To feel increasingly resentful of the growing divide between those who are able to home school and those who can't

[thepeopleversuswork]

To preface this with the observation that I'm very lucky to be able to work from home in safety and I haven't lost sight of that.

But I am working about 10 hours a day in order to be able to hold onto my job. I'm a lone parent and have no support from anyone. My company expects me to be literally always on and takes no account whatsoever of the fact that I am supposed to be home schooling.

I'm constantly bombarded with people who are either on furlough or not working talking about the "pressures" of home schooling and how difficult it is to fit it in when they have whole days free and are agonising over difficult maths problems etc. Or people posting endless pictures on social media of the cool, creative things their kids have done.

I'm really lucky if I get to spend half an hour with my DD setting tasks for her and very rarely get to do any supervision, let alone teaching, as I'm holed up in the next room.

I've mentioned this to various friends and they will raise an eyebrow and say "but surely your work must understand?". No, they don't understand. It makes me feel so shit.

I get that furlough is not ideal and that we're all in various ways struggling so there's no point feeling resentful of other people for their circumstances.

But I'm increasingly concerned about how the government and schools plan to handle this if physical schooling becomes more difficult over a longer period.

A real divide is going to grow between those who are able to support their children in the home and those who aren't. I can accept my daughter's schooling taking a back seat for a few months or weeks. But what happens if she ends up losing half an academic year to this, while the children of SAHMs or those on furlough get lavished with one to one attention at home?

Does anyone else worry about the impact on our children of those who are physically unable to provide this support?

Can people seriously get their heads out of the sand about the job hunting possibilities for the foreseeable?!?

The naïveté here is so surprising- this recession is huge, we have only just entered into it. Job losses are going to be immense - 9000 today already at Rolls Royce.

Nobody in their right mind in a private sector non specialist role is going to do anything other than hang on to their jobs for dear life.it is not a jobseekers market and will not be for a long old time.

So it's not been like this from the day you joined? It's just whilst all this stuff is going on?

Well exactly canigooutyet, that’s exactly why I wouldn’t do those jobs. It all sounds horrific, but I’m not sure how it supports your point? You said if people in the private sector don’t get treated correctly, it’s on them for staying there. That’s true. And the same applies in the public sector. Except there are usually other factors at play for why some people stay in a particular job, such as job security, ease of commuting etc.

Well if someone was in a shit job 7 months ago and didn't start looking then, how isn't it down to them? Or however long before this.

If it's because of the current situation. It's unfortunate, and a lot of people are in the same situation regardless of industry. Just got to find our own ways of dealing with it all.

I haven't RTFT but can't you and your DD work in the same room so you can supervise her better?

Can't you get emails etc on your mobile so that you can move around and get more things done?

Can you create some kind of timetable / chart for your DD to help her manage her own time, with tv breaks etc included?

Do the same for yourself. This time is for emails, this time is for phoning people, this time is for writing reports etc. Obv if you get a phone call (not an email) then you need to answer it.

Switch off your notifications so you are not comparing yourself with others.

Home schooling is optional where we are. Neither the kids nor the parents will be punished if they don't do everything set. So let your DD do as much as she can. My DD is 12 and is able to be left alone but I also encourage her to watch lots of educational videos on youtube and that is a more fun way of learning.

Definitely use your phone more for emails etc and have yourself and your DD in the same room.

YANBU. There is also a divide between the sexes too, since many more men have wives who can home educate and do all the childcare, allowing them to work all hours, while women struggle with childcare and a full time demanding job.

I'm sorry everything is so tough for you right now. You need to work hard to keep your job so you can keep a roof over your heads.

Hopefully schools that open for a few kids will consider single parents who work ft and allow those children to return.

Agree missfliss. I have many many family members and friends employed by Rolls Royce (due to where I live) and they’re all at panic stations right now.

thepeopleversuswork

My heart goes out to you at this difficult time, which is like a bad dream gone more wrong.
I have phoned 33 parents today and each of them are having challenges at the moment, the furloughed ones, the lone parent ones, the working from home ones,’the working out of home ones and the normally ‘stay at home’ ones.
I would love for all this to be over as soon as possible, as anyone would. I’m wondering if a chat to someone at your DCs school might help give a picture about their intent for the future but even if you are not able to do this, you are doing the best you can in pretty shit circumstances (as are many others on this thread too.)

Yea I know, notice periods and all that.

I've worked on both sides. Was it was evident that I would always be treated like shit I started looked at other options and left. For anything else even when it involved massive income drops.

I think you're going to have to consciously lower the bar, a LOT, in terms of your DD's education and just accept that yes, it is shit but she is safe and alive and fed and that is perhaps all you can manage right now. Throw in some quality time with her each day, even if not loads, and that is more important than her schooling.

I've been home educating my child for the whole of their life and I am a single parent who is self employed and has always worked from home. I don't have pissy difficult clients with no boundaries, but I do work in a partly customer facing role and I know the hell that ensues when you have so many plates spinning. There is nothing like it. I am deep in the stress of it now as my own work has got busier because of the pandemic.

Anyway, all you can do is accept that yes, it's shit. Yes she will fall behind, but that can and will be remedied when this passes and more important than her education is her and your mental health. She will be taking her cues from you, and if you relax (I know, but hear me out) and accept that yeah, she won't get the same standard of work done as she would at school, a load will be taken from your shoulders and you can focus on work and time with her without berating yourself.

Something's got to give, it can't be work, and unless you can employ someone to come in for a few hours a day and tutor her or just do childcare with a bit of home ed thrown in, the only other thing that can give is your standards when it comes to her schooling. Give yourself a break and accept that during these times, some stuff is going to slip, stuff that would be unacceptable at any other time.

There is a popular blog post in home ed circles about how schoolchildren actually only spend 1-2 hours per day properly learning. The rest is just crowd control on the teachers part, going from A to B, lunches, play, waiting to do stuff and tidying up from doing stuff.

Have a massive glass of wine, I promise this will pass. I shake my head at myself and think 'How am I coping with this? This is insane' but then I just get head down again and get on with it. It won't be forever.

@Drivingdownthe101 I'm really sorry to hear that. I know RR have several locations - I used to work in Chichester where one is, I know it was a major employer there and the local economy really will be affected

OP, I think it’s beyond shit that we’ve got to the stage where society is saying, she’ll fall behind, but you’ll have to suck it up. It’s disgraceful that we’ve let it come to this.

If you have the means, I’d pay for whatever tutoring is out there.

OP-it’s interesting looking at the last impact missing schooling due to disasters such as the New Zealand earthquake and Hurricane Katrina. This news article might be of slight comfort

www.abc.net.au/news/2020-04-17/will-missing-school-due-to-covid-19-matter-for-school-students/12154266

canigooutyet it’s always been high pressure but before this it was more manageable. The crisis has created loads more pressure because clients are looking to make savings and boost productivity.

To answer your question about why I haven’t looked for other jobs I only joined a year ago. You can’t really leave a job at this level at under a year. Obviously it’s going to be next to impossible to find another job now and certainly would be impossible to find a job in a different industry for which I have no relevant qualifications or expertise.

Chloe good idea. Actually the school is pretty good on the front and my DD’s class teacher checks in a lot.

It’s my work which is the problem.

There is a popular blog post in home ed circles about how schoolchildren actually only spend 1-2 hours per day properly learning. The rest is just crowd control on the teachers part, going from A to B, lunches, play, waiting to do stuff and tidying up from doing stuff.

This op. This is key. Two hours in the morning of focused school work and then reading is fine.

Stop looking on social media. Those photos are of a craft activity that took ten minutes.

LilyMarshall

I have heard that, yes, and it’s reassuring.

I just feel profoundly resentment to have to spend two straight hours on an utterly pointless zoom call on a stunning day when my daughter is pleading with me to be allowed to play with me.

But that’s the game for now...

I hear you. I am wfh and have an 8 year old. Its really tough and waring. I am a lone parent. I do feel like lone parents have been forgotten in this. I've had to massively lower my expectations about what I can do. To be honest, my DD is just doing some online games now and even that's not for very long. She cannot do the learning that has been set for her by herself, I don't have the time to sit with her to do it.

At first, I really tried to do both but we both just ended up getting really stressed. Now things are much calmer and I've noticed a really positive change in my DD. I comfort myself that a cousin of mine missed a load of school when he was younger as he had severe eczema and asthma and he ended up getting a first class honours degree. His parents definitely didn't home school him as they ran a B&B.

Haven't read through all the posts but wanted to put this out there:
I co-parent 50/50 with ex H.
Kept seeing my Ds in the school newsletter (I'm not a natural homeschooler but seems DH gf is all over it)
Ds (6) comes back to me and proudly announces "mummy I was in the school newsletter pretending to read to < half brothers name >"

Its all false and did make me laugh as I'm sure many othe households are pretending to be competent where as, intact it may be staged.

Another thing he came back to me doint was repeating over and over whilst playing "im fed up, ive had enough... im so fed up"

Remember this: never believe anything you see, and only half of what you hear....

• ex H gf (!!!)

my god, the amount of typos

"Never believe anything you hear and only half of what you see"

I lost two whole years of school as a child for health issues but I am now educated to a level way beyond average and had a well paid job until I gave it up. Don't stress about your child not being in school, or not learning anything, it wont have a huge impact.

Just to clarify that I was suggesting finding a volunteer tutor. I would do this for a friend. So would my retired parents. So would just about every retired teacher I can think of (if they could manage the video call and a lot of people have had a crash course in that lately).

DC will often do a lot more work for people who are not their parents.

Exactly Notgoingout. Kids have missed extended periods of schooling since well forever. For a few children absent it's "easier" to manage than well this. And millions like you have proved all the negative nellies you would have had then, wrong. And well done.

To all you volunteers also make sure you aren't taken advantaged of. There are sadly some people out there who will take and take and put on a pity party every time you say err.

If there are properly run by a 3rd party, at least you get some support as well. Plus that barrier.

And I would be wary of offering this to a friend. You must have read some of those threads on here.

Way too many cheeky fuckers about!!