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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report the pair of them

112 replies

MaMaD1990 · 28/05/2020 15:36

So I've just kept my opinions to myself if I've seen anyone breaking lockdown rules but lunchtime today im putting rubbish out and i see my neighbours mother drive round and start unloading her stuff from the car - she's bloody decided to come for a little visit!! This annoys me not only because it breaks the rules but her son has also been tooing and froing between his flat and his girlfriends flat and having the girlfriend and her daughter over etc (yes i know, nosey). AIBU to report them both or should i just leave it and put my energy elsewhere?

OP posts:
Mintychoc1 · 28/05/2020 17:31

YANBU, but OP, this is mumsnet, home of the double standard, where people like to tell you you’re wrong for the sake of it.

If you’d posted saying “my mum is coming to stay for a few days, and my son has been visiting his girlfriend throughout lockdown, and now my nosy neighbour has reported us” you’d be told you deserved it, you shouldn’t have broken lockdown, it’s people like you that cause COVID deaths etc. I guarantee it!

And mumsnet also likes to tell people to mind their own business. So if you see a woman beating her toddler with a stick you’re meant to offer to help rather than report her, because she might have issues you don’t know about!

Crazy madness.

Lweji · 28/05/2020 17:33

Oh op, rookie error, thinking the good folk of MN believe that the lock down rules should be observed.

Not at the expense of empathy.

A parent staying with children when lockdown is relaxing, for whatever reason is hardly going to lead to a new wave.

If anything, I'd say it's risky for said parent, but, and again, they will have their own reasons, which we don't know about.

I'm always surprised at both the "you can't tell me what to do" as well as the "it's the rules" pps. IMO both are childish.

WhatExit · 28/05/2020 17:45

You grew out of abbreviations, OP? Sorry, Original Poster?

peperethecat · 28/05/2020 17:55

I just don't get the people who get so angry either way.

@Somewhereinthesky I think my issue with it is that whilst I am prepared to respect whatever public health measures are in place, I think it's clear that the risk to most of us of contracting Covid-19 and becoming seriously ill or dying is very low, and a large proportion of those who have died were very old and had underlying health conditions which meant that they would not have lived a very long time anyway.

I am not saying this because I don't think it's important to protect vulnerable people. I do, and that is why I am willing to respect the rules. But I think some people have lost all sense of perspective. What do they think will happen if everybody stays inside unless going out is absolutely essential? Do they think the virus will disappear? It won't. There is literally no way we can keep everybody cooped up inside until the virus has gone. The world economy will collapse. The cost will be far too great.

The point of the public hygiene and social distancing measures is to slow the rate of infections. If the rate of infections has dropped off significantly following the lockdown (and it has) and the ICUs are not overwhelmed, the purpose has been achieved. It is not reasonable, necessary or sustainable for everyone to stick rigidly to the rules all the time.

I think some people have completely lost the plot. For the sake of possibly saving a handful of lives mostly of people who were not long for this world anyway they are willing to turn the UK into a police state where people rat out their neighbours to the authorities for visiting their mums or having a friend round to drink beers in the garden.

peperethecat · 28/05/2020 17:57

And that scares me far more than any virus.

Destroyedpeople · 28/05/2020 17:59

Ttsssssssssss

That's the noise I made when I read your OP

sallyfox · 28/05/2020 17:59

Lockdown's virtually over (in London, anyway), so no need to become a police informant

Alicatz66 · 28/05/2020 18:02

The messages are so mixed and confusing now that the police couldn't enforce anything ..... looks like Boris is leaving it to common sense !!!! ... Christ !! ...

Somewhereinthesky · 28/05/2020 18:08

Preparethecat, I don't agree with all the rules here, I am from another country. But I do follow it because I am that sort of person. I don't think most of people have lost their plot. Like I said, if OP was, the sort to report anyone, she would have done it without question. She was angry, and I can see why. Like I said, everyone's on the edge. calling people names won't solve anything.
I think OP may have got different responces if she has phrased it differently. Maybe she should have made it just a rant thread instead of asking if she should report. But hardly a crime to be following a rules, and being annoyed by who doesn't.

PissOffStayAtHomeDogMum · 28/05/2020 18:13

Not your business, I'm afraid. I wouldn't bother being cross in private, either. I'd forget about it completely.

Nanalisa60 · 28/05/2020 18:17

Fill your boots ring the police they don’t care!! They are sick of people like you!!

Lweji · 28/05/2020 18:17

OP, would you have been so angry if your neighbour already lived with his gf, and dd, and his mother?
Have you been isolating from your household members?

There's a world of difference between wishing they kept away, ideally, and getting angry and thinking of calling the police because very close family members are in contact.

GreyGardens88 · 28/05/2020 18:21

No one cares anymore, just use your instincts. I'm thinking about taking the train next week to go and stay with my parents for a few nights, who I've not seen for months. Shock horror!

supersop60 · 28/05/2020 18:21

I think YANBU to be annoyed. I feel the same - obeying all the rules about not seeing family etc and yet other people are carrying on as normal. However - the best thing you can do is keep you and your loved ones safe. Give your neighbour a wide berth - they're probably riddled!

Devlesko · 28/05/2020 18:22

Is it worth reporting. Everyone is doing what they want to now, if you want to stay in then you can, I am.
If others want to go out and about it's none of my business.
You sound weird reporting people, get a hobby.

Gwenhwyfar · 28/05/2020 18:40

I agree with you that it's not on. However, I wouldn't report that, keep your reporting for bigger infringements like parties and large groups.

I don't understand the people saying just to keep to the rules yourself though. I'm keeping to the rules on the understanding that everyone else does too. If they don't, why should I have to? We're not doing this to protect ourselves, but the whole community.
Saying to keep away from them is useless as well, they'll probably be shopping in the same place as you so if the visitor has brought it with them you're at risk that way.

1forsorrow · 28/05/2020 18:49

There could be a legitimate reason, mother might have had a big row with her husband so it would be legitimate to move somewhere else to let things cool down. I'm sorry, got a bit of a headache so I couldn't work out the brother stuff.

CrouchingTraceyHiddenLadders · 28/05/2020 18:52

You're getting some nasty comments on here OP.Sad
There's no point reporting your neighbours. Unfortunately selfish idiots are selfish idiots whether there's a pandemic or not.

Our neighbours haven't stuck to any of the guidelines, having family visit and grandchildren staying overnight.
Before someone chimes in with we don't know their circumstances...we absolutely do. They have always done what they like with no thought for others.

ddl1 · 28/05/2020 18:57

Put your energy elsewhere, unless they are actually intruding into your space, or are having big gatherings.

borntohula · 28/05/2020 18:58

Oh bugger off.

BubblesBuddy · 28/05/2020 18:58

Several of my close neighbours have ignored the visitors rules from day 1. Other families coming round. Sons and daughters and grandchildren visiting. Adult children (2 doctors) visiting. Leaving home and staying elsewhere for a week. It isn’t worth doing anything because these people are arrogant. They wouldn’t listen and I didn’t care about who they mixed with. As long as it wasn’t me!

jade9390 · 28/05/2020 18:59

I have been trying to shield but randoms come in and out of my communal area, often ringing my door bell because upstairs seems to rent his place by the hour. The other neighbour broke lock down by going away 3 weeks ago. There have also been street parties outside. I would be on the phone all day, if I reported people but do not bother. I have reported actual crime in the past and it comes back on you, neighbours have threatened me and police will not protect or help you, so do not bother. It is up to police to patrol a problem area like mine and do their job, not you.

BatShite · 28/05/2020 19:01

I don't understand the people saying just to keep to the rules yourself though. I'm keeping to the rules on the understanding that everyone else does too. If they don't, why should I have to?

Well you don't 'have to'. If you don't want to, because some other people aren't..then crack on tbh!

savehalloween · 28/05/2020 19:59

The police have far better things to do. Get a life.

MintyMabel · 28/05/2020 20:02

Thank you to everyone who's been giving genuine opinions on the situation!

Translation: thank you to people who agreed with me.