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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel increasingly resentful of the growing divide between those who are able to home school and those who can't

276 replies

thepeopleversuswork · 20/05/2020 09:53

To preface this with the observation that I'm very lucky to be able to work from home in safety and I haven't lost sight of that.

But I am working about 10 hours a day in order to be able to hold onto my job. I'm a lone parent and have no support from anyone. My company expects me to be literally always on and takes no account whatsoever of the fact that I am supposed to be home schooling.

I'm constantly bombarded with people who are either on furlough or not working talking about the "pressures" of home schooling and how difficult it is to fit it in when they have whole days free and are agonising over difficult maths problems etc. Or people posting endless pictures on social media of the cool, creative things their kids have done.

I'm really lucky if I get to spend half an hour with my DD setting tasks for her and very rarely get to do any supervision, let alone teaching, as I'm holed up in the next room.

I've mentioned this to various friends and they will raise an eyebrow and say "but surely your work must understand?". No, they don't understand. It makes me feel so shit.

I get that furlough is not ideal and that we're all in various ways struggling so there's no point feeling resentful of other people for their circumstances.

But I'm increasingly concerned about how the government and schools plan to handle this if physical schooling becomes more difficult over a longer period.

A real divide is going to grow between those who are able to support their children in the home and those who aren't. I can accept my daughter's schooling taking a back seat for a few months or weeks. But what happens if she ends up losing half an academic year to this, while the children of SAHMs or those on furlough get lavished with one to one attention at home?

Does anyone else worry about the impact on our children of those who are physically unable to provide this support?

OP posts:
LaurieMarlow · 20/05/2020 15:35

Those suggesting the op talks to her employers are hopelessly naive or public sector workers.

I’m guessing there’s a lot of the latter in there Wink

MsTSwift · 20/05/2020 15:38

My parents (teachers) were horrified at how hard dh and I worked and came up with similar suggestions. It’s sweet and they meant well but they didn’t have a flying clue.

thepeopleversuswork · 20/05/2020 15:41

Laurie Agree. Public sector in my limited experience has a totally different set of expectations and work culture. I speak to friends in the public sector about what’s expected of me and they literally don’t believe me.

Private sector the pay is better but there are no real rights. There are no boundaries.

OP posts:
Drivingdownthe101 · 20/05/2020 15:46

I wonder if some people realise that many people’s contracts state for hours to be worked ‘as many hours as needed to fulfil the role’?

LaurieMarlow · 20/05/2020 15:48

Given the shock and horror at opting out of the WHD, I’d guess not.

Cam2020 · 20/05/2020 15:49

I'm in a similar position to you, OP, only my DD is nursery school age so there is hope in sight for me. Flowers and Wine

icansmellburningleaves · 20/05/2020 15:58

It must be very difficult for you and other parents who are juggling home schooling and working. I suppose though someone who had been let go would wish they were in your position. I hope that the situation improves for you. Your firm doesn’t sound very understanding. If your boss is struggling with a husband and a nanny, how on earth does she think you are going to manage. If your child is younger than year 6 I wouldn’t worry too much about the home schooling.

canigooutyet · 20/05/2020 15:58

@OneandTwenty
I completely agree. No matter what we are told by the government, even they put in on tv and online, some still find a way to blame you guys.

When all this started, I said my sons head of year, concentrate on the ones that need the help. I understand that education has been shut down, your role has changed overnight. The government even said parents aren't teachers. No pressure. Well, of course, you are more than aware.

Private schools, just like the private sector in general, work differently. And if I was paying the fees some charge damn right I want the school set up for home learning before the deposit has been paid. One of the benefits of paying for stuff to meet your specific requirements.

@Phineyj makes sense for those with the means to pay for a private tutor, and of course quiet space and all the rest of it. Still doesn't solve the wider issue. Another blank check cannot be written, it's already going to cost many, even those with a job at the moment.

Maybe we should be involving the children themselves. It's their future, they are able to think freely, many also have critical thinking etc. They will still be paying for this in their future.

What a fabulous opportunity parents and our children have had. I'm not loaded, don't have the latest anything. Still got the first stereo I bought over 30 years ago. So had to get creative. We've had fabulous chats about economics, politics, history, science etc using whatever we've already had. He's a teen, getting closer to the gcse and beyond years. He had all that time on his hands, so went thinking about the future for the next bit, college. He's read more. More aware about food, budgets etc.

He's learned so much without any handholding from the school who are currently otherwise occupied. (Not bashing teachers, big fan). It's not a smug oh look at me post. Because fuck it has not been easy. Although honestly, if I couldn't think about how could parent my child I would be embarrassed of myself. Not a go at anyone else, just how I would be feeling. How could I as his parent forget from the day he was born, he was learning things from me before he started his formal education.

But ask them how they want to learn. Might be surprised. They have some amazing ideas, as many will agree with. And I'm not just talking about teens. I've had some conversations with 9-year-olds (not mine ) who have been more intelligent, more considerate, more empathetic than I have had with some educated 40-year-olds.

Then look at how this can be achieved with what schools have. I've been to some schools that have so much tech it's unbelievable. Yet school down the round, under the same authority, don't. So why the imbalance? The school realised for themselves and the imbalance was minimised. Long before this school circle collaboration whatever it's called thing.

I would also say involve the schools and staff more as well, but it would probably be a silly idea cos of whatever.

Wonkydonkey44 · 20/05/2020 15:59

I have the same issues although I am a key worker. Child is able to go to school but not actually being taught anything I literally the child care aspect. I come home from work ( full time) and some how ( not enough hours in the day) have to home school then.
To be honest school work is sliding , she’s tired after a day at ‘school’ and I’m knackered. Flowers

OneNewName · 20/05/2020 16:03

Some of these employers need to be named and shamed.

OneandTwenty · 20/05/2020 16:10

Some of these employers need to be named and shamed.
for trying to keep the business afloat and keep as many employees as possible? Bastards.

BorsetshireBlueBalls · 20/05/2020 16:12

The 'as many hours needed to fulfil the role' is written into every public sector contract I've ever seen, so this isn't unique to the private sector. I get what you're saying about 'the business model' and the expectations it generates. I"m saying it's a foolish, fragile model. And team/pair working on an account isn't about dumping difficult stuff on a junior member of staff last minute while you deal with homeschooling. It's about sharing responsibilities in a planned way so that you can extend client cover across the hours they expect you to be available - and maybe the junior member of staff actually gets some decent development in the process. But you know all this and you're under the cosh, so maybe just one to think about when you are in a position to look for a job with different, better-run company - there's nothing inevitable about bad management and risky structures.

Anyway, OP, echo the other posters who suggest supplementing your efforts with tutors. A tutor agency in my area was putting the shout out for more tutors to join their books, so it seems that plenty of people are doing this. If you can't get more resource to deal with the workload from your paid job, you're going to need more for the homeschooling part because you can't do two jobs.

And yeah, step away from the competitive social media feeds. I know some people do it to reward their children's efforts or to cheer themselves up, but it's a load of BS really isn't it, or at best extremely selective.

canigooutyet · 20/05/2020 16:18

Oh, public sector staff also have the same thing about working extra at times when needed. Otherwise, you wouldn't have hospital staff working longer than their 12-hour shifts, because shit happens.

Wouldn't have key staff in schools waiting in the school for whoever to show up, cos little Jonnies parents are doing something else and no-one else available. The whoever the teachers are waiting for are either doing their overworked Social work job or underfunded police. Oh, little Jonnies parents aren't in this industry, one was at a none work-related convention, the other at the spa. And I really wish I was making this up, well apart from names and where they were. That was another nail in the coffin for me towards quitting education.

Just like the private sector, there's also a clause with regards to talking about stuff "outside" And I really don't care anymore. Not like we are talking top secret stuff.

BogRollBOGOF · 20/05/2020 16:21

I really don't envy anyone trying to supervise/ educate their children while working.

On paper I should be sorted, SAHM, qualified teacher... but DS1 (9) has SpLDs and struggles in umpteen ways, DS2 (7) is not the most motivated either, and copys DS1's attitude. Let's just say this is not a productive situation, and they need the positive role modelling of their classmates, and the neutral role of a teacher who doesn't live with them 24/7. DS1 just can't handle the intrusion of school life into his safe home space.

We don't do craft;. It's never had a pretty ending. Not a single rainbow to be found here.

BeijingBikini · 20/05/2020 16:26

Not all private sector jobs are like that. All the jobs I've worked in have been 9-5 with flexi hours, overtime was rare and not enforced on anyone, and very family-friendly. One industry in particular (pharmaceutical statistics) - qualified people are so hard to find as the qualification is so specific, that you can set your own hours and boundaries. There could be a client project in for tomorrow and you could say "sorry, I can't stay past 5 because I have plans" and that would be fine - the client would just get their delivery a day later and it was pretty standard in the industry for deliveries to be late. If they fired people for going home on time, it would take 6 months to find another person and they would have no staff left.

thepeopleversuswork · 20/05/2020 16:27

BeijingBikini well great... but it’s not like that in my industry

OP posts:
BeijingBikini · 20/05/2020 16:28

I know, but I was just replying to your point that it was all "private sector" - it's not. If you are considering retraining in future there are lots of family-friendly professional office jobs that also pay well.

canigooutyet · 20/05/2020 16:30

A least in the private sector usually when you go above and beyond the decent companies reward you. If your place doesn't, that's down to you for staying there.

What does the public sector get? Cards, or thoughtful messages, drawing, nice momentoes from their students, well students. Not that it's done for these things, and cringe at the thought of certain times of the year. It's just nice to be appreciated, like when you get thanked for those projects, a bottle of bubbly, a bonus in the bank. It's nice.

You go home feeling all nice, planning how to spend the bonus.

Teacher, pick up time. Adults. moan moan moan. Meeting, paperwork, someone else fucked up, your fault so shouty moany. Finally get some downtime, go online, fucking arseholes teachers.

Yet their child would say -I learned I had fun, I did this. Did you have fun yes? Although not all do, then the parent will be often demanding to know what they are going to do to make sure little Lisa enjoys every single moment they are in school for their entire education.

thepeopleversuswork · 20/05/2020 16:30

BeijingBikini yep that's true and over the long term I should do this.

OP posts:
thepeopleversuswork · 20/05/2020 16:32

canigooutyet

"It's down to you for staying there"...
I've been in my job a year. We're on the brink of the worst recession since the Second World War.
You make it sound so easy...

OP posts:
Drivingdownthe101 · 20/05/2020 16:34

Yes it’s down to the people in the private sector for staying there.
Surely that applies in the public sector too though?

LaurieMarlow · 20/05/2020 16:38

Someone’s got to work in the private sector though.

With childcare and schooling taken care of, it’s a wholly different situation.

BeijingBikini · 20/05/2020 16:39

@drivingdownthe101 I guess they don't stay there - look at retention/recruitment rates of teachers, midwives, nurses. Those are bloody hard jobs and all you get is some chocolate and prosecco, as someone said above. I have seriously considered teaching as a more rewarding/meaningful career, but not sure I could cope with the demands and working conditions TBH.

Drivingdownthe101 · 20/05/2020 16:40

Well yeah that’s kind of what I mean. I know the pay/working conditions for teachers are dire, so I wouldn’t do it.
But yes you’re right re retention rates.

canigooutyet · 20/05/2020 16:40

Its that overworked, underpaid, underappreciation chucked constantly at certain public sectors that force many to leave. And just do, well anything as long as it's not that.

Oh damn, I forgot about the violence/abuse from the ones public sector are helping.

Don't know many private jobs where it's the norm to be punched, kicked, spat at by your clients. The reality for many in education, NHS, police etc.

Spitting is already a massive risk for police, security guards, Dr's, nurses, carers, public travel drivers, and apologies if I have forgotten others. How many TA's sign up thinking they would get a black eye from a student? Then suddenly asked how did you get that? Amount of bloody paperwork that creates, even though the child was just in their normal way.

How many in the private sector really face someone walking in off the street just to hurl abuse at anyone. Piss or shit in the entrance? Some of them get too close looking too casual and security are ready to pounce in the private sector. Cannot do that in the local public sector.