Joining someone else in the queue/special needs AIBU

[sunflowery]

Before I start I just want to say this happened in my hometown and I was only with DH, so not taking the piss out of the lockdown rules!

We went for a walk along the seafront earlier and the ice cream van was there so we got in the queue behind about six other people. A group of three adults came up to the man in front of us and joined him in the queue. They were chatting away.

I was a bit but quickly noticed that two of the three had special needs and the third was obviously the carer so I thought better about pointing out that there was a queue. Especially as for all I knew he could have been buying for all of them anyway.

But then they got to the front and the original man went up and ordered and the other three stayed in the queue, and then all went and ordered and paid separately after he’s finished and walked off! So basically we had to wait for three extra people to be served.

I really wanted to say something but DH told me not to as they had special needs (even though their carer instigated it). But I keep thinking that I should have said something.

So were they being unreasonable and rude or were we right to let it go?

Why does it really matter?

Does this remind anyone of the inbetweeners?

Yep the inbetweeners was my first thought brilliant

YANBU to question what happened but you're right to let it go.

Some people do take the piss. He (the carer) could have gone to the back of the queue with them but he saw someone he knew and took advantage. He queue jumped deliberately. CF! The other two with SN did nothing wrong and because of them I would not say anything.

Thank your husband very much for preventing you from being Will from the Inbetweeners

You'd have really upset and embarrassed them, and possibly done some damage to their self-esteem.

How could the carer have asked without breaking confidentiality?
Very petty.

He (the carer) could have gone to the back of the queue with them but he saw someone he knew and took advantage

Or be minimised the time his charges were without him.

OP, you are right in that most of the posts in AIBU don’t matter.

I remember coming home after a shit day at work, walking through the aftermath of a riot, coming home late to my two children with additional needs and then spending an hour on the phone with my distraught SIL
Why was she distraught you ask? Because the hand-crafted Italian tiles she’d ordered for her third bathroom were the wrong shade of dusky rose!
She thought I was breathless with outrage, but I was crying with laughter and hiding it. Because her day had been ruined. And it was exactly the sort of surreal frippery I needed to end my day.
It’s often why I like AIBU.

I think you did the right thing by listening to DH and letting it go, obviously you can see it's a minor thing in the scheme of things.

I just can't help wondering how a thread would go if somebody came on and said 'Was I BU to stand in front of somebody else in a queue without asking them as I was with two people with disabilities'.

I think the general consensus would be 'you probably should have been polite and just asked first' 🤷‍♀️

Also, the man the carer knew in the queue should have let them go ahead of him too, if it's important that they don't wait too long in a queue due to their disabilities. That would have made more sense, short of them going straight to the front.

Were you in the queue or so socially distanced that it looked like you were loitering? They just might not have realised.

@StatisticalSense, the added in problem at the moment is that some people can't socially distance and are vulnerable. New guidance was asked for, for those with LDs, because this situation is impossible for some groups and they should have the same experiences as any of us do.

Why would you be so petty as to possibly spoil their whole day? And tbh, if i saw you do it, I'd say to you what the carer couldn't because she is at work being responsible for vulnerable people.

I see I'm not the first person to think of the inbetweeners!
("...ignorant arseholes...I'm the worst person in the world")

The etiquette is to think to yourself ''there but for the grace of god go I'' and let it go.

Given they could all get served individually and pay themselves, yes, OP, I think YANBU, they should have queued behind you.

Just because someone knows how to ask for something they want and can hand over money doesn't mean they can cope with queueing especially at the moment.

And that is precisely the sort of ignorance the carer will have to deal with.

Then the carer should have explained to OP perhaps.

Didn’t need to, her husband explained to her.

@TheInebriati. There but for the grace of god ...... what do you mean? Should the OP be thankful she doesn't have SN? I hope I've picked you up wrong

OP you did right by not saying anything but the carer was cheeky. They saw an acquaintance and squeezed in. But I wouldn't have said anything.

@Midsummer no he didn’t.

We live in a society that is becoming increasingly more accepting of the fact that there are those among us with hidden disabilities, and rightly so.

For that reason, somebody caring for people with 'obvious' special needs shouldn't assume another person has none. The carer asking would have been the right thing to do.

As it stands, OP didn't 'ruin anybody's day' just came on MN to ask for advice about a perceived slight, so no harm no foul.

I think queuing is an important life skill, so it would have been better if the carer had either encouraged them to queue properly or apologized to you. However, I wouldn’t have said anything. It doesn’t sound like you were in a rush, so it’s just one of those things.

The carer took the piss. I would have said something when I realised they wasn't paying together.

"I think queuing is an important life skill, so it would have been better if the carer had either encouraged them to queue properly"

They are adults not children. It will already be known that they can't cope with queueing.