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Original poster

Surname after divorce

104 replies

Sugarpie1 · 29/05/2020 11:57

Hiya, this a general question about divorce and surnames. I got a diy divorce, specifically my then husband did all the paper work and just got me to sign on the dotted line. Fine. Got the decree absolute and put it away. This was over 16 years ago. I was using his surname and on the absolute it had my maiden name on it which I was planning to revert back to, but this in the end took me a few years to come round to do - I admit that it was a combination of dreading doing all the paperwork, the costs, probably a lot of denial. My question how long did it take you to revert back to using your maiden name after your divorce?

OP posts:
ConkerGame · 29/05/2020 12:31

This thread makes me so happy I kept my own name when I married! That is an option for anyone reading who isn’t yet married! You also don’t have to give your kids your husband’s surname, you can give them yours or hyphenate it or mix them together.

Muppetry76 · 29/05/2020 12:34

My divorce took 3 long years. I started a new job in the 3rd year so reverted then (as my married name was awful, sorry kids). Moved after about 3.5 years so changed my name on most stuff at that point. Still have one bank account in married name.

My ex demanded I stop using his surname the moment we separated. I duly kept it as long as I could bear to put up with it (see above) and he was enraged that I'd not informed him that I'd officially changed it back. Dickhead.

CoronaMoaner · 29/05/2020 12:35

Changed mine back as soon as I had the document in my hand!
It was a complete PITA to change everything and expensive but totally worth it.
Left my job and started a new one in my maiden name and it felt great.
When I remarried 6 years later I kept my maiden name and I’ll never change it again (despite my DH and DC’s protests).

SoupDragon · 29/05/2020 12:37

I have no plans to change mine back. I prefer this one.

Snowpatrolling · 29/05/2020 12:38

I’m 6 years post divorce and I still use my married name.
I didn’t want a different surname to the kids and makes it easier when we go abroad.
When they are old enough I will revert back to my much loved maiden name! :)

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/05/2020 12:41

I didn’t change back.

covidco · 29/05/2020 12:45

My mum still uses "Mrs MarriedName". They've been divorced almost 20 years. She didn't want a different name to her kids and didn't ever want to remarry (she is in a long term relationship with no plans to marry). There's no rule about it.

RedRec · 29/05/2020 12:48

Not divorced but separated (with affadavit) nearly three years ago. Changed back to maiden name by deed poll. It was very easy and felt right to have my family name back. Have been half-arsed about changing it on official documentation - have changed it on driving license and other essential ones, but still have bank accounts, passports etc in my married name.
AND the term 'maiden name' is in no way repulsive to me, as a pp asserts it is.

Queenunikitty · 29/05/2020 12:50

As soon as I got the decree absolute I was down the passport office to change it the same day! No kids with him though.

RedRec · 29/05/2020 12:51

... passport, singular.

Northumberlandlass · 29/05/2020 12:51

I changed it by deedpoll during the divorce process. No bother. It meant I don’t have the same surname as my son, but that’s fine! Plus exDh is now happily married & it would be weird for there to be 2 of us!!

I wish I’d never changed it when I got married.... that’s another topic!

Flibbitygibbit · 29/05/2020 12:51

About 18 years ... once my kids had grown up 😃 I love signing my maiden name 👏

Wannabegreenfingers · 29/05/2020 12:53

I'll be keeping my married name. It's our family name not just his!

Weekends · 29/05/2020 12:55

I changed back to my own family name before I even applied for the divorce and I'm so very glad of it. Will never change it again!
Made much more sense when I went on to adopt my daughter a few years later - I absolutely love it that she has my family name.

raspberryk · 29/05/2020 12:56

I wish I never changed it when I got married but that's a whole other story. I kept my married name and use Ms/Mrs, particularly as my ex threatened to take me to court to remove it from me Grin which he couldn't actually do. Partly because of young kids, partly laziness and having no money to update my passport etc. I also don't really like my family name.
Before I graduate next year I'll change it back as my passport is due renewal then too.
I'm 5 years post separation and about 2.5/3 years post divorce I think.

MintyMabel · 29/05/2020 12:59

If I were divorced I’d keep the name. It’s much nicer than my maiden name.

Dazedandconfused10 · 29/05/2020 13:01

Not going to change it. I get called by my surname more than my first so it's my name and ill keep it

GrandTheftWalrus · 29/05/2020 13:01

I have no kids with exh but still have that mingling surname. It's mainly because it's still on my passport and as I wasnt going abroad I saw no reason to change it. However I now hate having a different surname to dd so I'm changing it by deed poll to my partners surname and then all 3 of us will have the same name.

Just need someone to sign my deed poll for me.

81Byerley · 29/05/2020 13:02

I was at a family celebration and looked at my ex - husband and his new wife, (OW) and thought " It's been 9 years, why am I still using his name?"
The next day CAB told me "Your maiden name is always your name, you take your husband's name as a courtesy. Just inform everyone that you wish to revert". So I did, and it was no problem. I informed work and my workmates first, then DVLA, then as each household bill came in I rang them and changed it.

SomeonesRealName · 29/05/2020 13:03

About three days after I discovered the infidelity. The divorce took longer!

LittleCandle · 29/05/2020 13:04

About 7 years, although I had intended to do it sooner. Its easier in Scotland. But there was one final bit of fuckwittery that was just the last straw (I don't remember what it was now) and I set about doing it. Took me a few days, no more. I wish I had done it sooner.

MillicentMartha · 29/05/2020 13:05

My annoying children asked me not to, so I kept my cheating exH’s name for their sake. Now that the annoying children are adults they don’t care anymore and my righteous anger and enthusiasm for changing has become apathy!

pinkyredrose · 29/05/2020 13:05

I also don't really like my family name. Before I graduate next year I'll change it back

Why are you planning to use a surname you dont like? Confused There's infinite surnames out there, why not pick one you like?

newtb · 29/05/2020 13:05

I will be going back to my maiden name. It's the law in France where I live and where the divorce is in progress. I'd have to ask 'd' h's permission to use my married name.

His family never felt I had the right to it.

After nearly 43 years it seems a bit weird. And it will cost me - new passport etc.

Just shows what a bastard he is.

MillicentMartha · 29/05/2020 13:06

PS, and it annoys his new wife, (the OW!)