DBS form insists I use MISS AIBU to insist on MS?

[flamingnoravera]

I have always used Ms as my title. I am trying to complete a DBS form. I selected the title Ms and a box then appears asking me to disclose a previous name. I have never been known by a previous name. Even when I was married I used my current surname. If I check "Miss" the date dissapears but I am 58 years old and I do not use the title Miss. I am not a Miss.

AIBU to not complete the form? The number to call on the top of the online form "is not recognised" and my mobile provider has blocked the number anyway because it is £1.45 a minute.

On a matter of principle I will not be known as Miss. I have umpteen DBS forms which have never thrown up this glitch. AIBU to say "sod it" and insist on a paper form?

If Miss is for women who've never been married, and Ms is for divorced women, is the only option for married women Mrs? That's ludicrous - I kept my own name, so would become Mrs Creed, as opposed to Mrs DH. Instead, much more sensibly, I was Ms before I got married (because I wasn't 12 any more) and am still Ms now.

Forms that don't recognise that are ridiculous. I complained to a ticket company who updated their form, why can't the DBS fix it?

Pleased you managed to get it to work with a sneaky bypass. It should just be an optional box though which wouldn't actually be that difficult.

If Ms were actually a title for a divorced woman then forms and society would insist that divorced women use it (rather than continuing to go by Mrs as so many women do). But nothing of the sort happens.

Society would also presumably automatically revoke the right to use the husband’s surname on divorce too. But that doesn’t happen either.

It’s all just bullshit. There’s literally no reason why anyone needs to know someone’s marital status from their title.

I see no reason why a PP shouldn’t use Mx if she wants to.

@flamingnoravera

Ms is not a title for a divorced woman. It is a title for a woman who chooses not to disclose her marital status. You are incorrect heartsoncake just plain wrong.

Mx is nothing but a silly principle for those of a certain mindset that embarrass’ women as a whole.

It’s simple. Not married? Miss. Married? Mrs. Been married but now divorced? Ms. It’s not archaic just because you don’t agree with it.

Just put your name in the box 🤷🏻‍♀️

Don't passport applications do something like ask for your current name and then - regardless of sex or marital status - for all previous names? (None, in the OPs case). I'd have thought that would be what the DBS should be doing.

heartsoncake you are incorrect. Merely stating that Ms is for divorced women does not make it true. It was a title developed by women in the 1700's so that we do not have to disclose our marital status. Our marital status is irrelevent to anyone unless we choose to disclose it.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ms.

Mx is nothing but a silly principle for those of a certain mindset that embarrass’ women as a whole.

A certain mindset that rejects the patriarchy you mean and therefore makes said mindset difficult and awkward? I mean, why can we not just accept oppression like good little girls?

Do you have to change your title to Mrs when married?

*sparklfairy" Yes indeed. We must not upset the big strong men that look after us so well.

qweryuiop No, you absoultely do not have to change your title.

heartsonacake, I'm interested –do you think using Ms is incorrect? Or is it just not your preference?

I was Ms before I got married (because I wasn't 12 any more)

Well, I'm 53 and I insist on 'Miss': absolutely loathe Ms. And Mx.

However nobody's being unreasonable to request the title of their choice.

Now I want to be Mx

An hour ago you wanted to be Ms

I'm married and use Ms, I put my surname in both boxes as I never changed it. Worked fine on my last DBS check (last year)

I loathe Miss, but I would not deny your right to use it Missnicelegs. I respect your right to call yourself by whatever title you wish.

It’s simple. Not married? Miss. Married? Mrs. Been married but now divorced? Ms. It’s not archaic just because you don’t agree with it.

It’s completely archaic. How could it not be?

The fact that so many women are still - in 2020 - so attached to the idea that their title (a proxy for social status) should be attached to whether a man is willing to be married to them or not absolutely astounds me.

Why don’t we have different titles for men based on their marital status, since it matters so much? Indeed, why isn’t there even a different abbreviation for Mister and Master?

It’s easy enough for forms to ask everyone about any history of name changing. There’s no need for it to be seen as a woman-only thing.

In fact, why do we even need gendered titles at all? Or titles at all? The whole thing is totally archaic.

soupdragon yes I did, but now I want to have a gender and marriage neutral title. I reserve the right to call myself whatever I wish and to change my mind. What I do not want is to call myself Mrs or Miss.

@qweryuiop

Do you have to change your title to Mrs when married?

No. I never did.

Mrs DH’sSurname is his stepmum. I’m Dr Namechange.

And my surname is way better than his anyway. 😆

His mum did suggest that he should change his surname to mine. But he didn’t want to.

He was actually pretty upset that I didn’t want to go with the ‘tradition’ of subjugating both my identity and social status to his. But given he didn’t want to change his name, he had to accept that he was being unreasonable.

I'm a Ms and I just don't write another name. Are you doing it on a laptop?

@Mxflamingnoravera

qweryuiop No, you absoultely do not have to change your title.

I thought so. Thanks.

So, @heartsonacake wrote out the rules that many people imagine when people give their titles. If these were rules, then it would be a problem in my eyes (women being sorted by their marital status, but men no need). The form you're trying to fill in clearly makes this assumption, so should be changed. I certainly couldn't get worked up about it though, and you seem to have a simple workaround (either put your name as is in the box, or just write N/A).

And I'm married btw.

Of course it's archaic! A man is Mr no matter what. A woman's title is all to do with whether she's married or not. Miss sounds like a 14 year old to me, so I chose Ms the second I could.

@SporadicNamechange good on you! Me too, although dh was never fussed.

I filled out an NHS form earlier this year at a drop in clinic for contraception. They really tied themselves in knots trying to accomodate 'everyone'.

e.g. Male/Female/Transman/Transwoman/Non Binary/Prefer Not to Say

"Who do you have sex with?" Men (including transmen)/Women (including transwomen) etc etc.

Seemed a little over the top as a biological male presumably would not want or need the depo injection

Yet apparently allowing someone to call themselves 'Ms' on an official form is a step too far and, as some PPs seem to think, 'just being difficult'.