Couples who live separately but are having children??

[Dickorydockwhatthe]

AIBU to think you can't have it both ways and to get annoyed by it (it's lockdown and I have too much time to think normally wouldn't care as too busy working!). They are very much a couple and are having their second child together. He works she doesn't. Both living in different households although staying over at times. Christmas together, weekends away etc. I have too much time at the moment I know but seeing posts on FB 'My partner and I' need to buy a pram just pissed me off today 😬

@justanotherneighinparadise Many of these men are 'self employed' and not declaring the correct income. I had to call CMS because my ex was refusing to give a set money each month. We had many arguments about it. Initially he wanted me to keep all receipts for anything I bought for the baby, and then half it and he would give me that. CF! I said no as I didn't have time for that shit, and also it didn't take into account the additional household costs, having the heating on constantly etc. Not only that it boiled my blood that I was doing absolutely everything on my own whilst he was swanning down to see the baby as and when he pleased then pissing off back to his own house. Then he offered 100 a month and took it upon himself to put it into my account. I said he needed to bring his pay slips down to work it out correctly, I had no idea what he was earning. He wouldn't do that. The 100 a month didn't even scratch the surface of what I was spending on the baby. So I called CMS, he was livid but turns out he should have been paying around 250 a month.

Lol I bet spag 😊 I'm glad it worked out though 😊

@Dickorydockwhatthe I know its hard funding working away, you have my sympathies. I was lucky as ex lived in SLA and paid a generous maintenance of his own choice. We were offered MQ's when the regiment relaxed rules but I declined as I didn't want to rush anything. So he paid SLA accommodation, mess bills and maintenance. I worked and ran my own accommodation. I agree however it was probably nowhere near your costs.

However if the dad in this question has his own residential address, he will be classed by the DWP as not living with the mother. If they have kept all accounts and utility bills seepage they are also financially separate. Thing is this father could decide tomorrow to ghost her and the children, never pay a penny and leave them high and dry. She is at least housed, with her children and receiving an income that protects her. He isn't exactly committed financially to this partnership is he.

There's two separate issues here:

a) Sounds like the bloke is not supporting his children and the mother of his children adequately which is bad
f) Their living arrangements and how they choose to conduct their relationship, which is none of your bloody business.

Plenty of people choose to live apart and if that involves children and works best for all concerned then so be it.

Really Pumpkin wow?? So when dh worked away and we lived separately as was only home 2 days a week we could have claimed and not be committing fraud?

shopping together....wasnt that always used as a fraud marker?

@PumpkinP ohhhhhh so a facebook page says "its allowed"......scrounging is allowed now is it?

fraud not scrounging!

My friends have a child but still live separately. Before they were parents she owned her house, just her on her mortgage, and he was renting. They then bought a house together, but he still has his rented house, in the same town. He splits nights 50/50 between homes. Even when she has to leave in the morning to get an early train for work, he will stay at his house, and get to their house at 6am to get the DS ready for nursery when it opens. Why not just sleep there?!

The page is called universal credit essentials, I don’t know how official it is but they seem to give a lot of information on their, I’m not on uc myself though so don’t know how true it is but they seem to think that’s the case on there.

And apparently it’s not fraud if they live separate (not just pretending to as obviously that IS different)

I get some couples do not want to live together but if your having a socnd child together your relationship should be established enough for you to financially or emotionally provide for you family whether that be living together or apart xxx

Yes because running two homes is definitely cheaper than one, freeing up all that lovely benefits moolah
Of course it can be much cheaper when one is all paid for by taxes, even more when the other is paid by mum and dad.

There's nothing wrong with a couple living seperately if it suits them but they should be treated as one household for benefits purposes.

I'm sure some do it for valid reasons and indeed do not claim benefits, but it's very hypocritical that many do so for the financial benefit and would quickly move in together if that financial gain was taken away.

If the relationship is vulnerable, then don't go ahead and add and child to it!

I have family that did this.
Father worked abroad so lived there, mother lived in UK. Their daughter would travel with mum to dad's and stay there for several weeks and dad would often spend his weeks off work at mum's.
I still think their life was fantastic, especially when I see yet another mess in the house that my DP has made and walked passed.

Also, doesn't the guy from Coronation Street who had a daughter with a woman on set do this with his new girlfriend/mother of newborn son?
He mainly lives up north, she and the baby live down south?

I know someone who does this. She has five (yes five) children with him, they have never lived together and both claim benefits, as apparently they can get more benefits not living together

Chloemol, that's disgusting.

@chloemol well yes because as they are they are getting £409 each per month if they are both over 25 but they move in together they would only get £594 between then, plus then whatever has been awarded for the children. You can't blame people when they will loose near on £400 of income! it's the system sometimes that causes people to make these decisions.

The counter argument for the drop of £224 is expenditure cost. So two people living together are paying all but the same utilities as a single person, and the food cost isn't massively higher. You can't really shop for one when everything is sold in pairs.

sorry loose near on £200 not £400 that should have said**

www.gov.uk/government/publications/universal-credit-and-couples-an-introduction/universal-credit-further-information-for-couples

Literally says on the link you are classed as a couple if you LIVE together. If you don’t live together you don’t need to make a joint claim

Makes sense. But maybe one of them should consider getting a job.

I can understand why they do it then if not classed as fraud and they are better off (which should not be the case) but I'm sure that could apply to alot of couples where one person is working and the other is a stay at home parent but yet they are joint couple.living together. Bloody rediculous and makes a mockery of the whole benefits system for people who genuinely need it.

*with one income

Not really any of your business. I know an older married couple who have always lived separately, it works well for them and they have been happily married for years. They just both like their own space.

Pleasenodont it's not about just living separately you haven't red the entire thread!