To think that the phrase "you're quiet" can be used to grind people down?

[Selsey113]

I'm talking about a work situation - I've had 3 separate work situations where I think the person I'm sitting near is an immature/PITA and I really don't want to make conversation with them. I then try and withdraw tactfully and carry on working when the response from them is "you're quiet" "you look sad, you're usually so bubbly" and they don't seem to just let you be. It's almost as though you want to withdraw from them and they can't accept it. Anyone else think along similar lines?

Just to say it's almost as if they're trying to grind you down to get you back in conversation/or dominate you.

a raised eyebrow and a sigh , carry on working...

What makes you think they are being passive aggressive?

It sounds from your OP that you make it clear that you don't like them. Just tell them politely you are too busy to chat.

What makes you think they are being passive aggressive?

They're the goady types

You're sounding a little paranoid. They probably don't realise you don't like them and it's simply a conversation starter or checking that you're ok if you're usually chatty and suddenly aren't. I don't think it's am attempt to grind you down.

Yeah, it's usually someones way of saying you're not yourself.

Whats going on??

I agree with you Ginfordinner that telling them politely you're too busy etc is a good way of responding. However, I find even if you say that they don't accept it at face value they think there's another reason you're distancing yourself.

I used to get told I was quiet like it was an insult. I remember my mum telling me I came accross as rude once. The truth is, I'm quiet. I never really know what to say or how to make it sound right, I'd rather just sit and listen and be in my head. I cant stand being around people who love the sound of their voice either. It's too much!

Whats going on?? Well nothing currently, it's just a situation I've thought about on and off for a bit.
I can remember working for example with a nosey busybody woman I'd told her a million times I was fine and she just wouldn't let things drop. On a previous Friday work do, she also had great delight in telling me the man I had a crush on was snogging someone else and it's almost she was waiting for my feedback on that.

It'a annoying. People shouldn't criticise you for your natural disposition IndiaMay

I remember my mum telling me I came accross as rude once.

Sometimes quiet people come across as aloof. DH is quiet with people he doesn't know very well, and a lot of people think he doesn't like them because he is so aloof.

Yes it's ok to say to someone you're quiet but if i told someone they were loud it would be considered rude.

You've called them an immature pita, possibly you grind them down too? Just dint engage.

Yes it's ok to say to someone you're quiet but if i told someone they were loud it would be considered rude

Yup! It’s like how people often tell me I’m tall (5’10”) as if I’m not aware of it and yet if I said to someone wow you’re really short! It would be considered rude. Why the double standard?!

The same if you are slim. People used to keep saying to me "aren't you skinny". One day I was so annoyed I just replied "and aren't you fat!"

That shut her up. She wasn't obese, just plump.

I was 15 at the time BTW. I wouldn't say that now.

The same if you are slim. People used to keep saying to me "aren't you skinny". One day I was so annoyed I just replied "and aren't you fat!

Yes! Commenting on anyone’s body is noted only rude but that woman deserved it- don’t dish it out if you can’t take it back!

incredibly rude

If I am quiet at work there is normally somehting wrong. But it depends on the person.

When you are a genuinely quiet person there’s nothing worse than being told “you’re quiet”. Why do they feel the need to tell you, like you don’t know it yourself.

You say you are purposely not talking to them because they annoy you, rather than you are just naturally quiet. So they probably pick up on that and react by trying harder to get you to chat and therefore prove you do like them.

That's interesting YangShanPo. Thing is I think no 1 person is completely quiet or loud, I think people are quiet or loud as fits the situation iyswim. But yes, from your description I'm ashamed to admit that sometimes I've tried harder to chat to prove people like me but experience has taught me that people like me more when I obey social cues!