Would you also find this unattractive?

[XEAXii]

I have posted about this before but name changes before anyone calls me out on it.

DP owns house with ex and is so reluctant to push the sale forward. It’s now been ongoing for four months with no sense of urgency on his part. There are a few bits outstanding from his solicitor but he refuses to call them, only sends emails if pushed as he believes this is the job of the estate agent. His ex gf has not been involved in the sale whatsoever; he says he is too busy to chase it (he isn’t) and when I asked why his ex couldn’t also chase up he just shrugged at me. They’ve been broken up for years and don’t have any contact so it’s not because he wants her back. He’s either scared to pick up the phone or he thinks he shouldn’t have to get involved.

I know it’s not my business even though it means we can never buy a property together as he’s got about 100k tied up in this sale. (I own my house and he lives here).

But I’m actually finding his attitude towards it very unattractive and this whole ‘it’s the estate agents fault’ instead of just sorting it out is so different to my own attitude I’m finding it hard not to lose my temper with him and wondering if we’re not compatible. I honestly don’t understand why in the current economic climate he is not pushing to get this completed ASAP.

Am I being unreasonable here? Or would you also be telling him to grow a pair?

Sounds like his ex is fed up doing things for him which is why that relationship failed. You are now getting fed up. You have to decide whether you are happy to be the get up and go person in this partnership moving forward. I always did everything to do with moving house OH always said he was too busy so I just cracked on with things. This is your future, if you are happy with that then that is fine. If it eventually grinds you down that is not so good.

OP, I don't get why it is your business or what the rush is..... if you are not looking to buy another house for two years or so, then who cares how quickly this is done? I assume as he is contributing to your living costs, you are saving money meanwhile, while you live together, and it doesn't affect any immediate plans... Yet you sound really het up about it?

It sounds a bit controlling.... you just need him to approach getting the task done the way you would.... just because you assume your way is better?

Sorry if I have missed something, but just as you find his prevaricating unattractive, I think he would find your intrusion and pushing on a process you are not directly involved with pretty unattractive too.

Op he’s doing you a favour surely because he will have somewhere to go when you finally get sick of his prevarication.

Of course estate agents won't chase legal stuff : it's up to the seller/buyer. I'd find his level of apathy annoying but it is up to him and his ex. Your so-called nagging isn't having much effect. Is there a hidden agenda? Maybe you need a clearer arrangement with him e.g. rent which means he can't just sit back and have all his money tied up. Even with poor interest rates he'd be better off with the money invested surely.

Either he is a very chilled guy with no sense of urgency or he is not too invested in your relationship. I think you will encounter the same behaviour from him in the future if you get your own place together. Keep an open mind l would say.

I'd have to wonder if he is having second thoughts about your relationship, enough so he's dragging his feet so he doesn't 'have' to buy a house with you while he's reconsidering it.

How long have you been seeing each other?

I’m worry that he gets angry when you try to talk about it to the extent you don’t want to bring it up. You should have to feel that way OP, either he’s massively lazy & you’ll end up being his mum (yuk) or there is something else going on- either way your probably best off out of it as soon as possible. It’s sad, but you’re not compatible.

I'd be very cautious at this point

just get it fucking done kind of person.

I was like that and for ages, would pick up things and show him how to do it efficiently and effectively.

Turns out, it isn't much fun to be the only one who can ever get stuff done. In retrospect, I wish I had stayed the way we were, each with our own place.

How much is his financial contribution? Does he make up for the loss of your income from your previous lodger. If joy, how about asking him to make up the difference.

He doesn't currently really have any motivation to get the house sorted.

Im too scared to ever bring it up as immediately he gets defensive and angry
You have more than a not selling his house problem. Have a think about other aspects of your relationship. How much goes his way rather than what both of you want?

Dp did this when we first got together. His ex was still living in their flat. No kids. He moved in with me so no hurry for him to sort it.

I put him out - he went to his Mum's. Sharp made him sort it out!

Im too scared to ever bring it up as immediately he gets defensive and angry

Run, he is taking the kids but gets offended about it? Ha, get him out and no, don’t even consider buying a house together with him. Ever!

He gets angry, well yep he is hanging to his assets whilst being a lodger, you are being conned. So sorry.