Are all sons mummy's boys?

[Foodie28]

So I wasn't entirely sure where to post this , I just need a rant really!

My question is are all sons mummy's boys? My boyfriend has lived with me for the past year, he lived with his mum before and so obviously they spent a lot of time together.

He still rings her like twice - three times a week but to her that's not good enough , whenever she answers she says comments like 'have you forgotten me?' Or 'is your phone broken?' I speak to my mum once a week and she doesn't get all funny with me if I don't call one week 😂

She has started giving him and me a bit of the cold shoulder recently we'll actually it's been since we told her I'm pregnant (now 16 weeks) she doesn't ask how I'm getting along or how I am whenever he does speak to her, now I've spoke to a few of my friends about it and they think she's bitter because I've 'taken' away her precious only son.

Can I ask for some opinions if anyone has had this? My partner is 30 by the way!!! 😂

Ive never considered a Mummys Boy as someone who rings their Mum/ has a good relationship with them.i thought it was a degoratory term for a Man that had enmeshed boundaries with his mother where he overshares and needs her permission to make life decisions. These Mothers are usually very insulting/rude towards any potential partners. Very possessive towards their Son , which the son encourages.I dont think how often they are in contact defines whether he is a Mummys Boy but rather the nature of these calls/meetings.

OP life will be so much easier for you if you stop analysing his contact with his mum and her behaviour and the things she says.

Honestly, get to know her, become her friend. I've made mistakes in the past with a mil who had a passive aggressive streak that comes out when she feels threatened. Type of person who doesn't make friends very well.

You and her can bond over her son and your child and life will be so much better for it. Doubt you'll take my advice but honestly, it's worth it.

You can say you've no issue until you're blue in the face but you started a thread on an anonymous forum about it. Because it's bothering you in some way.

And no, 3 times a week isn't much. Lots of people are in very regularly contact thanks to technology these days. Not to mention that we've been in lockdown basically since you found out about your pregnancy, we should be checking in more if anything.

Give her a ring yourself, it'll pay dividends

Why does him calling his mum every day bother you? “When I first moved in he was calling every day” it’s a phone call!! Maybe you’re the possessive one.

If you don't have an issue with it at all, why did you start the tbread?

A man who is close to his mum is generally a good thing.

My dh speaks to his mum every day. She's lovely and so is he. She doesn't interfere and he's not a mummy's boy.

My ex (DS's dad) wasn't. But that was probably because she was an alcoholic, they had a strained relationship.

“When I first moved in he was calling every day”

If you don’t have an issue with it, why have the phone calls reduced?!

Also, and perhaps I am old fashioned, but I think that the onus of the effort should be on the DIL. That’s what I did anyway with my MIL. She is mother who has always been there, and I was a newcomer. I made the bulk of the effort. I think this is normal 🤷🏻‍♀️

My dh speaks to his mum every day. She's lovely and so is he. She doesn't interfere and he's not a mummy's boy

Nice to read

I have four sons. I speak to them weekly, apart from one who needs to speak to me more frequently as he's gone through shit for the past few years.

They love me, they ask my opinions on things, then make their own decisions. They're all grown ups and I respect their decisions.

I've not seen any of them since January due to lockdown, and I miss them loads. I'm hoping to be able to start seeing them this weekend and can't wait.

They're definitely not Mummy's boys. I find that a dreadfully derogatory term.

I hate how the term "Mummy's boy" seems to be applied at times here on MN to men who still have a relationship with their Mum when DIL clearly has an issue with this.

Me too! It’s like men aren’t allowed a good and close relationship with their mum. People see it as the MIL being interfering just for daring to want to be involved in her son’s life. The DIL pulls their face about it... it’s called being under the thumb.
Nobody bats an eyelid at women being close to their mums. It’s just seen as normal happy family life.

I’ve been a DIL. I wasn’t threatened by my ex MIL.

Mine was. When he moved out in his early/mid 20s he didn’t bother buying a washing machine as his mum would wash, dry, and iron all his clothes
He also went over for dinner 6 nights a week!
We had a few serious conversations about it...
She then went much too far when trying to insist on certain things for our wedding.
Now we’re married he speaks to her on the phone once or twice a month and sees her a handful of times a year.

My DH lived with his mum until late in life and it was difficult at the start as she struggled with his change in priorities. Once we moved in together it was fine. He actually said he thinks their relationship has improved. He is bad for phoning her though and I have to give him a nudge if it has been too long, especially at the moment

A man who calls his mum / gran / sister regularly and treats her with respect is more likely to do the same for his female partner. That doesn’t make him a Mummy’s Boy.

A guy being close to his mum is not a bad thing. Maybe she is being a bit 'off' with her comments but if you have a son, I'm sure you'll hope for a close relationship with him in later life too.

I hate how the term "Mummy's boy" seems to be applied at times here on MN to men who still have a relationship with their Mum when DIL clearly has an issue with this.

This. I love that my husband has a great relationship with his mum and calls her a lot. My brothers are very close to my mum and I think that's nice - as do their wives, who are very close to my mum as well. I'd be upset if my son (who is now only 1!) didn't want to speak to me regularly. I'd never involve myself in his relationships, but just because he gets married doesn't mean that any other relationships have to disappear.

That's excessive communication, what do they talk about?
A 10 minute chat on the phone once a fortnight and a visit 4 times a year (bdays, Christmas, Easter) is more than enough, son's or daughters.
Mil sounds like she's guilt tripping him too, not something you want being taught to your child.

Might be fine for you Savingshoes but many families are closer. The less frequently you talk, the less you have to talk about.
We talk big stuff - house purchases, job changes, holidays, Christmas but also the chit chat type conversations. We talk about cooking, dogs, gardens, ordinary everyday things that maintain a closeness with each other’s lives.

My husband and his mother are no longer in contact. Definitely not every man ...but then some women don't deserve the label of "mum"

Nope, my son prefers his dad and whilst my DP has a great relationship with his mum they're not in each other's pockets and she doesn't make snarky comments if they don't speak/see each other for a while!

A couple of things my mother taught me..

A man that loves animals and his mother is a good man.

My husband of 30 years visited his mother every day.

My daughter in law is a lovely woman and has stabilised my son who was a friggin nightmare for many years.

My husband is not a 'mummy's boy's nor is my son. That is really playground language you're using.

Stand your ground and out your own boundaries in place.

I'd never dream of standing on my daughter in law's toes. I respect and admire her as a woman in her own right. I might not always agree with her but I adore her. She loves, respects my son and he does her.

@Savingshoes don’t be so ridiculous. There is nothing “excessive” about speaking to your mother three times a week. Perhaps - shockingly - he just enjoys her company? Your approach to family sounds very dutiful and joyless, with such fixed rules about how often you should speak and visit.

I call my dad more than three times a week, does that make me a daddy’s girl or needy? Or is it just because I love him and enjoy a quick chat???

I have to remind my dh to give his parents a ring. They say before he married me he never rang them.

That's excessive communication, what do they talk about?
A 10 minute chat on the phone once a fortnight and a visit 4 times a year (bdays, Christmas, Easter) is more than enough, son's or daughters

Haha that's mad. And odd. Obviously OK for you but must families are a bit closer than that!

I think visiting your mum every day for 30 years does seem excessive (assuming no caring responsibilities) and shows dependency on both sides.

My DM wouldn’t want me to visit or phone every day, (& she is well over 80) she has her own interests and friends. And I wouldn’t want my own DS to visit or phone every day, I have my own life and he has his ... I don’t need to know every detail of his life.