Neighbours- burnt roses / fencing issues

[Time4change2018]

Hi
More of a how would you approach than AIBU ... I'm currently feeling very unreasonable because I want to knock the door and shout but that won't solve anything. Time for tea and your thoughts.
Neighbours moved in 2/3 years ago. No issues on the whole other than the house and garden being far to small for their family, but that's their choice.
The dividing fence is theirs ... is is 4ft in parts, 6ft in other places. They have a hedge across 2 panels that fall into my garden. No issue I strim it back once a year. It's good as I prefer privacy and the hedges are approx 8ft. They've since cut that down to 2 5ft. The other 2 panels I have a large old rose trailing across it. We discussed it when they move in, they like it for height and security... until now.
They've re jigged the garden and now sit and bbq at these panels so have cut back the rose to the fence, again no problem, thats their choice.
Until yesterday I was thinking in the autumn I'd maybe put a few posts my side with 4ft trellis, closed off from their side , 2 ft off the ground so the roses can have more space, it would bother the neighbours anymore etc as I can see they are wanting less foliage in the garden.
Yesterday I came home from work to see they had a birthday bbq in the afternoon and the chap seems to start all bbq with a massive fire with flames going up 3ft at least. I didn't go into the garden as I was tired but on going out this morning notice my roses are burnt on the edges near their side! Clearly the bbq caught it ...
How do I handle this while trying to maintain calm with neighbours who don't appear to care they've damaged it, could have caused a fire if the were so close to their fence.
Helpful suggestions please. Thank you.

Can’t you just mention the problem calmly to them and ask them to move the BBQ away a little? I’m guessing they don’t want to set fire to the fence so they probably don’t realise.

Yes you are right that is the best yourself action. I suffer hugely with anxiety and my normal is to not say anything at my detriment or get that worked up I spout... usually as exH or people I know. I'm not a shouter but a spouter that over thinks and over talks as I did on first message.

Surely it's only bits that are over their side of the fence/in their garden that will be singed, so cut back your roses to your boundary, and it shouldn't be a problem?

Do you ever chat to them over the fence? I'd have a calm word with them next time they're out in the garden about moving the BBQ a bit further away from the fence so it's not a fire hazard. Take the opportunity to ask them if they're still ok with the rose overhanging they're side as you've noticed it got a little singed and you'd prefer to cut it back for them if it's an issue so the plant doesn't get damaged.

@Stefoscope unfortunately we don't really talk over the fence. I tried initially but got one word responses, same if we pass out the front going to / from cars. They v much keep heads down, earphones in and avoid eye contact.
I'll be out in the garden tomorrow and will try and catch them - surprisingly today none of them have been out the back all day.

@mrsm43s - they can cut it back to the boundry and do. I offered when they moved in to come around and do it but they didn't want that and I'm certainly not tall or young enough to reach other a 4ft fence with roses branching out to cut it from my side. Either way I think if they have a problem it'd have been nice to be spoken to or just cut the rose and not burn it ... it's a large patch they've burnt along with some branches of their connifer I noticed when i went closer to inspect this afternoon.

I’d start looking at fence panel prices OP with a view to expediting your plans ASAP. Hopefully you can get some fitted between you both before they have another BBQ. Idiots.