Are all sons mummy's boys?

[Foodie28]

So I wasn't entirely sure where to post this , I just need a rant really!

My question is are all sons mummy's boys? My boyfriend has lived with me for the past year, he lived with his mum before and so obviously they spent a lot of time together.

He still rings her like twice - three times a week but to her that's not good enough , whenever she answers she says comments like 'have you forgotten me?' Or 'is your phone broken?' I speak to my mum once a week and she doesn't get all funny with me if I don't call one week 😂

She has started giving him and me a bit of the cold shoulder recently we'll actually it's been since we told her I'm pregnant (now 16 weeks) she doesn't ask how I'm getting along or how I am whenever he does speak to her, now I've spoke to a few of my friends about it and they think she's bitter because I've 'taken' away her precious only son.

Can I ask for some opinions if anyone has had this? My partner is 30 by the way!!! 😂

I think visiting your mum every day for 30 years does seem excessive (assuming no caring responsibilities) and shows dependency on both sides

I think the point is though- if a woman did it, noone would bat an eyelid but when a man does it, he gets called junvenile names like "mummys boy". There isnt such a name for when women do it and thats the point.

Any relationship can be codependent and unhealthy but the fact this constantly gets brought up only about men and never women indicates sexism of some kind going on. Also, before someone accuses me of being all "poor men"- toxic masculinity is just as harmful to women as it is to men and contributes to ridiculous gender stereotypes that benefit noone so its harmful for everyone in the long run.

@Savingshoes that’s not excessive at all!! I speak to my mum and dad every day and when my kids are grown I’ll speak to them every day. And I will be seeing them more than 4 time’s a year. My family are my best friends.

Alexis I would think the same of a woman that visited her mother every day, I do think it shows an unhealthy co-dependency. (Again, assuming no caring responsibilities).

Wash - why would you speak to your grown up children every day? Surely you have your own life to live and they have their’s?

My DS left home for Uni last Sept (home for lockdown now ), I wouldn’t have dreamt of calling him every day, I wanted him to have time and space to enjoy his independence- obviously if a young adult is struggling and wants to keep in regular touch that’s entirely different but I would hate to think my DS felt ‘obliged’ to speak to me every day.

Dp speaks to his mum most days on his way home from work but is not a mummy's boy.

She was not at all well behaved towards me in the past and he roundly told her to wind her neck in or not see dc because of it. He will help her when she needs it and they have a good relationship, but he is not beholden to her and stands up to her if she starts any bullshit.

Men can be close to their mothers without being 'mummy's boys'

I would think the same of a woman that visited her mother every day, I do think it shows an unhealthy co-dependency. (Again, assuming no caring responsibilities)

Sure, but the point is- a woman doesnt get called names for it does she? thats my point. She doesnt get labelled something that has implications for her entire character as a man would.

why would you speak to your grown up children every day? Surely you have your own life to live and they have their’s

Eh- maybe theyre just very close? Just because you wouldn't do it doesnt make it "abnormal" and that is the issue here- everyone is different. My relationship with my mother was a bit fraught and we weren't like friends but I know lots of people who are on a friendship level with their mums and speak daily. Its not abnormal at all- theyre just close.

when my kids are grown I’ll speak to them every day.

What if they don’t want to speak to you every day? Are they allowed to have a say on the matter?

Mil sounds like she's guilt tripping him too, not something you want being taught to your child.

I agree about the guilt-tripping and I think that it is the major issue as well as her treatment towards OP, than the reference of mommy’s boy.

He is still calling her several times a week so for his mother to still guilt-trip him over it is ridiculous. Pretty sure his mother has a phone too so she could call him too.

"A 10 minute chat on the phone once a fortnight and a visit 4 times a year (bdays, Christmas, Easter) is more than enough, son's or daughters. "

That's just weird.

@Ragwort are you joking? My children are apart of my life a phone call once a day goes in no way stop me living my life? How selfish are you?that you couldn’t part with 5mins a day. It’s just a chat and a catch up. I do this with my siblings and family and we enjoy each others company. I find it very sad that you would think this way.

@TwilightPeace I’m sit assuming our great relationship will continue. But I forgot Mumsnet is a place where people don’t actually like their family and anyone who does is “weird” and “overbearing”. So strange for a parenting site.

Just assuming*

why would you speak to your grown up children every day? Surely you have your own life to live and they have their’s

Yes, indeed we do have our own lives, so always have something to talk about. We talk because we love each other and choose to be part of each other’s lives. Not all families are entirely dysfunctional.

Not all younger people are ‘my way or no way, I’ll go NC because you asked what I was doing at the weekend, my life my rules’.
Not all parents are narcissistic, controlling or disinterested.

Strong family bonds are a good thing.

If both sides enjoy a daily phone call then of course there's nothing wrong with it, but you do see many threads here on Mumsnet where people are feeling 'suffocated' by excessive calls from family members.

I am close to my parents and DS but would not feel the need to call them every day, and nor do they feel the need to call me every day. Even during the current situation my elderly mother and I just chat on the phone a couple of times a week, if my DM wanted a daily chat I would call her but about twice a week seems right for us.

But of course, we are all different and what works for some families doesn't work for others.

My children are apart of my life a phone call once a day goes in no way stop me living my life

Yeah, I find statements like that bizarre too. How does a 5 minute phone call mean you "arent living your life"?- I spend more time than that in the shower every day, does showering daily therefore mean "I'm not living my life"?! There are quite a lot of hours in the day to do various different things, its not like we get 5 mins of time a day and then straight back to bed! Its perfectly possible to speak on the phone daily AND have a full and varied life