To ask if you had a talkative DC, did it impact them socially?

[MumNeedsTea]

I usually don't post in AIBU, so please be kind.

I have a 7 yo DC who literally never stops talking!! I know children sometimes love to talk, but I've never met another child who talks as much. Some my friends and his friends' mums have also commented on it in the past. Nothing nasty, but something along the lines of 'do you ever get a word in edgewise with him around!?' kind of comments.

He won't even sit quietly when he's watching TV... There's always a constant commentary about what's going on! Same when he's playing a game. If I have to hear about what's happening in Minecraft one more time, I'll go mad!

I was just wondering if you've had such a DC and did it get better over time? And if not, did they have issues maintaining friendships? If I find him irritating at times, I worry how he must come across to his friends. He has some really good friends and in some ways being talkative makes him more social, but I worry for when he's an adult continues the same behaviour.
He also has this thing about not stopping once he starts. Like he'll start telling me something and I'll ask him to wait if I'm in the middle of something.. He'll say OK, but still continue. Almost as if he really hasn't registered my request. And he loves repeating instructions!

Maybe it's just this bloody lockdown that's making me question all this. If you've managed to get this far, thank you

DD 22 was a non stop talker, always getting in trouble in school for talking..

The ability to listen and wait until you have processed and understood before giving an opinion is a really important skill
The trouble was she processed and understood it really quick! and it did take her a while to realise that other children's mind didnt work at that rate.
Teachers understood that and she did contribute a lot to classes. More than one teacher told us they used her to liven up the class and start a debate

But saying that she has lots of friends because she is kind and caring and she has volunteered with children with SN from 12 , been nominated for YOPEY awards and is now training to be an OT.

I have this with dd6. It's like having a demented parrot in my ear all day when her step brother isn't here. When he is I get a break because she chunters at him instead then. I do worry about school but I asked the teacher and she said she was fine and gets on well with the others so going that's true.

@Wildlingyoumakemyheartsing you sound like a lovely teacher!

I have a 7yo DS and there is a girl like this in his class. She’s a lovely girl but I will be honest with you, people definitely do get annoyed with her and there has been some ‘light’ bullying (I know there really is no such thing) that her mum has had to intervene with involving other girls not being very nice to her and leaving her out. She’s also like this with parents when we are involved with things, I’ve had her in my group on school trips and she literally never stops talking. I am ashamed to admit it’s really annoying. She’s an only child so I can’t imagine how she’s managing in lockdown with just her parents. I feel bad saying this as I’m sure she’s lovely and might well grow out of it. Also my DS has his own issues, he has issues with attending school and more, so no one is perfect! It’s only that you asked specifically about the talking thing.

@skinnyhotchoc

Thanks!

I think sometimes social skills are easier to teach at home and sometimes are easier to teach at school. At school, because so many kids are vying for attention it's easier to get them to realise they need to choose the most valuable contribution rather than witter! I think it needs to be taught with humour as otherwise the child gets anxious about speaking rather than realising the balance between speaking and listening.

To be fair, I was witterer in childhood and my mum used to glaze over so I have empathy with them!

I once heard a quote that stuck with me...'some people listen... and others wait for their chance to speak!'

My dd was/still is a non stop talker. She also has a loud voice which after a while makes even my head hurt. And it got her in trouble more than once at school - hers was the voice everyone knew.
She was everyone's friend at school but nobodies best friend which makes me sad because she is lovely
You need to work on ''the look' - an unspoken word you can glare when he's doing it too much.
We have a video of inside the car on a journey we did when the kids were little. My dd literally didn't stop talking the whole way - years later she watched it and was horrified and wanted to know why no one ever told her to shut up. But we did!! It literally didn't register with her that even in the video you can clearly hear me and her sisters asking her to be quiet.

Yes my dc is the same and has ADHD. I knew there was a problem as I used to read a bedtime story and they could literally not listen to a single page without talking. They also interrupted constantly at school making it difficult for other pupils.

@Wildlingyoumakemyheartsing agree. Teachers get a better insight into them socially. Kids are different at home in their own environments so it's often difficult for parents to know what they're dealing with. Teachers definitely have a roll to play

Hehe they grow up into my fab 35 year old brother who similarly never stops once he gets going but has legions of friends. He is great in parties and other small talk situations as he leads the conversation off into more interesting areas whereas more reticent types like me might be still stalling at 'isn't it amazing weather?'

I would be a bit firmer with the 'wait a minute' instructions though. I manage someone who simply talks over and doesn't hear instructions and frankly, it's one reason why she won't be getting her contract renewed.

Haven’t read the whole thread, but @MumNeedsTea my 4 year old is exactly like this.
He doesn’t stop all day. Currently obsessed with blue planet & narrates everything like his fucking david Attenborough. And if he’s not talking, he’s s
singing. I’ve had a headache all lockdown.
He talks to everyone who passes when he’s in the garden. People always comment on how confident he is. But I worry that he dominates contact with his mates.
I’m working on getting him to ask people how they are and about their interests etc; rather than just talking endlessly about him & his.
He also finds it hard to stop & family meal times are difficult because he doesn’t stop talking long enough to finish his food. He gets upset sometimes because he’s literally bursting with “interesting things” to tell us and worries he’ll forget them if we ask him to wait.
Definitely going to read over the thread to see how others manage..... if I get some peace to do so 😂

My son is like this. He is 9. We have had a lot of social problems with him. He was referred to cahms for assessment but they discharged him. He talks, alot. Years ago he really did lose friends over it or they would push him away, we and the school have worked very hard with him and as he is maturing he is slowly getting better and has settled down with his friends. But even now if he goes to friends houses he will speak to their parents as if he's an adult too, his best friends mum loves him but she doesn't have to deal with it all the time. I don't really notice his differences until another child comes round to play and I see how they are.

@Pandapotato @muminlockdown2020

That was my daughter too, so confident with adults from a young age, never any wariness or reticence about interacting with adults. Talking to adults like they’re equals I think when it comes to her peers it’s a different story though.

Thank you all for sharing your stories and the great advice!
Sorry that some of you have had a hard time

@TruJay LOL!! That's what my DS is like on some days!

Now that I think back, there are some instances when he is quiet, usually when he is building something difficult. We got him a massive lego set for his birthday - a year or 2 above his age with 1000s of pieces. The box was almost as big as him . It took him 3 days to build the whole thing and he didn't talk a lot during that time. We had 3 peaceful days

My 12 year old was like this. Started at the age of 7 months and has pretty much not stopped talking. A few times at primary school her teachers commented that she had a tendency to talk at them, all of the time. All interesting, but all of the time... She’s better now (at school, at least). She had friendship issues at primary school but that was more to do with primary school girls

At home, however, never shuts up. And whistles/hums/sings. Drives us batty. The humming/singing thing she’s done since she was 2. She’s musically talented though so it’s like she has to have some sort of music around her at all times.

Are you me? My DS is the same (also 7!). He is constantly talking!

When they are narrating what they are doing even to themselves when nobody else is listening (past about the age of 4/5) it can be a sign that their executive functions are a little bit delayed, because around this age or before is usually when that external monologue becomes internal. You know sometimes when you're tired and you have to keep muttering to yourself what task you're doing or you'll walk into a room and say what the bloody hell did I come in here for? It's the same brain function faltering a bit!

So the fact that he could do the Lego task while keeping his narration mostly internal I would say is one indication that he's probably developing normally but just gets excited to share things with people and maybe doesn't have a good understanding of the skills of polite conversation. So I reckon you could get pretty far by working on these skills directly with him. Practice at dinner time - when somebody is talking he should listen to what they are saying and think of a question to ask them about what they have said, but wait until they have finished talking to ask it. You can practice turn taking so that everyone gets a chance to say what they want to say.

That’s really interesting @BertieBotts, about the “narrating” being a sign of poor executive function. I didn’t know the two were linked. My daughter’s executive function is pretty terrible, and I’m guilty of expecting her to manage to do things independently (in line with her age) that she really can’t. I guess it would make sense if her executive function is at the level of a child much younger.

Mine is 8 and also a non-stop talker.

He is very popular. He’s also very clever, top of his class in most subjects. He’s not so bad at school, although he has been known to be chatty. He was moved from the equally as chatty friend

Ha! Sounds exactly like my 12DD! She is an only child so I do make myself available and listen to her wittering on and on! I have heard that her friends find her annoying. Which is sad but I get it. She is so much fun though! I think she realises her ways so and is starting to tone it down a little when with friends.