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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think most property owners don’t understand how hard it now is to buy a house

999 replies

Boredfromboredshire · 22/05/2020 20:15

DP and me earn 40k between us and our rent is 1200 a month for a 3 bed house. We don’t have rich relatives, we are in our early 40’s and circumstances (ill health) meant that we didn’t buy a house before. We can’t save a deposit & houses are expensive by us. We have stable jobs & our kids are happy so moving in the current uncertain time’s isn’t an option. Life has happened to us & some of it has been out it control.

Cue well meaning friend (who bought their house for peanuts) asking me why we couldn’t afford a house when we could get a house in a cheaper area for ‘only’ 400k. I’m so fed up of it. We really want a home of our own & we would move but in the current recession, it’s not a good idea to give up a job. And we can’t afford to save. My friend (whose deposit was 12k can’t understand it and looks on pityingly while telling me the house they bought for 120k is now worth 700k.

For many of us, the housing market is closed for ever. I’m so tired of the pity and the complete cluelessness- I quite often feel utter despair about it. It makes me feel such a failure for no real fault of our own. Some people were lucky because they happened to buy at a particular month in time & then some of us couldn’t & it’s over.

I don’t think people who own really understand what it’s like. Low interest rates, cheap mortgages, everything weighted in favour of owners while renters are treated like the Victorian poor.

Aibu to be sick of it. We are a normal family in normal jobs.

OP posts:
Xenia · 23/05/2020 12:30

We have family in Huddersield (or near it) which is a place mentioned above and you can live there and work in one of the cities in that area perfectly well. Also my doctor sibling works in Leeds and I am from Newcastle. it is not that the north is an utter wasteland. Loads of BBC employees live in Salford etc.

In 2020 the same couple were in 1984 can buy the same house we bought out here in zone 5 London in the same careers - full time head of department teacher and London lawyer buying before babies and both working full time.

TazSyd · 23/05/2020 12:30

We were talking about Barrow and Blackpool - it’s states that in the posts you replied to - both well documented drug problems. I grew up near one and a nice girl from school went to prison for supplying drugs. She got mixed up with the wrong boyfriend and her parents didn’t know anything about it, until she was arrested.

I’d rather rent in Oxford than move back to either of those.

DC1JackieReid · 23/05/2020 12:34

I say I moved town, but if you know my hometown you’d know that was a bonus 😂 if it’d been nice I may have been reluctant. I can understand that.

Rhayader · 23/05/2020 12:42

It’s totally out of whack. We are top 5% earners and can’t afford to buy where we live in zone 3. The stamp duty alone is ridiculous, nevermind the deposit. All of my friends who have bought had family help. A small 3 bed costs around 750 which means 75k for deposit and 27.5k for stamp duty.

dontdisturbmenow · 23/05/2020 12:52

The problem is high house prices!
Well we don't know because you are very selective as to what you are sharing of your personal circumstances.

So Jo idea if you are reasonable or not and whether your friends have a point are living in a bubble.

Namechangeapril20 · 23/05/2020 12:57

It's 99% luck if you're low income.

No, it's hard work and sacrifice.

I moved out of my parents house at 18. Rented in house shares, tiny flats and shit houses. Studied full time while picking up bar shifts and care home shifts in the evenings and worked in a supermarket at the weekend. Didnt go partying, didnt have a car, havent been on holiday since my 3early teens. No hairdressers, beauticians or nail appointments etc. No expensive phone contracts, or sky or netflix subscriptions etc.

When I met my partner we moved into a run down rented house in a rough area but the rent was cheap. Everything we owned was second hand or hand me downs. We both worked 2 jobs and barely saw each other. We had a cheap and cheerful wedding. We had 2 children under those circumstances, and while friends were spending £100s on baby photoshoots and baby swimming lessons, sensory classes, jo jingles etc we still worked our asses off, with no luxuries or meals out or takeaways.

Last year (aged 28, so not from a generation who had it easy, and with already having 2 children) with zero help from anyone, with no handouts from parents or inheritances we were able to buy our first home (on a lower household income than you). It is in a shit paramilitary area (were in NI), and unbelievably run down house with many problems and a ridiculous amount of work to do. For the first 6 months we didnt even have a working kitchen and were cooking on a camping stove!

I get it's hard. I do. And some may be lucky. But it is ridiculously offensive to say "we don't get it" or that "99% of it is luck." Not even a tiny bit true. We gave up so much to get where we are, and are living in a less than ideal location in a less than ideal house, having had no luxuries or holidays and missing out on the student/early twenties lifestyle of my peers. But now moving into my 30s, my sacrifices and hard work will start paying off and hopefully we can move to a nicer house in a nicer area- and it's unfair for anyone wishing for housing crashes to begrudge us that. Especially because in my social circle at least, they were too good to make the sacrifices we made and didn't want the tiny fixer upper in the bad area, and what to skip straight to the nice 3 bed semi family home and constantly bleat on about how it's unfair how they cant afford it because they're too expensive, completely missing that we can only afford it because of our hard work and sacrifices!

It's not fair that I cant afford to take my kids to disney land, or fancy jewelry, luxury cars, multiple holidays, designer clothes.... but such is life, you've to live within your means or prioritize what it is you want. If you want to live in a nice area in a nice house that you cant afford and aren't prepared to make the long term sacrifices needed for that, well then resign yourself to renting there instead instead of being irrationally bitter at other people who made different choices than you and patronising us about being "lucky" and not getting that its hard.

Cardboard33 · 23/05/2020 12:58

@rosehip10 I don't work at UCL but I do work at one of the other top names in London. I know some unis have contracted out cleaning staff etc but mine certainly hasn't because I'm in the union and get loads of emails about it. My point is that sub 20k is really really low pay for a uni job, even out of London.

The80sweregreat · 23/05/2020 13:00

If your on a low income (as I was in 1989 )your chances of buying in most parts of essex ( good and bad areas) are not great unless you get a lot of help financially. I had a little bit of help ( a few hundred pounds!) but it's a drop in the ocean to what you would need now! Thousands and thousands of pounds or be left a property as one of my sons friends was. She is one of the lucky few.
Not everyone can just move further afield either especially when this virus hits the economy even more : where are the jobs going up be? If your a professional you may be a bit better off but there is the student debts to consider too ( although that isn't counted in the calculations , it's still there ) and even with a degree you don't start out at the top end of earning ( usually) most people don't.
It's scary that people will be renting for ever.
Nothing bad about it , but it's not that affordable for many and there isn't much security either. Council properties are thin on the ground too.
Things need to change but I don't have the answers and the government are too wrapped up in brexit and this latest health emergency to do anything about it either.
I think it's so sad. People just want a home to call their own.

Namechangeapril20 · 23/05/2020 13:05

And just to add during that time my DH was off work for just over a year after breaking his back and having to so through intensive physio to learn how to walk again with next to know financial help because the money we had saved for our house deposit was counted against us in terms of benefits calculations. Not using that as a race to the bottom. Just to highlight that even with the cards stacked against you, if its something you really want, and make it your upmost priority and resign yourself to the fact it will take a good chunk of time to see the pay off. It isnt impossible. Hard - absolutely. Fair - not at all. But possible - yes.

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 23/05/2020 13:05

@vanillandhoney

I believe it to be inherently possible, yes Grin I have no children but my friends do and they seem to be loving it just fine up here in the Frozen North.

Some poeple do post some shite, don't they? Grin

Desiringonlychild · 23/05/2020 13:05

@Namechangeapril20 sorry how is it a better choice if you bought just before the crash? I bought in 2019 too, 2 bed flat in zone 3 london and it is my home, in catchment for 4 outstanding schools, on the bus routes to various private schools and 20 mins on the tube to the city. However it was a silly time to buy it but it was my choice and at least even if it crashes, it's still my home. It was still a Bad financial decision to buy in 2019 at the top of the market.
Bearing in mind parts of the north haven't recovered from the crash, you and I would both pay dearly for our mistake and I don't begrudge people from hoping house prices crash.. I know I did a lot of that when I was trying to buy. At least I hope it would help solve the housing crisis for many people. And as long as I can overpay my mortgage so I don't end up in negative equity, I think a housing crash is good for this country.

vanillandhoney · 23/05/2020 13:08

We were talking about Barrow and Blackpool - it’s states that in the posts you replied to - both well documented drug problems. I grew up near one and a nice girl from school went to prison for supplying drugs. She got mixed up with the wrong boyfriend and her parents didn’t know anything about it, until she was arrested.

There are drug problems all over the country - they're just different types of drugs, I would imagine. Blackpool and Barrow is probably heroin and similar, more leafy places it's weed and cocaine. Same shit, different scenery.

Again if you don't want to move to a "rough" area to get your foot on the ladder that's your choice, but it's not the same as not being able to buy a house at all.

NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace · 23/05/2020 13:08

Very inspiring post @Namechangeapril20 Smile

TazSyd · 23/05/2020 13:13

@NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace

Perhaps you should ask for a map for your birthday? I referred to 2 places - Barrow and Blackpool - which I’ve already pointed out to you. I grew up in one and lived in the other, briefly. At no point did I disparage the whole of the north, in fact I actually give a list of examples of nice places.

I too am northern born and bred and still live happily in the north.

Yes, some people do post some shite, don’t you?

Desiringonlychild · 23/05/2020 13:14

@Rhayader I bought in zone 3,2 bed flat. £400k and we got first time buyer stamp duty exemption on the first 300k. Its very rare a first property in zone 3 isn't a flat.my MIL had a 4 bed house in zone 3 and she started off with a flat. Where I live, 3 bed house is at least £800k.

Namechangeapril20 · 23/05/2020 13:22

@Desiringonlychild Well a house price crash due to a unprecedented global pandemic didnt really factor into our decision because I'm not in the possession of a crystal ball.

The housing market in Northern Ireland was very much stable pre-coronavirus and for most part unaffected by the previous crash. House prices here haven't changed much over the last ten years and we have a building boom here without the massive housing shortages you have in the mainland. You're very much comparing apples to oranges comparing Craigavon to London in that regard.

I choose to live in Craigavon, because it's cheaper (in terms of property and cost of living) than Belfast - in Belfast I would still be renting and not able to afford to buy a home - so that was my choice, live somewhere expensive and rent, or move somewhere cheaper and own.

Namechangeapril20 · 23/05/2020 13:27

And we bought this house to get onto the ladder with the plan being to fix it up, and move on to our forever home - after years of hard work and sacrifice. If the housing market crashes and we end up in negative equity, we will be stuck here. I think that's a bit crass for people to wish for.

Purplesndteal · 23/05/2020 13:29

Since when £20k is a decent salary? That makes just above MW. However, the truth is that having lived and worked abroad, life in the UK is extremely expensive for the average salary.

The80sweregreat · 23/05/2020 13:29

My niece had to use savings as her dh couldn't work during the coronavirus lockdown. They were saving for a place and it's all gone on this ( couldn't claim anything)

gumball37 · 23/05/2020 13:30

There have been several options for me (in USA) to buy with no deposit. That's the only way I'd done it initially. Then some money from my mom's death. I've moved house 3 times in 5 years because I'm mental... But feel we're in our forever home now. We're on the outskirts of a "rich" area with an amazing school district (here unless you do private, you kids go to whatever school district covere the area your house resides in). Because it's the outskirts, my house cost $135k for a 3 bedroom 2.5 bath with finished basement...I've actually made it I to a 4 bedroom by making the dining room my room because we eat in the kitchen. Seeing the home prices in the UK blows my mind! We are also 30 minutes from a major city (Pittsburgh), so tons of stuff to do.

Isitnextyearyet · 23/05/2020 13:38

@The80sweregreat that is miserable. So many have been very badly hit.

NightScentedStocks · 23/05/2020 13:41

I'm a home owner as I'm ten years older but I'd be happy for prices to come down as it's too hard for younger people to buy at the moment.

LaurieFairyCake · 23/05/2020 13:45

I'm happy for prices to fall 30% and wipe out my equity in the property that I've gained for free over the last 25 years (it would also put me in some negative equity but this wouldn't affect me as I would just stay)

Hopefully this would make it affordable for younger people including my own children

oohnicevase · 23/05/2020 13:46

I think they should have 100% mortgages again and base your value aaa re payer on your previous record if paying your rent .. it would move everyone along into their own houses ..( no idea if it's feesable but seems like a good option!!
We bought 25 years ago with a cash back mortgage and no deposit and thank goodness we did !!.. I feel for you !

Boredfromboredshire · 23/05/2020 13:47

Many of the posts on here assume that housing is a free market and it’s down to individual choice and fecklessness if you can’t get on the ladder.

But the housing market isn’t a true free market- it’s been massively interfered with and propped up for a decade particularly with help to buy which caused prices to double.

This very tory Thatcherite ideal of individualism is utter bollocks when the state is propping up the system.

So to everyone saying our failure to get on the ladder is choice & our own fault- that’s the problem - the odds are weighed against us by a state sponsored Ponzi scheme

OP posts: