues to comment on each other’s bodies, ever. I don’t think you’d BU at all to say you felt the comment wasn’t ok - good for you for being confident enough to raise it.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 30/05/2020 08:01

I wouldn't go back to it now but I'd keep it on the mental list and if she dared say anything similar again I'd raise both times in one go immediately.

LesleysChestnutBob · 30/05/2020 08:07

Well it's probably a bit late to say anything now, the time would have been after the meeting to pull her to one side. If she makes similar comments regularly then pull her up on it straight away

Nottherealslimshady · 30/05/2020 08:10

It would be dead weird to bring it up. It was a bit unthinking but not terribly. She probably realised from your reaction that you didn't like it.

ZaraW · 30/05/2020 08:11

I agree you needed to say something at the time.

300XLTriColour · 30/05/2020 08:12

How come she was close enough to you to notice your thighs? I’d tell her to back off to 2 metres.

Sameold2020 · 30/05/2020 08:12

I'd go to HR with this. I'm too old to accept people thinking it's ok to talk to me like this.

zscaler · 30/05/2020 08:13

It’s always rude to comment on someone’s body - YANBU!

Epigram · 30/05/2020 08:15

It was rude. I wouldn't go back a week later and ask for an apology, but YANBU if she says anything like that again.

Carrie7469 · 30/05/2020 08:16

I wouldn't demand or ask for an apology, but say that the comment upset you. She'll probably apologise at that point anyway.

Tanfastic · 30/05/2020 08:17

Jealous.

I used to have a colleague like this. I actually fell out with her in the end and lost my shit one day as the subtle digs were becoming more and more and I'd keep just trying to ignore them. W ended up having a massive row which was really unprofessional. It's awkward as it's your boss but I'd think of a very good comeback next time so she gets the message it's not acceptable.

Maybe the classic Mumsnet line ....did you mean to sound so rude?

Fairyliz · 30/05/2020 08:48

Probably a bit too late now but bear it in mind in the future and practice a few comebacks.

SoloMummy · 30/05/2020 09:05

@Sameold2020

I'd go to HR with this. I'm too old to accept people thinking it's ok to talk to me like this.

And what are they going to do with one throwaway comment? (unless was a part of sustained "bullying").

Op obviously had quite a short dress on that I wouldn't say sounds professional to start with if colleagues can see that far up to make such an obtuse comment. But maybe that was her way of approaching the inappropriateness of the dress? I bet the op hasn't work it to work since!

Flixsfoilball · 30/05/2020 09:25

I'd go to HR with this. I'm too old to accept people thinking it's ok to talk to me like this.

In which case you are old enough to have an adult conversation with your manager about how the comment made you feel, rather than running off to tell tales to HR.

ZaraW · 30/05/2020 09:35

What is it with people who want to report colleagues to HR and Management. It's not going to make you popular. We are adults we can sort our own issues out.

Sameold2020 · 30/05/2020 09:35

I am HR. It's not telling tales. Ok, so I might start with my line manager, but I wouldn't let it go. These things can build up.

Flixsfoilball · 30/05/2020 09:42

I'm HR too, and my first question would be 'have you had that conversation with the individual involved' if the answer is no, I would tell them they need to go and do that and explore if there is a reason they haven't.

If no attempt has been made to sort this out adult to adult, and there is no underlying reason why - then I'm sorry but it is just telling tales, and that just looks a bit crap on the part of the person telling them

catchyjem · 30/05/2020 09:52

Am I the only one that has interpreted her comment as a PA dig at the shortness of your dress? Still a nasty comment though but a bit late to say anything now I think. Be ready with a retort if she does it again.

DDiva · 30/05/2020 09:56

It was rude. It sounds like your dress was noticably short. Probably not worth raking over it a week later.

Original poster

TooOwls · 30/05/2020 10:56

Lolz, dress in no way too short, comes to just above my knees when standing and maybe mid thigh when sitting. And yes I’ve worn it since, I wouldn’t change my clothes because of a bitchy comment

OP posts:

Happymum12345 · 30/05/2020 11:22

If a male boss had said this, I’m sure there would be different responses. It’s completely inappropriate. I would leave it for now, make a note of it & if she says anything again, I’d have a conversation straight away.

ragged · 30/05/2020 11:41

I guess it depends on your relationship.
I would come back with "We're all human!"
But then I don't care if I have cellulite or not. She might as well have commented I had knees or ankles.

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