To ask if you can just be a bit depressed sort of all all of time ?

[SoupsYouSir]

Im feeling a bit meh at the moment and I know that I'll be fine in a few days or whatever but it got me thinking. I think I've always been a bit low like even in happier times . I'm sort of expecting the next shit show so I don't really embrace and immerse myself in the happy times in life.

I don't think I have depression. I don't know- maybe low level or something. I don't know if I'm making any sense tbh!

I’m a bit like this. DP calls me Eeyore. He’s definitely Tigger

If I think about it, I’m probably one sentence away from bursting into tears most of the time, so I do pretty well to keep it under wraps tbh!

You certainly can, there's even a name for it - dysthymia.

Yeah it makes sense. It could be that you are lacking some kind of nutrient eg Vitamin D, could be hormones, could be that you are wanting things to be different but you don’t know how so subconsciously you have given up on trying. Could be lots of things. I had a similar feeling about life, and really started trying to cut out the things I didn't want, work on myself internally- am in counselling now- eating healthy, exercising etc. I’m probably about 4 years into the process and am starting to really see a change in my perception so its a long term thing and you have to keep trying.

Or, it could be something completely different for you :)

I'm like this, have been for as long as I can remember, even as a child.

I can live with it, it's better than the raging anxiety that I have had at other points in life, that i definitely cannot cope with long term.

I can relate to this. I was going to say Dysthmia too. I've been on antidepressants for years, which helps, along with running.

I think I know what you mean, today has been bad, actually the whole week has for various reasons. I don’t think I’m in full blow depression as I’ve been there and can tell the difference.

But the generally feeling of meh and wanting to sleep for a week so my head can stop spinning/overthinking is definately there.

@ViciousJackdaw and @LuckyBitches - that's interesting. I was going to say anhedonia which I used to suffer from, where you just don't have joy in anything. It's mild but relentless - you just don't care about anything and things that you used to enjoy no longer help. But what OP is describing is different. I've never even heard of dysthymia.

I’m exactly the same OP. I’ve been like it ever since I was a child.

The happiest moments of my life, I’ve never really a savoured or enjoyed them. If ANYTHING good happens to me daren’t ever feel happy about it as I’m worried it’ll tempt fate and bring something bad my way. Equally, whatever good things happen to me in life, they’re never enough, I always then want something else.

I don’t really know how to be completely happy if that makes sense?!

Yea I forgot to mention that I've been like this since a very young child. I don't really have happy memories of my childhood. It was pretty shit tbh. Maybe this has programmed me to not enjoy life. I don't know.

*monkeyonthetable" im going to look that word up. Even things like "what things do you enjoy" I don't really have much at all. As a child I didn't even have any hobbies. I remember reading and being told off by my father for wasting time.

SummerMeadows29 I know exactly what you're talking about. When things are good I don't get too carried away with the happiness as I expect it all to turn to shit. If anything if everything is all cool and dandy it makes me feel uneasy.

I’m like this too probably not been properly happy since I was about 13 . Even things that should make me happy like holidays or my football team winning I just feel a bit meh about . Always get told off for not smiling or never showing much enthusiasm about anything .

As a child I didn't even have any hobbies. I remember reading and being told off by my father for wasting time.

I'm sorry. This is sad, and most likely the root of your problems. It sounds like you weren't allowed to develop interests or passions, as it got dismissed as an unworthy pastime.

Is there anything you enjoy doing now, even a little bit? What gives you the most pleasure, even if it's only flickering?

Me too , I feel kind of permanently emotionally numb which is better than raging anxiety but I wish I could be more emotionally in tune.

I'm sort of expecting the next shit show so I don't really embrace and immerse myself in the happy times in life

So it might just be a product of your thought process. I am fighting "expecting the next shit show," but it's seductive b/c it makes me feel like I'm protecting myself...

Stumbled across this and intrigued since I never heard of anhedonia or dsythymia.
Cant work out which I have but probably more the latter as I couldnt ever get interested in anything since a teenager - happy enough childhood but just never happy after age 14. Not majorly depressed either.

I am an Eeyore as a pp best described! DH/kids are pooh bears. I feel like i don't matter and nothing really matters.

Exercise/walking helps but it's to feel pain and exhaustion and help me sleep.

It's difficult when always feeling slightly numb or slightly depressed is your default as you have no memories or frame of reference of an alternative. I grew up in a strict and critical household and it's really hard to shake the 'lizard brain' factor. CBT can be useful and helpful to a point, but it doesn't get rid of the 'meh' factor in my experience.

Logically I know having hobbies I enjoy and taking time out to relax is a good thing for my mental health. I'll spend time working on a project then look back on it some time later and have no recollection of the process of making it and it's just another thing that happened in life. I may as well have bought said item in a shop for the emotional connection I don't have to it! Conversely I'll speak to people who are passionate about their hobbies and whilst I think good for them, I can't relate to that feeling of accomplishment they seem to experience.

Yes. I get the low lows, the medium lows, the okays, even very occasionally the quite nice reallys but not ever the happys.
In my case it's part brain chemistry part cynicism of age.

My childhood was normal, I have always struggled to connect with other people though and think that's part of my problem.

I have to keep my world quite small or my anxiety kicks in.

Gosh, I thought I was alone in being like this. You've described it perfectly OP. I think I've got this condition mildly, but I can relate. I had a good childhood, plenty of activities and hobbies as well. I was loved and cared for, but our father left us at an early age and DM had to care for us on her own. I think your childhood has a huge effect on you and can effect the way you cope in adulthood. Over the years I've made myself behave/react differently, which has made me feel a bit more positive about things, but I do sometimes think why bother, really.

Interesting to see that some of you had happy childhoods but feel like this as adults. I had a very critical and strict upbringing too. 34Stefoscope* We were all regularly hit and occasionally DM too. I'm constantly worried I'm fucking my.kids up too.

I'm very interested to hear of dysthymia. I thought the way I feel was because of my personality/character and could never understand why I feel like this. I've been through CBT, recommended by GP for the panic attacks I was having. I've also had some counselling, not related to this, but probably accountable in some way. I did suggest to my counsellor that maybe I have a personality disorder, which she thought unlikely. So glad you posted OP and I hope things improve for you. I think I'll be investigating this further.

Same.. I always thought it was a personality quirk (introversion, overthinking, less outwardly emotional)

Yes, I've always felt like this. I would love to be properly happy, but I never am. I'd no idea it had a name, I thought I was just miserable

I've had this for periods a couple of times - if it's not 'normal' for you (and perhaps even if it is) then it's worth thinking about whether there could be a specific cause. In my case the first time it was being on Dianette, more recently it was when I started to have hypothyroidism.