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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help! Anyone ! The local police just called me

982 replies

Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme · 24/05/2020 01:53

Exactly that - my DH went out when I was washing up and have not heard from him since . That was about 830-9. Eight minutes ago a woman rang me and said that he was at the local police station , they couldn't say why and that he was fine. That he would call me in the morning . I can't speak to him he is asleep and no one is hurt and he is ok but they could not ring earlier as they have been busy . What does this even mean ??? Why would they call to say that ? Am panicked and thinking up alsorts and unlikely to sleep now . Can anyone help me ? Please xx

OP posts:
Clymene · 24/05/2020 07:34

I'm so sorry OP. It sounds utterly miserable. I hope this is a wake up call for you to kick this useless waste of space out.

AlltheRs · 24/05/2020 07:36

Hope you are long asleep op- just joining the support for you, and to say ignore the clearly unhappy/angry poster who was targeting you!
This ^^

Please don't get sidetracked by a keyboard warrior, you need to focus on your actual situation. Wish you strength, a clear mind and luck.

Grilledaubergines · 24/05/2020 07:39

*Chinchinatti

Maybe different with the Met*

For the MET it’s exactly the same. Google gives the number, as elsewhere in the country.

DontStandSoCloseToMe · 24/05/2020 07:40

OP drink drive is a police charging decision not CPS so he could potentially be bailed if there's nothing more to it, eg assault PC refusal to be breathalysed and admits it peacefully (you did say he's an arrogant drink so who knows how he responded to being stopped), courts are only processing high risk of serious harm and remand cases at the moment so he'd be given a future court date.
There is an option that no one seems to have mentioned and that is that he was already wanted/of police interest for something else and just decided to have a skinful before handing himself in, that I've seen many a time. Unusual to have yourself in the middle of a bank holiday though, it's usually Sunday night for a normal week.

DontStandSoCloseToMe · 24/05/2020 07:41

Oh and ignore Chincinatti -clueless. In an area you can call 101 and get out through to a particular custody suite

Stingeray · 24/05/2020 07:41

Glad he didnt hurt anyone. OP you sound way too good for him and in a horrible situation. I know others will tell you to leave him but in all honesty the idea of leaving my children in his sole care for any length of time would stop me. I would read him the riot act and try to support him through using this as a turning point for him to change his behaviour.

Samtsirch · 24/05/2020 07:43

OP I am sorry you are going through this.
Try to stay strong for your self and your children.

showmewhatyougot · 24/05/2020 07:48

Oh wow, hope you managed to get at least a little rest in the night. How worrying, hope everything is ok x

TwistyHair · 24/05/2020 07:49

So sorry you’re going through all this. Hopefully the situation becomes clearer soon so it’s no hanging over you.

pictish · 24/05/2020 07:53

Oh OP you have my sympathy. You poor thing.
What an absolute fool your dh is...what on earth made him think it was ok to get in that car and drive? He truly must have thought he wouldn’t be caught. Well now he knows.
I am so sorry he has brought this shit to your door. Nightmare.

And Phrowzunn - horrible post there, sitting in judgement over the OP as if you have a clue about any of it or them, bringing her kids into it, trying to make OP feel pressure and shame to do as you say. Awful.

Grilledaubergines · 24/05/2020 07:54

OP, the shame is not yours to have.

Your OH’s actions could have resulted in injury or death of someone. Any remorse and/or shame is meaningless. It’s pity for himself because he got caught.

When you’re able to deal, you’ll know what you need to do. Flowers

TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead · 24/05/2020 07:55

What a loser he is

No excuse

I would probably work on an exit strategy if my DH did this

Fluffycloudland77 · 24/05/2020 07:55

Tbh he sounds a mill stone round your neck.

pictish · 24/05/2020 07:57

Can people stop telling to OP how to conduct her marriage please?

Shoxfordian · 24/05/2020 08:00

Don't be ashamed op, you've done nothing wrong

thedancingbear · 24/05/2020 08:04

^I am a lawyer.
www.sentencingcouncil.org.uk/offences/magistrates-court/item/excess-alcohol-driveattempt-to-drive-revised-2017/

I would expect a ban of 18 months to two years. He can do a course which reduces the length (by a third) of it, but you have to pay for it.
There will also be a fine and costs to pay.^

Ta, this is interesting.

It's really disappointing to learn that even multiple drink driving offences won't land you in prison, and you could be back on the road in a year.

Your DH is a fucking cunt, OP. Get rid.

YgritteSnow · 24/05/2020 08:04

My ex H was pulled over for drink driving, he was over the limit but not hugely, he was arrested and taken into custody and then released within three hours, I know this because I was in the car with him - didn't know he was over the limit - and I then went and waited at the station for him.

@Chinchinatti I haven't been able to read all your posts but what I can see seems to be repeatedly wrong and has done nothing but add to OPs stress. Most unnecessary.

OP, get rid of this man. My ex was only my boyfriend when he got done for dd and that turned out to be only the first time... I wish I had finished it on the spot because he put us through absolute hell as a family over the next decade.

ScrumptiousBears · 24/05/2020 08:06

Hopefully the Op maybe getting a bit of sleep. What a twat of a husband.

fretamanger · 24/05/2020 08:07

He's been so reckless! I'm sorry op but he deserves to be punished.

I hope you are sleeping now. You and your dc do deserve better than this.

LittleRa · 24/05/2020 08:08

So sorry OP, and hope you’re ok. My now ex-DH was arrested for drink driving- well he crashed into the central reservation of a dual carriageway at 3am and totalled his car. I had been at my parents that night, got home the next morning to find him feeling very sorry for himself on the sofa. We’d been married 4 months and I found out I was pregnant with a planned for baby around 2 weeks later. He got a 13 month ban, did a course and fine I can’t remember exactly how much but possibly £600. I had to get my Dad to drive me to the hospital in labour, and drive us and newborn DD home. It was the beginning of the end (amongst other stuff) and we have now been separated nearly 3 years and I have a lovely new partner.

EarringsandLipstick · 24/05/2020 08:08

@Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme

I'm so sorry for what you are facing into. Your H has major issues, and appears deeply unpleasant and really destroying your life.

You've a lot to process at the moment. Have you family / friends you can talk to?

Only you can decide what to do about your marriage, and you haven't asked us about that. I'll only say that you could ask him to leave at the moment to give you some space.

Sending you strength & love ❤️

Frokni · 24/05/2020 08:08

Just scanned the thread.

Sorry to hear your DH has put you through all this. Don't do anything while angry of course. I agree with PP though, he should be sleeping in the garden shed, not your marital bed right now! Is there anyone else you can call on for support?

Flowers good luck OP

SunshineCake · 24/05/2020 08:13

I'm so sorry *@Mydoghasbettereyebrowsthanme. Your husband is a complete dickhead and today needs to be all about your needs, your children's needs and your plans for the future.

pictish · 24/05/2020 08:15

Oh and btw all you marriage advisors, the OP will simply abandon the thread if you keep on telling her how she ought to proceed.
If you want to see how this pans out, don’t scare the OP off by insisting she LTB or by suggesting she’s damaging her kids if she doesn’t. It’s not helpful.

loutypips · 24/05/2020 08:15

Just catching up on this- bloody hell! Men can be such idiots!