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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I broke the Lockdown rules and I’m not sorry

91 replies

Caplin · 21/05/2020 22:38

Today my younger brother died (not covid). He lived with my disabled Dad who called me on Monday to say my brother wouldn’t wake up. I raced over and spent 20 mins doing CPR on him along with my sister. He had an infection which caused organ failure, heart attacks and strokes.

After 3 days in ICU my brother passed away today. I have spent time every day with my Dad, we sat together and watched over video as life support was withdrawn. My sister left her kids at my house with my husband while she went to hospital with my mum. We all sat together and had wine/coffee.

I broke down when I hugged my dad and he admitted no one had properly hugged him in years, beyond a quick hello and goodbye. He won’t be able to go to the funeral as he is shielded.

I don’t care that we broke every lock down rule in the book today. This is a f@#%ing cruel time.

AIBU?

OP posts:
RufustheLanglovingreindeer · 21/05/2020 23:54

So sorry 💐

flumposie · 22/05/2020 00:02

So sorry for your loss. You did the right thing. Due to numbers I am unable to attend my Uncle's funeral or support my Cousin and Mum. It's heartbreaking.

Godotsarrived · 22/05/2020 00:10

You did exactly the right thing. I am so sorry for your loss. You must be utterly devastated.

Torquay99 · 22/05/2020 00:10

To the tiny number of people who voted that the poster was being unreasonable, you are truly dreadful people.

OP I'm so very sorry for your loss, both you and your dad. Nobody in their right mind would begrudge you the decision you made. Like a poster said up thread, the vast majority are complying with lockdown so that the people who can't (you!) can do what you need to do with a clear conscience.

millerjane · 22/05/2020 00:14

Only a heartless robot would you conside you unreasonable. Sorry for your loss Flowers

Original poster
Caplin · 22/05/2020 00:23

Thank you all. Feeling a bit raw tonight. My brother had struggled with addiction issues for years, hence why he still lived with my dad. We always knew this could happen, but because of covid it has layered in a level of stress. Having 6 paramedics in full ppe (understandably) gave everything a feel of ET, a bit in humane. Having to cover his face with a cloth as we have him chest compressions. Not being able to sit with him in ICU until the end. The fact his funeral will be sparse.

And worst of all is the fact we still have to minimise the human contact with those we love. My dad is totally alone in a flat where my brother almost died.

OP posts:
DownADirtRoad · 22/05/2020 00:27

My dad is totally alone in a flat where my brother almost died.

Can he come and stay with you?

Original poster
Caplin · 22/05/2020 00:28

Sadly no, I live in a townhouse and he can’t manage the stairs. He can barely walk.

OP posts:
Playdonut · 22/05/2020 00:29

I am so sorry Caplin. Life can be very cruel. You have to minimise contact with random people, but not with your dad. I have double checked the rules and you really can see him as much as you want to xxx

BlackeyedSusan · 22/05/2020 00:31

so sorry.

I can't see where you have broken the rules really.

DownADirtRoad · 22/05/2020 00:33

Sadly no, I live in a townhouse and he can’t manage the stairs. He can barely walk.

Flowers I would continue to see him if you both feel comfortable and want to under these circumstances.

gnushoes · 22/05/2020 00:37

My mum needed to go to hospital a few weeks ago and I've had to visit my very elderly dad who wanted to stay at home but needed support - and company. All of the possible alternatives to visiting and caring for him were worse and potentially riskier so that's how we managed it. He's vulnerable. End of. Same for you and I'm very sorry for your loss.

akerman · 22/05/2020 00:37

You did exactly what you had to do and you were exactly where you needed to be in such terribly cruel circumstances. I am so sorry for your loss. I think if you'd done anything differently, you'd always regret it.

Cheeseycheeseycheesecheese · 22/05/2020 00:39

Like so many other posters, I am so sorry for your loss and would do the same without a second thought.

Lavenderpurple · 22/05/2020 00:43

You’re doing the right thing. Your dad needs you.
So sorry for your loss.

Natsel84 · 22/05/2020 00:46

I'm so sorry for your loss ... anyone who judges you is quite frankly void of feelings .
I would do the same as you .

biglouis · 22/05/2020 00:53

There is an old saying that rules are for the guidance of wise men and the instruction of fools.

Sometimes they just have to be set aside.

DamnYankee · 22/05/2020 01:19

You absolutely did the right thing. I'm so sorry!

gumball37 · 22/05/2020 01:55

Sorry for your loss. Flowers

Sonichu · 22/05/2020 01:56

We had a family member die on Good Friday. I went to see my parents and hugged my dad who was beside himself with grief. I do not give a shit what the social distancing police think.

DownADirtRoad · 22/05/2020 03:24

I do not give a shit what the social distancing police think.

Sonichu I really don’t think many people would have any problem at all with visiting in these circumstances so there’s no need for the poor attitude. If they do have a problem, they’re heartless and should be ignored. I think people rightly have an issue with people having parties or a bbq when we’re not supposed to be mixing households. I’m sorry for your loss and hope that your dad is doing ok. Flowers

CocoLoco87 · 22/05/2020 04:25

So sorry for your loss. I dont see that as breaking lockdown rules, it's entirely essential. Cant imagine what you and your family are going through Flowers

PollyPelargonium52 · 22/05/2020 05:10

Sorry for your loss and yes totally justifiable to sit with your dad and also to hug him. Take good care.

MaitlandGirl · 22/05/2020 05:18

I’m so sorry for your loss, it very much sounds as if you’re doing what needs to be done and that’s how it should be.

Is there anyone who could be with your dad during the funeral so he’s not alone then? It would mean them missing your bothers service but your dad wouldn’t be by himself.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/05/2020 05:38

So very sorry to read this and no, under the circumstances, YANBU and I would have done the same. Thanks

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