Are all sons mummy's boys?

[Foodie28]

So I wasn't entirely sure where to post this , I just need a rant really!

My question is are all sons mummy's boys? My boyfriend has lived with me for the past year, he lived with his mum before and so obviously they spent a lot of time together.

He still rings her like twice - three times a week but to her that's not good enough , whenever she answers she says comments like 'have you forgotten me?' Or 'is your phone broken?' I speak to my mum once a week and she doesn't get all funny with me if I don't call one week 😂

She has started giving him and me a bit of the cold shoulder recently we'll actually it's been since we told her I'm pregnant (now 16 weeks) she doesn't ask how I'm getting along or how I am whenever he does speak to her, now I've spoke to a few of my friends about it and they think she's bitter because I've 'taken' away her precious only son.

Can I ask for some opinions if anyone has had this? My partner is 30 by the way!!! 😂

[borntohula]

Definitely not, I've only ever properly known one 'man' who I would call a 'mummy's boy.' I can't imagine any of the men I know needing to speak to their mums 3 times a week!

[Foodie28]

When he first moved in he was calling everyday !

[Fluffybutter]

My dh ,kind of . My ds ,no .
We get on but I would not call him a mummy’s boy

[AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter]

No, they arent.

I completely disagree that ringing his mum 3 times a week makes him a "mummy's boy". There is a huge hypocritical double standard here. I know LOADS of women who speak with their mothers daily yet they arent labelled "mummy's girls", why is it weird for a son to ring his mum but not a daughter?

[Foodie28]

I didn't say it was weird at all

[ineedaholidaynow]

Many women phone their mum every day, I do now she is on her own. I Phoned about every 3 days when DF was still alive. People don't seem to have a problem when it is a daughter/mother relationship. It's not being a mummy's boy but his mum is a problem.

[AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter]

People don't seem to have a problem when it is a daughter/mother relationship

Exactly! I find it really sexist that men are labelled mummies boys for ringing their mother- why? are men supposed to be too tough to want to talk to their mum or something? I cant see how this double standard came about unless it has roots in some sexist BS which labels men as "weak" for loving and speaking with their mum, whilst for women its considered "normal".

[MerryDeath]

no! neither my DH or my boys. my DH does have a couple of brothers who really like their mum to be in close contact.

[Buyitinbamboo]

Thought this was going to be about babies/young children. Was going to say yes probably. Adult men, not so much!

My DP speaks to him mum about 5 times a week though! He isn't a mummy's boy, she mainly asks about the DC

[Fisharefriendstoo]

My DP is an only son and speaks to his mum (and dad) a few times a week - every day since lockdown I think- but I wouldn’t call him a ‘mummy’s boy’ in a derogatory way. She probably makes them comments too. But then I speak to my mum and sisters every day, sometimes several times a day, so what are we?

She is also obsessed with our DS and loves him a lot and he adores them. I can’t recall if she asked about me whilst pregnant constantly but I assume she would expect DP to tell her if I weren’t? I never got a vibe she was unhappy like you have though!

As a mother of soon to be 2 boys I would hope that my DS’s keep in touch with me when they’re grown and I don’t get pushed out just because I’m the paternal side. I At least know DP will raise them that way because of how good he is to his mum. Something to think about if your baby is a boy!! Congratulations x

[PositiveVibez]

I think the issue here is that you don't like his mum.

It doesn't sound excessive to call her 2-3 times a week.

[CherryPavlova]

Our son phones most days when he’s home. Sometimes his girlfriend is on the call and sometimes not.
Our daughter phones every day usually. Sometimes her fiancé is on the call and sometimes not. Sometimes he phones without her.
It’s generally nice to be in contact. We rarely phone them and let them decide if they want to talk. It’s usually nothingness, just offloading their work days.

I’d be a bit less than enthusiastic if my children were expecting within 6 months of moving in together.

[SimonJT]

I speak to the person I call Mum most days, sometimes it’s a long chat, other times we just check in on each other. I’d much rather be accused of being a ‘mummys boy’ than someone who only bothers calling a few times a month.

[ParkheadParadise]

My sister has 5 boys. I don't think any of them are mummy's boys. Although all of them are very close to her. She also have a good relationship with her dil's.

[Twigletfairy]

My husband isn't. He has a close relationship with his mum, he will always be there for her. Some weeks he speaks to her multiple times a week, other weeks they barely speak.

I have never openly butted heads with her. She is a nice enough lady most of the time and always tries to make everyone feel welcome. There have been multiple times that I've had to bite my lip though. Snide little comments that seem to just slip out, judgy remarks while she is still smiling at you, that kind of thing. But I don't have the time or energy to give a shit.

When I had my babies she never asked how I was. She would ask my husband how the baby was doing, but that's it. When I had my first baby I didnt want to go over theirs for dinner as I was feeling rough and just wanted to stay home and cuddle my baby. She told my husband 'you can just bring the baby over and leave twigletfairy at home, it's only the baby we want to see after all'. I stopped making the effort after that

[iswhois]

I think a lot more men are than we would like to think.

Did he live with her alone before or with siblings/dad?

[Freddiefox]

@LagunaBubbles

I hate how the term "Mummy's boy" seems to be applied at times here on MN to men who still have a relationship with their Mum when DIL clearly has an issue with this.

I agree and often used when the wife or girlfriend have a problem. I call my mum quite often. Lots of people keep up and regular level of contact with their parents, and just because it isn’t the level that you think is ok doesn’t make it wrong or her possessive. Maybe he is happy with that level.
I wonder if you and your friends
Would say the same of he was female?
And I wonder if you are making a drama out of nothing.
But mumsnet rarely has anything positive to say about mil’s.

[Foodie28]

He lived with his mum, dad, and his sister and her son who is 6.

I absolutely have no issue with his mum at all.

[crispysausagerolls]

As a mother of one son, another on the way, these threads make me so sad/angry.

It’s so fucking unfair that if I maintain a close relationship with my babies as they grow into men, they will somehow run the risk of being labelled “mummy’s boys” as if it’s the worst thing in the world.

Some people are wrong in the head. I have a MIL from hell so I do understand how it can be, but come the fuck on - the desire to be close to your mother is fine for males or females. Actually it’s nice if it’s a functional relationship.

[DontStandSoCloseToMe]

DH used to go weeks or months without speaking to his mother, not for any specific reason he just didn't think there was a need unless he had something specific to say to her. I pointed out to him that it upset her to only hear from him a few times a year and that he needed to up his game with birthdays etc. He has and their contact was probably around monthly until we had DS and now she looks after him once a week and we have a family WhatsApp group, since lockdown we video call at least once a week so she can keep in touch with DS. I think it's very sad that if a woman has a close relationship with her mother is seen as wonderful, yet if a man does he's labelled a mummy's boy. Unless his relationship is to the detriment of other aspects of his life I don't see what the issue is and I certainly hope DS doesn't marry someone who thinks he shouldn't have a close relationship with me.

[Oysterbabe]

My son is mummy's boy but he's only 2. I personally hope he never grows out of loving a cuddle with his mummy. My husband has a close and normal adult relationship with his mum.

[phoenixrosehere]

• I think the issue here is that you don't like his mum.
  
  It doesn't sound excessive to call her 2-3 times a week.*
  
  I don’t think it is the amount of times his mum calls, but her comments about it as well as her lack of concern for OP and her next grandchild.

[Foodie28]

There's really no need to swear, but ok I get your frustration

[Phoebesgift]

Foodie I'd take exception to his mother if she's been cold and disinterested towards you. What is done is done. You're 4 months pregnant with her grandchild. She should be very nice to you!

[Ragwort]

My DH wasn't (DMIL since died), I used to keep in contact with her far more than DH did (I genuinely got on well with her).

My brothers certainly aren't and neither is my DS.

There is a difference between co-dependency and having a good relationship. I see plenty of women who are co-dependent on their mothers and vice/versa.