Short of an angle grinder how the fuck do you chop a swede?

[Chinchinatti]

I've just spent a half hour trying to chop a turnip. It has to be THE most unforgiving cunt of a vegetable. I've dents in my hand from the fucking thing.
I sharpened my big knife and everything and still I couldn't get half way through the bastard bollocks of a cunt of a thing.
It's my favourite vegetable, but fuck me, every time, I swear I'm never buying another one.
Is there some knack to chopping the cunt that I'm unaware of?

@ghostmous3
What a brilliant idea!

Like another poster's mum I don't deal.

I get DH to chop or I substitute sweet potato.

Do not want to lose my lovely fingers!

Stick in the microwave whole, no piercing or anything for about 30mins depending on size. When it’s done chop the top off and scoop out the inside, total game changer!! ‘Singing suede’ it’s called as it makes a whistling noise lol

To make things worse, when I used to buy a swede - as they were all the same price, I would be compelled to get the biggest...

Asda substituted my pre-cut butternut squash with a whole one this week. T'was a bastard job and it was cut into the strangest of shapes dependant on where the knife headed after I jumped on it with a solid chopping board. Got there in the end. Now have a pot of roasted squash and red pepper soup with toasted squash seeds (I wouldn't have had those with pre-cut - nyah)

I've got a small serrated vegetable knife, its brilliant for cutting up any veg. It never needs sharpening. People laugh at me because it's such a small knife but I can prepare veg a lot quicker than they can using a chef's knife.

Jeepers, didn't expect much response as I thought that I was the only turnip in the group lol.
We call them turnips in Ireland (I'm Irish) and discovered that they're called swedes in England so I used the English word.
Cunting bastarding things is what they're hithertofore called in my house.

Nottherealslimshady
Wtf? Just like that. I sawed through this bastard for a half hour???

I use my body weight for the first cut, like put my hands on the knife and then try to lift my body up onto my arms.guess I'm just fat! 🤣 then chop the rest guillotine style. Right ego boost!

Seriously, our Japanese knife in Damascus steel slices through a swede like butter, no pressure needed!

I sometimes do it just for fun!

Firmly believe that if I ever manage to retrieve the knife in one clean swipe I’m destined to become king of all England.

You may address me as "your Majesty" henceforth!

I use a big sharp knife to cut all the way through so I've got a flat surface, then slice it. Never fails! I am very strong though, maybe it's just brute strength rather than skilled technique. Either way, I feel smug now!

My dad used to cut them in his garage using the bandsaw.

I cut them with surprising ease but I do use an extremely sharp knife. A large Yaxell Ran knife will go through it with only minimal fuss. Still probably the most obstinate veg ever though.

I use a Victorinox Pastry knife. These knives cut through everything from soft sandwiches to rock hard turnip/swede.

Great big cleaver. Very easy. I resisted for many years on the grounds that I wouldn't use a cleaver very often, but now I have one I realise how much I was struggling without one!

It's brilliant for anything very tough to cut, but also for large things like watermelon. Feels much safer and easier to control than a knife.

Mine is a vegetable cleaver rather than a meat cleaver like other posters have suggested. It is larger and less heavy than a meat cleaver. Like this: www.japaneseknifecompany.com/knives/cleavers/vegetable-cleavers.html but I only paid about £8 for one which does a decent job for occasional use.

'I sometimes do it just for fun'! 😂😂

😉

Well, I'm only ever buying pre-chopped turnip from now on. FFS, what a torment.

All you Swede Choppers need to get with the times and join the “Singing Swede Revolution”

I microwave mine for 20 minutes. The skin just peels of and you can mash the insides in seconds. Boom.

It’s called Singing Swede because it starts to whistle when nearly done.