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Original poster

Surname after divorce

104 replies

Sugarpie1 · 29/05/2020 11:57

Hiya, this a general question about divorce and surnames. I got a diy divorce, specifically my then husband did all the paper work and just got me to sign on the dotted line. Fine. Got the decree absolute and put it away. This was over 16 years ago. I was using his surname and on the absolute it had my maiden name on it which I was planning to revert back to, but this in the end took me a few years to come round to do - I admit that it was a combination of dreading doing all the paperwork, the costs, probably a lot of denial. My question how long did it take you to revert back to using your maiden name after your divorce?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sugarpie1 · 29/05/2020 15:55

@flirtygirl, I did eventually change everything to my maiden surname, some 4 years or so after the divorce. What I meant is that during the divorce itself, my name did change from my married to my maiden name - on all the divorce paper work and the absolute, but I carried on using the married name on all the other things; passport, bank etc for another few years until I started using my maiden name properly, for everything. So in the absolute it said I would stop using his name, which I did but only after a few years.

OP posts:
Twisique · 29/05/2020 16:39

Can you double barrel years later?

So Maiden name Smith
Married and change to Jones
ten years later
can i add in Smith to become Smith Jones?

insideoutsider · 29/05/2020 16:46

Immediately. I couldn't bear to be called by his name.

MulticolourMophead · 29/05/2020 17:06

@Twisique

Can you double barrel years later?

So Maiden name Smith
Married and change to Jones
ten years later
can i add in Smith to become Smith Jones?

Yes, I think you may just need to show the marriage certificate as proof of name change (along with your BC to prove identity).

Or, just do a deed poll, it's free and easy (see website gov.uk).

FlyAwayLikeABird · 29/05/2020 17:30

My mums still got mine and my dads surname and they divorced when I was 13. I don't think she has any plans to change it.

NatalieLollipop · 29/05/2020 17:38

I kept my surname from my first marriage until I remarried. However I subsequently changed my middle name by deed poll to the surname from my first marriage because I wanted a name in common with my son, and I still love my original in laws.

TartanCurtains · 29/05/2020 17:50

I'm still Mrs Married Name and I'm staying that way.

We have no kids and I didn't particularly dislike my maiden name. There are no residual feelings (positive or negative), and (as far as I am aware), nobody is annoyed by me doing this.

I usually enjoy admin tasks, but quite simply can't be bothered with the hassle and see no incentive or benefit to changing back.

Personally I cannot stand Ms, and it feels wrong to be Miss Married Name.

The law doesn't care, and neither do I!

ChangeMeAlready · 29/05/2020 18:20

Been divorced 17y, but kept married name, as my maiden name is foreign and very long. Been together with someone for 12y, have 2 DCs together, were supposed to get married last week and I would have changed my surname then, but will have to wait a little bit longer.

trappedsincesundaymorn · 29/05/2020 18:27

I've been divorced 20 years and I've never changed my name back for 2 reasons...1) it's the same surname as DD's and 2) it's easier to spell and pronounce than my maiden name.

Elefant1 · 29/05/2020 18:51

I changed mine before the divorce came through as I needed a new passport and I didn't want to get it in my married name and then have to pay for another a few months later. I married young and had no idea that I could choose not to change my name when I married, I have no intention of marrying again but if I did there is no way I would change my name.

Twisique · 29/05/2020 18:55

IF you go back to your original name do you cave to drop the 'Mrs'?
Can you chose Miss/Ms/Mrs as well as chose your surname?

theemmadilemma · 29/05/2020 19:01

I said I would straight away at the time. It's probably been 5 years since the absolute but I'd only just renewed my bloody passport out of my maiden name (that had had years left on and I wasn't worried when I got married about changing it straight away) so I still have my married name everywhere.

I will change it at some point though.

Graphista · 29/05/2020 19:25

I'm still using my married name! And I've been divorced longer than I was married!

Initially I took his name as it's far nicer than my maiden name, then when we split I wanted to keep same name as dd.

Now I just cba!

Funnily enough ex remarried ow and took her name - which admittedly is even nicer than his.

I don't think it really matters, each to their own:

SureTry · 29/05/2020 19:26

I went back to my maiden name before I filed for divorce. My driving license was easiest to change, I didn't bother with my passport as it was quite expensive to change.

littlemeitslyn · 29/05/2020 19:28

I didn't

ALongHardWinter · 29/05/2020 19:36

I've never gone back to my maiden name,and I've been divorced for 20 years now. The main reason that I kept my married name was because I had an 11 year old Dd,who had her dad's surname,and I didn't want us having different surnames. I could envisage it causing problems for her at school,or if we wanted to travel abroad on holiday. I'd heard accounts of mum's who had gone back to their maiden name being challenged when they went through customs,being asked to prove that they were related to their child/children.

Another reason was because I simply could not be arsed with all the palava with paperwork,having to let the bank,the doctors,council etc know that I'd reverted back to my maiden name.

My Dd is grown up and married now and has changed her surname,so obviously the issue of us having different names doesn't apply any more. I did consider briefly,just after she got married about changing mine,but in the end,I simply could not be bothered!

rhowton · 29/05/2020 19:43

I'd keep my name out of pettiness! His next wife would always be the second Mrs Howton

MsVestibule · 29/05/2020 20:37

@Twisique you can choose whichever title you like. I was Ms Original Family Name, I am now Ms New Family Name. I did take my husband's name when we married but I don't like to use Miss or Mrs, regardless of my marital status.

Sydneylover1 · 29/05/2020 20:49

I went back to my maiden name immediately after my divorce. To be fair, I hated my married name as it was so common (receptionist at GP surgery once called out my full name and 3 people stood up.....) so was happy to go back to my more unusual maiden name.

I then remarried a few years later but retained my maiden name until we had been married for 14 years. I joke that this was because I wanted to be sure this marriage would last but it was actually for professional reasons (we worked together). Once we started working at different organisations (4 years ago) I did take the plunge and change my name.

Sugartitss · 29/05/2020 21:27

The very next time I had to sign something or give name over the phone I gave maiden name.

Still use it for school as it’s my kids names. It’s a very nice surname too.

ByStarlight · 29/05/2020 22:06

My parents divorced when I was 11 and my mum mentioned to me that she was thinking of going back to her maiden name. I remember feeling totally devastated, like she didn’t want to be my mum anymore. Because we had all had the same surname and to my youthful understanding it meant we were a family and it felt like she was rejecting me by not wanting to share the same name as me anymore. I was so upset about it that she ended up keeping her married name.

As an adult now I can see the situation in a more balanced way, and feel a bit guilty for putting the emotional blackmail on her then. But, remembering how I had felt as a child about the importance of us all having the same family name, I changed my name to my husband’s when we got married so that I would have the same name as our children. And while we have no plans to divorce (happily married for 10 years), I’ve always thought that I’d still keep my married name if anything happened, to feel ‘connected’ to DS and in case he felt the same.

ByStarlight · 29/05/2020 22:12

Oops, posted too soon. Also meant to add that even though I changed my surname when I married, I never changed my signature.

It’s illegible anyway - just a vague scrawl with my first name initial followed by some wiggly lines - didn’t look much like my maiden name to begin with and looks even less like my married name. But it’s my unique signature that I’ve used since I was a teenager, so I didn’t want the hassle of having to try and teach myself how to write a new one.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 31/05/2020 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 31/05/2020 18:11

Whoops, posted a reply on the wrong thread. I'll ask for it to be removed.

YinMnBlue · 31/05/2020 19:15

@Twisique , you can do whatever you like. As long as you are not changing your name and / or title in order to commit fraud you can use any surname you like, at any time, whether or not you are married. You can use a made up surname or any name you like the sound of. Ditto Miss, Ms or Mrs: none of those have any legal status.