Joining someone else in the queue/special needs AIBU

[sunflowery]

Before I start I just want to say this happened in my hometown and I was only with DH, so not taking the piss out of the lockdown rules!

We went for a walk along the seafront earlier and the ice cream van was there so we got in the queue behind about six other people. A group of three adults came up to the man in front of us and joined him in the queue. They were chatting away.

I was a bit but quickly noticed that two of the three had special needs and the third was obviously the carer so I thought better about pointing out that there was a queue. Especially as for all I knew he could have been buying for all of them anyway.

But then they got to the front and the original man went up and ordered and the other three stayed in the queue, and then all went and ordered and paid separately after he’s finished and walked off! So basically we had to wait for three extra people to be served.

I really wanted to say something but DH told me not to as they had special needs (even though their carer instigated it). But I keep thinking that I should have said something.

So were they being unreasonable and rude or were we right to let it go?

Let it go. It’s happened. It’s in the past.

You were right to let it go.

YANBU.
It may be appropriate in some circumstances for some people with certain disabilities to 'queue' away from the actual queue with one member of the group holding the space in the queue, but in such circumstances the rest of the group should be in the general vicinity of the queue throughout (such as on a nearby bench) in a way that it is obvious to others in the queue that they have been waiting like everyone.

The support worker was probably trying to encourage and support independence when it comes to money management.

You were right to let it go.

It was taking the piss. The support worker should've joined the back of the queue.

As above, it will be an exercise is managing independence and practising life skills. Many people can manage paying for something but carnt manage queues. A little tolerance from others goes a long way.

You were right to let it go. Imagine being "that person" piping up about a minor annoyance involving special needs people. Thank you for being so kind about it, despite it being annoying and unfair - there are other people in this world that would have had a right go.

Your DH was right, I’m pleased he made you think twice.
Even people with additional needs have the right to buy an ice cream, and be supported to do so. There’s a reason that fast-track and queue-jumping permits are available for those who need them at theme parks.

This would not bother me in the slightest. I’ve had a few people jump in front of me in the queue at my local supermarket (who clearly don’t have SN) over the last few weeks and I just think ah well. If they’re incapable of being patient and waiting their turn like the rest of us then that is their issue. They clearly haven’t developed the relevant social skills that most of us have.

Their carer probably a support worker queued for them as they cannot. They then needed to pay individually. They were all there before you but because they couldn’t join the queue you were unaware.

Honestly OP, they had SN, cut them some slack. It really didn't seem to take much extra time? Lockdown has been a rough time for everyone, but as a parent of a child with SN who relies very heavily on daily routines it has been spectacularly bad.

I definitely would have said yes if either the original man (who wasn’t with them btw as he walked off in a different direction after) or the carer had asked if they could cut in.

Just seemed a little strange to act as if we weren’t even there. But clearly AIBU

Well I wouldn't assume I could just go to the from of a queue with my disabled child but realistically there were six people in the queue how long could you have been waiting really?

Sometimes acting as if the public isn’t there, or not engaging them in conversation is safer and more effective than the alternative.

I’m not sure if I’ve got this straight.

Two carers, two disabled people. One carer queued while the other carer supervised the two disabled people who couldn’t wait in the queue.

When the first carer reached the head of the queue, the rest of his group joined him.

I think that’s fine. If they require that level of care they probably can’t queue, and probably can’t be left alone.

@ChocolatelyAsFuck no I don’t think the man who was stood there first was a carer or that they were even together as after he was served he walked off by himself. I think the carer might have just known him IYSWIM.

And does it really matter in the great scheme of things that you had to wait a few extra minutes for an ice cream?

X2boys may all her worries be soooo small.

Oh, okay.

Still if the two men couldn’t stand in a queue and also couldn’t safely be left alone, I’m not sure whether other option the carer had except to get someone to queue for him.

Maybe Midsummer😂

It probably made them feel happy to order their own, and might have been the only time they've been out for ages. And didn't make any difference whether they'd been with the carer in the queue or not.

@x2boys no course not! But do half the things anyone posts on AIBU really matter? Was just wondering the etiquette.

The carer wouldn't be asking anyone if they minded because it is of course ok but some people are unreasonable and would say no/ make comments about special treatment etc and why would the carer lay themselves open to that

The etiquette is to allow reasonable adjustments for people with a disability. Obviously not a law in an ice cream queue but it’s the right thing to do.

I am a support worker and have never queue jumped when with the people i support, he should have asked but i wouldnt have said anything if i had been you