DH’s ‘me time’

[toastlover100]

I have been getting huffy because of the increasing amount of time DH spends gaming/playing guitar/dossing each evening.

I asked him after dinner if we could do our joint hobby together this evening.

His response is that he would do it after his ‘me time’, which he requires 2+ hours each evening. Fine.

It’s got me thinking, AIBU to think that this is a red flag that if we have kids I will be doing the vast majority of the parenting and associated drudge work?

my downtime is now doing the dishes with a podcast on!

DH does that! He doesn't like it when I help him, because he can't listen to his podcasts.

deydododatdodontdeydo

That's exactly what I do too! DH gets confused when I order everyone out of the kitchen so i can listen to audible

Tbh anyone who wouldn't let me have time on my own would be a big red flag to me. I would feel they were needy and controlling. The chores issue is a red herring and seperate to the fact the guy wants to be on his own.

Presumably you are both spending significant times at home. Having a couple of hours to yourself is entirely reasonable. Maybe, just maybe he's not that into this shared hobby.

And it's not a 'red flag'. At all.

Would it be unreasonable to take one evening off from playing a computer game? No I don't think so.

Perhaps he had mentally allocated the time to guitar practice or whatever, and didn't want to do the hobby tonight.
Context is needed really, are you both WFH, spending loads of time together?
If my DP got huffy with me because I didn't want to do what they wanted, when they wanted, I'd be seeing red flags.
You've no dc, the world is a weird place, let the man alone to have a few hours to himself.

We spend most evenings together at the moment (once dc are asleep) but schedule an evening a week to do stuff apart.

He'll still be expecting his 'me time' when you have DC and it will coincide with you making dinner, bathing the DC and doing bedtime

How do you know this ?
Before dc, I was out doing something every night. Surely that's the time in your life when you do get to do what you want in the evenings ? .
Obviously, when dc1 was born, then we had to work out a very different path for ourselves, but having interests and things you want to do with, or without your partner, when you have the freedom to do so, doesn't mean you aren't going to make changes when dc arrive.

You are making a HUGE leap there - I don't know, possibly projecting one experience and assuming life is the same for everyone ?

People who are suggesting OP looks at the relationship boards do realise that people post there when there is an issue with their relationship, don't you ?
The 'silent majority' don't start threads to say "We had a nice, ordinary week again over this last week" "Nothing to see here" "I've got no gripes about my relationship" "As usual, my partner and I have both contributed fairly to this relationship"

Not enough information to give an answer.

Sounds fine to me in theory. But I agree that if you feel the 'mental load' already it will 100% get worse when you have kids.

Have you talked to him about how he thinks your lives will change once you have kids?

What exact is your joint hobby ?

He does 40-50% ish of chores etc... sometimes it takes a gentle nudge though! Still feel like I have that classic wife work mental load though.

Fuck that don't have kids with him,

Still feel like I have that classic wife work mental load though.

Push back on that one. Divide up some of those tasks so they are entirely his responsibility. Don't remind him. Let him fail. If you stop bailing him out, he'll learn to remember these things.

So if it's his job to keep the bathroom stocked up with shampoo, soap, toilet roll etc and there's no loo roll in the house because he forgot to put it on the shopping list, he will be the one rushing out to the shop to buy it.