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AIBU?

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What do they do that I don't?

129 replies

BoujiSnail · 19/05/2020 08:26

Dd goes to a quite alternative school in a big city. The class is made up of very different kids but one thing I find strange is that the parents never talk about work. We live in an expensive part of the city and it seems to be me and dp are working full time, some of the European parents work ridiculously hard yet we all live in smaller houses in rougher areas. There is a large majority of parents who live in huge, £300,000 houses who do every pick up and are always on the WhatsApp group all hours of the day.
I always imagined that they worked from home during school hours and maybe stayed up all hours on Skype calls to China but during the Covid drama I've realised that this doesn't seem to be the case as they're all out on bike rides, teaching intricate geography lessons using the various items they've collected on their world travels and genuinely having a lovely time. They don't want to send their kids back until September so obviously not struggling too much.
If I sound jealous it's because I am! What is there secret? How can both parents be free every day and not seem to struggle financially? I'm dying here, working every day, striving for that promotion, promising that I will definitely play Lego as soon as I've done this meeting. Just for us to pay the mortgage on our ex council house. I pull up to little Jago's massive house where the mum is an artist and the dad is a gardener and think what am I missing?

OP posts:
BuzzingtheBee · 19/05/2020 19:28

Were can you get a huge house, in a city for £300,000Shock

They wfh in high paying jobs? Have been gifted money etc

VeniceQueen2004 · 19/05/2020 19:57

OMG OP you're 28 and already have a mortgage - get out of town! Grin seriously you have nothing to worry about. Your 20s are all about slog and ends not quite meeting in the middle. It's the aspirational decade, where you put the effort in and nothing comes easily. Thirties (ime so far) is more of the same but a bit better as by and large you have a clearer and more realistic idea of where you're headed so the pressure to be the next big thing/"the best" etc sort of settled down a bit. I'm hoping from observation that 40s and 50s will bring more self confidence, more contentment, an easing of the financial pressures, and a bit less work. All the happiest, most interesting, time-rich people I know are in their 50s.

As a gnarled 35 year old contemplating the financial hit of a second child after only buying a (small) house a couple of years ago, it sounds to me like you're doing fine. The only thing that's very concerning is the credit card debt as it's a mare to shift and suggests you are living beyond your means. I've always been VERY leery of credit, student loan and mortgage are the only debts I have and I hope will ever have. Have you bought somewhere you can't really afford? I believe you when you say you live frugally but again that's something which is about perspective - do you buy your lunch/coffee? Do you make a meal plan before you shop and stick to it all week? Do you have any brands you will always choose above shop's own? It's amazing how little things add up, and to be £5k in the red either suggests your mortgage is too large for you or something needs cutting out.

Unsolicited opinion over - sorry! As I say I'm a bit debt-phobic so it's probably no issue really.

BarbaraofSeville · 19/05/2020 20:03

Were can you get a huge house, in a city for £300,000

This is getting boring now, the answer is most UK places outside SE England, it's the prices there that are abnormal, not everywhere else.

midwestsummer · 19/05/2020 20:33

If they are a decade older than you op they have had longer to buy and sell property ( the way DH and I have made some money), get inheritance from older family members (others in my wider family have benefited from this), get redundancy payment ( friends have done well out of this), employment tribunals ( likewise).
The sums of money you are talking about aren't huge and another decade of life can make a lot of difference.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 19/05/2020 20:52

I'm coming up to 35, kids are 3 & under 1.
DH and I were on a joint income of around 100k at 28, now it's more like 230k (DH 18m younger than me).

Time can make a huge ddifference.

Also we earn a lot but are paid for our expertise and our responsibility for huge amounts of money if the shit hits the fan. Sometimes our work doesn't take that much time. This is true in particular for my job.

Soph88888 · 19/05/2020 21:22

300k is not a lot for a house???

Lifeisconfusing · 19/05/2020 22:06

300,000 is a lot in some places in the country and no not rough areas very nice ones. Obviously in London you would only get a Ex council House of that.

SunflowerSeedsForever · 19/05/2020 22:35

The cheapest houses here (Yorkshire) are about £230,000 and a big 4 bed terrace in a good area would be £700,000 plus in a not so good area £500,000

nanbread · 19/05/2020 22:49

Our house is worth about 150k more than when we bought it 8 years ago... Well it was before CV hit!

No way we could afford it now, as well as house prices going up our income has gone down loads because we're now paying for childcare and both went part time.

Maybe they bought at the right time.

BoujiSnail · 19/05/2020 22:49

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-77020978.html

OP posts:
SharonasCorona · 19/05/2020 23:05

I live within a half mile radius of millionaires and council homes, i think it’s so normal to be surrounded by people of varying incomes that it would just not occur to me to wonder how people earn their money.

icedgem85 · 20/05/2020 17:43

Huge houses for 300k!? That wouldn’t buy a garage here. Maybe a studio apartment in a bad part of town, if you’re lucky. Please tell me where you live! If we moved out of London, we’d probably be ‘rich’, but here we’re just scraping by. It’s all relative. I earn 500 a day and have done for a long time. It doesn’t get us very far here. We don’t even own a home and have nothing left to save after rent and bills.

Celestine70 · 20/05/2020 17:55

They probably come from money.

Aslan007 · 20/05/2020 18:08

@LongPauseNoReply What business is that that you do that takes care of itself?

FelicisNox · 20/05/2020 18:21

@VeniceQueen2004 I can't tell you how much I love your post.

It's so articulate and relatable.

foodandwine89 · 20/05/2020 18:24

Age does matter, if they're a decade older than you then that would make sense. I am early 30s and working 12 hours a day 5-6 days a week and will be very comfortable by my late 30s (well Corona may ruin my plans and everyone else's but i have no control over that). So the plan is to work less when I have kids.

But having kids when you're older has loads of downsides too. No one gets it perfectly. We do the best we can.

GentleParent · 20/05/2020 18:27

There has often been a leg up somewhere - not necessarily full on trust fund territory, but a healthy gift towards a deposit from a parent / grandparent, or perhaps an inherited flat or holiday home somewhere that now generates rental income... Or parents paying for the "extras" like holidays.

And if those around you are a decade or more older than you, remember they probably got onto the property ladder when property was cheaper compared to wages.

QforCucumber · 20/05/2020 18:36

Dh and I have just bought a 4 bed detached house, we each earn just under 30k and the house was £225k. What do we do that you don't? Well we live in a cheap part of the NE so our wages for our jobs are actually quite low, but its reflected in spends. We are almost in our mid 30s (34 and 33) and have a 4 year old and 2nd baby on the way now - we intentionally waited to ttc, what you wouldn't know Is to get there we have also lost 2 babies too. No family help, no working our arses off in our 20s. Just different circumstances.

QforCucumber · 20/05/2020 18:40

220k here gets you this

www.rightmove.co.uk/s6p/88749530

Mothership4two · 20/05/2020 18:47

Guessing the 'artist' and 'gardener' have downsized with sizeable savings

WendyE · 20/05/2020 18:55

£300k wouldn't even buy you a 2-bed semi around here (Midlands, not London/SE in case you're wondering), so I am curious about that.

As for the high life of the other parents, maybe they're faking it until they make it, or perhaps there's some lottery winners amongst them.

TorkTorkBam · 20/05/2020 18:58

Look them up on LinkedIn.

MacBlank · 20/05/2020 19:04

I find it funny.

Majority wanting £300k mansions, with the rest living an extremely comfortable easy life.

Here's me, and my fiancée getting by now on a single disabled benefit... Ok rent/council tax is paid, and prescriptions are free. Our gas n electric are dearer cos we have to rely on prepay, and a luxurious treat, is lunch out at brewers fare or Spooner's! ... 2 meals for under a tenner, bargain!

Luxury, and easy comfortable living is all relative.

I remember a multimillionaire telling me years ago... Just because my stress n worries are massive, doesn't mean your small ones don't matter.

Like has been said, houses bought in the 90s are quadruple now, so buying a house a few years ago, is going to cost you more and a bigger mortgage... Even if it's a previous council place.

I remember an old friend bought her house in the 70s for 19k, and a few years ago, sold for £300k (around that).

Stop being so jealous, and enjoy YOUR lot. When you're jealous, you obvs aren't or can't enjoy what you do have.... Same school, a well paid job each, and I expect 2 holidays a year (due to circumstances, I've not had a holiday since 1985) a great family, and some lovely (guessing!) Kids.

ENJOY YOUR LIFE, and don't worry about others, you'll enjoy it more.

amispeakingenglish · 20/05/2020 19:41

Spiltmilk I am from Solihull which borders on Brum, def no big houses for £300k here. I wish.

Also I too would like to know what sort of business ticks over, that you can set up at the weekends and only takes 10 hours a week work. PLEASE share your secrets OpenWheelRace and LongPauseNoReply

I am sure most of us would love to know, I spend more time than they selling my cast offs on ebay!!!! Perhaps there could be a new thread sharing this type of information is the spirit of sisterhood???

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