To ask if you had a talkative DC, did it impact them socially?

[MumNeedsTea]

I usually don't post in AIBU, so please be kind.

I have a 7 yo DC who literally never stops talking!! I know children sometimes love to talk, but I've never met another child who talks as much. Some my friends and his friends' mums have also commented on it in the past. Nothing nasty, but something along the lines of 'do you ever get a word in edgewise with him around!?' kind of comments.

He won't even sit quietly when he's watching TV... There's always a constant commentary about what's going on! Same when he's playing a game. If I have to hear about what's happening in Minecraft one more time, I'll go mad!

I was just wondering if you've had such a DC and did it get better over time? And if not, did they have issues maintaining friendships? If I find him irritating at times, I worry how he must come across to his friends. He has some really good friends and in some ways being talkative makes him more social, but I worry for when he's an adult continues the same behaviour.
He also has this thing about not stopping once he starts. Like he'll start telling me something and I'll ask him to wait if I'm in the middle of something.. He'll say OK, but still continue. Almost as if he really hasn't registered my request. And he loves repeating instructions!

Maybe it's just this bloody lockdown that's making me question all this. If you've managed to get this far, thank you

We got ds assessed after I had two frank conversations - one with a GP, one with the SEN coordinator at his primary school. Until then he'd floated along being "quirky" but there were other aspects as well as the verbal compulsion - aversion to certain textures especially clothes labels, short lived but all consuming obsessions (as well as Bangladesh (why???) we've had various languages like polish, Latin etc, being a private detective (really very boring - it was just looking at people on buses and talking about if they had dog hairs on their coats, I shit you not), all sorts really including weirdly selective mutism when very very young, plus some physical markers like hypermobility and ligamentous laxity. They've all become less problematic as he's got older which is why I think his diagnosis was pretty good - traits, but manageable.

Thanks @heroicasymphony
I haven't noticed any other symptoms, but will keep an eye out. Maybe even have a word with our very helpful GP post lockdown.

I was this child, I'm 25 now and still talk too much, but it turned out I had ADHD, so my mind is just racing with thoughts I want to share all the time! Its hard to have so much to share and very few people who want to listen, so lend an ear but impress upon him that for every minute he speaks, he needs to listen to others for a minute.

My DS is like this. I get frustrated when I’m trying to concentrate on something and he just keeps going. I’ve asked him to pause before he speaks and ask himself if what he has to say is important or interesting (to the person listening). If not, to consider keeping it in his head instead!

What would a diagnosis achieve though? Our youngest is like this and has been since birth. It’s both adorable and infuriating in equal measure. I work in SEN and am pretty convinced he has got ADHD but I’m not going to pursue it because other than giving ‘it’ (as in his constant hyperactivity and verbal diarrhoea) a name (and referring to him affectionately as “Mr Noisy” kind of does the same thing) I don’t think it would benefit him at all...We just constantly remind him the he has two ears and one mouth in that ratio for a reason

My DS never stops but he has good friends. Best friends with the boy he sat next to on the first day of school, basically started talking to him and never stopped. A mum from school went on a school trip and laughed when she came back that she knew everything about everyone in my family.

I was at college with someone like this, she just couldn’t stop-she would admit that she couldn’t stop, it was nerves.. she had loads of friends and went on to be quite a high fligher career wise. So clearly didn’t hinder her.

@Lucked yes we've had that too! All of DS's friends and their families know everything that goes on in our house!

@Runningonemptea thanks! I really don't know enough about Adhd/ASD to know the advantage /disadvantage of having a diagnosis.

My son was like this. He now has a diagnosis of Aspergers and ADHD. .

If he needs to say something it has to come out. Otherwise it's like he's going to burst He is an adult now and has a bit more control but as a child there was no stopping him.

For us the diagnosis was helpful because it had niggled for years that maybe we were selling him short by not pursuing it and cutting off possible means of support as he got older so it was a relief to find there wasn't enough for a full on diagnosis with a concrete condition but at the same time we got some tips and strategies to help us understand how his mind works and how to accommodate him and make sure he was ok.

My son (now 21) was a talker. Random strangers used to ask if he ever stopped. I'm glad he was like that - bright, interested with a great vocabulary. I found a little book of promises he gave me for Mothers Day, one of which was 'I will stop talking'. Made me a little sad - I hope I wasn't too hard on him. He's perfectly normal now, popular with a great group of friends.

My 11 year old ASD/ADHD kiddo is like this. Does not stop, actually he does but it’s usually when he’s poorly and it’s one of the only ways I can tell he’s ill as despite non stop talking he can’t tell us what’s wrong with him! He gets worse if he’s anxious, is a nightmare to watch a film with!

I used to sometimes think “please just shush for five minutes”!

I think I say this out loud to my DD most days... It's fine to set some boundaries, you're not just there to serve your children's needs. It's good for children to learn that they're not the centre of the universe.

@AuntieDolly Oh that would've made me sad too! But it sounds like he's grown to be a great individual now and that's all that matters

Re your questions about diagnosis.

The advantage of a diagnosis is that it opens sours to support for both you and the child. It means the school know what type of strategies to use and that they are dealing with a developmental disorder and not a behavioural issue.

My DS has a lot of other symptoms and was not coping at all at school by the time he was diagnosed at 13. He had no friends for most of his time in primary school but the primary school were not supportive in terms of an assessment.

When he went to secondary school the shit hit the fan and he was on route to being expelled. Luckily his form tutor was very supportive and encouraged me in pushing for an assessment. By this time I knew a lot of SEN mums and knew how crap CAMHS were and how long a diagnosis would take and as he was already 11:12 by this point I went private. This involves paying for an educational psychologist assessment and then getting a GP referral to a child and adolescent psychiatrist.

The normal route is to get GP or school to refer to CAMHS who will make a multi disciplinary assessment. This may take a very long time and if the child's difficulties are on the milder end you may find it difficulty to get a diagnosis at all. In fact they may not even accept the referral as they are so stretched.

Tbh you probably need more than them just talking a lot. More became apparent as he got older so probably just need to watch and wait at this stage.

A diagnosis also provides protection under the equalities act which is more difficult to establish without.

I have an 8 year old DS that never shuts up too. Hes been the same since he learnt to talk and its exhausting. Every meal is 100 questions about what we are eating, how I cooked it, what type of cheese is it etc Its either endless questions (do ducks have pupils in their eyes for example), or a monologue about Mario. I have to just say goodnight and close the door at bed time leaving him talking to himself or I'd be there all night.

He has plenty of friends but no one really close and I do worry that it impacts him socially, as much as I adore him he can be really irritating . We're working on his listening skills and boundaries but it's hard going.

@MiniMum97 Thanks! That was very helpful.

DS1 is like this and he has friends. He actually makes friends really easily, I don't know how, we moved country when he was 5 and he had to learn a whole new language and he was making friends on the first day of kindergarten, when I went over to someone's house to pick him up after a playdate it turned out he was mainly just wrestling with her on the floor and doing slapstick things and making random nonsense noises

In primary school it concerned us a little because his friendships didn't seem very deep, just at this surface/shallow level plus the "cool" kids he was attracted to were naturally the troublemakers, which tended to get him into difficulties with staying focused in class. However secondary has been much better so far. The schools are streamed here, and he got into the most academic tier so although he is probably still among the class clowns so to speak, they aren't nearly as disruptive as they were at the other school and so he focuses on his work much better.

He does have an ADHD diagnosis but the talking and interrupting wasn't the only sign. He had very difficult behaviour at home from the ages of 3-5 and there's other stuff as well like he seems to be in a dream world half of the time with no sense of coming down to earth and existing on this planet. It can take him over an hour to do simple things like eat dinner, have a poo or take a shower. It was extremely hard to get him to go to sleep as a toddler and young child because he had no idea how to relax and allow himself to fall asleep. Various other things, but those are what spring to mind.

I have a 7 yo DC who literally never stops talking!! I know children sometimes love to talk, but I've never met another child who talks as much.

You’ve never met my two then OP.

My two tag team me to the point I switch off and say ‘mmmh yeaaa hmmmm’ goddess knows what I agree to sometime.

I love the Jones of them but Christ the paid of them could talk the hind legs of 1000 donkeys!!! 🤣

Bones and pair 😆

OK I seemed to lose bits of my message in the middle, but we were concerned because his method of socialising seemed to be to pick a cool kid and emulate them, which made everyone think he was cool too.

My eldest nephew was like this, I think around aged 6-8. Just for a couple of years, he didn’t stop monologuing! It was kind of like he’d been challenged to narrate his own life for as long as possible. I remember my SIL being quite exasperated with it.

He’s outgrown it now. But I think it’s the kind of thing I’d keep an eye on, especially if he’s starting to do things like interrupt his teacher. It would be sad if your nice little boy became that bloke in the office meeting who talks over everybody, and doesn’t listen.

Does he makes noises when he's not talking OP? My DS is 7 and on a diagnosis pathway for ADHD. He has a lot of difficulties, and talking virtually all of the time is the least of his difficulties. However, on the rare occasions he's not speaking he's generally making weird noises or singing or humming...