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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Bf meeting his friends gf alone

96 replies

user1490910199 · 29/05/2020 18:48

Ok so we are both 32, we have a child each, we are sensible responsible adults. Were serious and are talking about moving in.

This is the thing, he has a friend who he knew before she met her now bf, he is friends with him now too. Tonight he is going to meet just her, the bf is out somewhere.

They've never dated etc, i do trust him so its not that i think anything's going to happen its more just, isnt that weird?! Like i cant imagine on a fri night just going an meeting a friends bf, even if i did know him first. I dont know, am i being unnecessarily jealous?xx

OP posts:

donquixotedelamancha · 29/05/2020 21:13

Imagine a man saying his GF must give up all long term male friends unless accompanied by a chaperone.

There are plenty on MN who seem to support this type of batshittery but I think it's coercive control whichever way round the sexes are.

FrangipaniBlue · 29/05/2020 21:16

Friday nights and Saturday nights are date nights these are times you spend With your boyfriend or girlfriend if you have one.

Did I fall asleep and wake up in 1952?

MsMeNz · 29/05/2020 21:25

My bestie is a straight male and I've been married for 14 years my husband knew about him and accepted it. We are like siblings really nothing between us. we used to flat together and work in some industry etc. Men and woman can absolutely just be friends I wouldn't be worried. Of course doesn't mean to say nothing can happen and ppl don't cheat but I'd not think.it weird Especially if they were friends before you two met.

Crinkle77 · 29/05/2020 22:06

YABU. They were friends first. You just sound jealous.

choli · 30/05/2020 01:53

@Crinkle77

YABU. They were friends first. You just sound jealous.

Or extremely insecure.

SunnyThatsMyName · 30/05/2020 02:16

I understand your insecurity OP.
Ignore these 'your insecure' etc. posts.
A lot of people would feel uncomfortable in that situation.
There seems to be a 'cool girlfriend' vibe going on with this thread.
Speak to him about it and how it makes you feel. Obvioisly you cant stop him seeing her but it's so important to communicate in a relationship.

And yes I would hate it if my boyfriend was meeting up with a female alone at night in the midst of coronavirus restrictions

PineconeOfDoom · 30/05/2020 02:25

Get a grip. She’s his friend, not his friend’s girlfriend.

There’s a whole spectrum of views about people having friends of the opposite sex. Where you personally stand on that isn’t really the issue, it’s whether you and DP’s views match. In your case they clearly don’t, so you might be best to save everyone a whole heap of drama and just get out now.

Ursula2001 · 30/05/2020 04:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Beautiful3 · 30/05/2020 05:53

It's his friend. If he was interested in her then they would have dated before he met you. But they chose not to.

Aprilbaby2020 · 30/05/2020 05:55

You’re building this up way more than it is by using the narrative that it’s ‘his friends GF’. It’s not. It’s his friend who happens to now have a boyfriend that he’s also became friends with. Males and females can be friends without anything else but that relationship can be difficult to understand if you’ve never been close to a man in a friendship sense. I think you should trust him and not worry about a thing until he gives you a reason no to, else what’s the point?

YeahWhatevver · 30/05/2020 08:01

Was he friends with her before he knew you OP?

KelpHelper · 30/05/2020 08:19

Why do you keep calling her his friend’s girlfriend when from what you say she was friends with your boyfriend first, and in fact your boyfriend only knows her boyfriend because she introduced them? Do you think men and women can only be friends when it’s mediated via a relationship?

MerryDeath · 30/05/2020 08:29

sounds fine to me, unless there is a drip coming.

MandalaYogaTapestry · 30/05/2020 08:37

With such threads, people seem to pull the old argument that "if they wanted to be together they would have been by now so if they are not, there is nothing to worry about". But that's not actually true, is it? Nobody knows what happened in the past. Maybe he did want to date her her but she didn't reciprocate so he agreed to be friendzoned. Or maybe it was the other way round. And maybe now she sees him differently. You really can never know what has been going on between two people. It bolts to what you personally are comfortable with in relationships.

Funny enough, with some men from my past I would have absolutely no problem with them having female friends. Whereas with others it would bother me a lot even if there was nothing untoward going on in what I could see. Some men make you feel treasured, others make you feel worried. Nothing to do with perceived "insecurity".

Notverybright · 30/05/2020 08:48

She was his friend 1st I agree with pps.
However, it's ok to have irrational jealous feelings about that. Right now especially it's easy to let little things bother you more than they normally would.

It's fine, I wouldn't mention your feelings to your dp. Unless there are other reasons why this friend makes you feel insecure?

Washyourhandsyoufilthyanimal · 30/05/2020 08:54

She’s the friend as she knew your bf before she met her bc. It’s just two friends meeting. You’re sexist and controlling.

Morgan12 · 30/05/2020 08:56

My best friend is a man. We were friends before he met his now gf and we still meet alone because we are friends.

Tbh mostly we now meet as couples because I absolutely adore his gf.

If she had had a problem with me at the start I know his relationship wouldn't have survived. Thankfully she is an adult.

CalmdownJanet · 30/05/2020 08:56

The title of your thread is misleading. I think if you had said "Dp is meeting up with a female friend he has had years, she has a boyfriend and they are friends now too but be he has other plans so dp and his friend are going to do something alone, is that ok" you would get different answers.

heartsonacake · 30/05/2020 08:57

YABVU. They’re friends; he’s allowed to have female friends.

This sort of behaviour from you will do nothing but push your boyfriend away.

MinnieMountain · 30/05/2020 09:02

There's no "cool girlfriend" vibe on this thread. Cool girlfriend would be saying it's ok for the BF to go on holiday with his friend rather than go on holiday with OP.

It's perfectly normal to have friends of the opposite sex OP.

slashlover · 30/05/2020 09:05

Posters here are just leading the op into heartbreak. Friday nights and Saturday nights are date nights these are times you spend With your boyfriend or girlfriend if you have one.

Do you never have a night out with your friends? Ever? That's so sad.

TitianaTitsling · 30/05/2020 09:11

"Posters here are just leading the op into heartbreak. Friday nights and Saturday nights are date nights these are times you spend With your boyfriend or girlfriend if you have one." Are there more of what l am assured are these 'roolz' as l don't know them

HorseChestnutTree · 30/05/2020 09:19

Have you seen him during lockdown? Is he prioritising seeing this friend over you now things are easing? If so, I think that is a problem, I would be hurt by that.

saraclara · 30/05/2020 09:21

She's his friend. Or do you think she became her boyfriend's property when they started going out, so that's relegated her to "his friend's girlfriend"?

My best friend of more than a decade is male. He remains my friend whatever other relationship he has.

saraclara · 30/05/2020 09:23

Posters here are just leading the op into heartbreak. Friday nights and Saturday nights are date nights these are times you spend With your boyfriend or girlfriend if you have one.

That's nuts. Someone should tell that to all the groups of friends that go to pubs, bars or clubs on a Friday or Saturday night.

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