Bf meeting his friends gf alone

[user1490910199]

Ok so we are both 32, we have a child each, we are sensible responsible adults. Were serious and are talking about moving in.

This is the thing, he has a friend who he knew before she met her now bf, he is friends with him now too. Tonight he is going to meet just her, the bf is out somewhere.

They've never dated etc, i do trust him so its not that i think anything's going to happen its more just, isnt that weird?! Like i cant imagine on a fri night just going an meeting a friends bf, even if i did know him first. I dont know, am i being unnecessarily jealous?xx

Dh has only male friends he would socialise with.

Perhaps because he knows his wife would 'bow out' of the marriage if he dared to have a friend with a vagina?

@chubbyhotchoc can I ask how old you both are?

So he was allowed to be friends with her, and presumably socialise with her, when she was single, but now she has a bf that he gets on with he's not allowed socialise alone with her?

That's ridiculous.

You are being unreasonable here. You have no right to tell him to abandon a friendship for no reason at all.
If my partner tried to control who I was friends with, I would end my relationship.
Have you never had a platonic male friend OP? It’s perfectly possible!

I think whats weird is you cannot imagine having a friend who is the opposite gender to you...

"i cant imagine on a fri night just going an meeting a friends bf, even if i did know him first"

Which suggests you have never had a friend of the opposite gender, because they'd then be.. 'your friend' and not magically become 'a friends bf' on meeting someone else (and if they were not your friend, why would you befriend their new partner?)

So whats weird is your narrow minded view on friendships, not the act of meeting a friend who happens to a/be the opposite gender and b/ have a partner you have become friends with.

She is his friend, strange world people live in to not allow their partner friends of the opposite sex.......coz tht is soooooo healthy and normal.

You cant tell a person who has had a friend for a while that you no longer want them to be friends just because they are opposite sexes. Thats ridiculous

Dh has only male friends he would socialise with. I have only female friends I would socialise with. Otherwise we'd socialise as a couple with other couples. So yes id be highly suspicious if he suddenly wanted to spend time with a woman from work or whatever.

In fairness I think OP is from the UK, so probably quite a culture gap with Saudi Arabia.

I can’t believe this is a real post.

You sound about 15.

I have male friends who I have known long before they were married. One often gets the train to visit me and we go to gigs together and go for meals. My partner usually stays at home and says he hopes I have a nice evening because he’s not bothered about coming. His wife is perfectly nice and says the same to him. We sometimes even travel to London together to go to gigs. It’s just a normal friendship. I have another friend who is married with kids that I go running with on weekends. Never met his wife but she did give me a nice cheery wave and said hello in the background of a Zoom call the other day.
My partner is best mates with his ex girlfriend. He hangs out with her and I’ve got no problem with that because we are adults and I trust him. These are all just normal adult interactions and friendships. You really need to grow up.

So yes id be highly suspicious if he suddenly wanted to spend time with a woman from work or whatever.

The friend was there BEFORE OP though.

My friends and I enjoy going to an event, there are 3 guys and me. One is married, one lives with his GF and one is single. Their partners have no interest so don't go with us. We stay at a hotel overnight (separate rooms) and have a great time. There has never been and will never be anything between any of us, and we've known each other for between 10-20 years.

I'm guessing you've been cheating on in the past so feel insecure that he has female friends. YABU.

Cheated even 🙈

What is funny is that on any topic where OP is not comfortable with her partner's behaviour, posters would be saying that she needs to respect her boundaries whatever they are. If something doesn't sit comfortably with her she perfectly entitled not to accept it.

And yet, when the issue is female friends that go on 1-on-1 meetings with her partner, she is called all sorts of insults if she dares question that!

She is allowed not to be ok with it without being labelled insecure, difficult, controlling, from Saudi Arabia (wtf) and from the 1950s. Posters that suport her are called the same. What happened with respecting each other's opinions?

It’s not his friend’s girlfriend he is meeting - it’s his friend. He knew her first. There’s nothing weird about it.

I wouldn't date someone who held another woman in such high regard.

Different strokes for different folks, but the fact that my husband respects women and sees them as fully formed and interesting individuals with whom he wants to be friends despite not having any sexual or romantic interest in them is one of the reasons I like him. Can’t imagine how anyone could be attracted to a man who didn’t hold women in high regard, but there you go.

@MandalaYogaTapestry I think it was mainly me they were directing that tirade against. I'm not from Saudi and I'm in my thirties.
I agree. When you are dating, as the op is, everybody is entitled to their deal breakers and boundaries whatever they are. If you're not comfortable dating a man with close female friends, don't date him. It's not about control, it's about doing what's right for you. You're not controlling him if you're not with him 🤷‍♀️

@zscaler taking my comment out of the context it was given very conveniently there

zscaler you mean that men that have sexual feelings for women or men that don't have female friends do not hold women in high regard?

@chubbyhotchoc of course op has the right to dump her bf, and you to dump your husband for any reason you want. But it's a bit like saying "my DH likes weetabix and I think they're gross so I'm divorcing him". Of course it's your right to do so, but it's very hard for most people to see the logic of something that doesn't seem to make sense.

Divorcing your husband because he made a friend who's female seems similarly irrational unless you know he has a history of infidelity, or you do and so are protecting.

My best friend is a man and there is absolutely 0 romantic interest there- he's like my brother. I'd be heartbroken if my husband didn't want me to meet up with him anymore.

As I said before, my closest friend is a single heterosexual male. He was my closest friend when my husband was alive, and he remains my closest friend (and only that), despite me having been 'available' since my husband's death seven years ago.

I find it odd that there are people here who can't understand that it's possible to be friends with someone of the opposite sex without there being a sexual or romantic element.