Xbox and meltdowns

[littleblackdress04]

My DS is 12 and pretty hormonal & sensitive. He’s crying everyday at everything & is angry & all over the place.

But I have to say it’s worse after Xbox time to the point where I am not having to block it completely as he’s a wreck after- he’s quite sensitive anyway but he’s worse after.

Aibu to think it’s definitely linked? Lockdown has really affected his mental health & confidence anyway but computer games seem to make his emotions worse

What games is he playing? And why are the reasons he’s having a melt down over?

What contact is he having with friends and family?

Xbox/consoles should be moderated.

What will you replace it with? You could have an xbox free day and see how he goes.

Normally we'd be pushing them to do all of the things he can't at the moment, instead of gaming, so it's difficult.

He’s zooming his mates a bit & chatting a bit by text but he’s quite shy and has lost confidence. He’s either on minecraft or a star wars game that has a fair amount of shooting etc

He’s been a wreck though - I think it’s hormones too- his body is changing & he was saying he was fat the other day & crying. He’s anxious & stressed about school work too & angry - it’s a right jumble of emotions to be honest

We also go to local park every day to play footy & run about & I’ve been getting him to do Joe Wicks too to get some happy hormones going

We had this last week with ds11. Two x box and phone free days and some physical exercise and he is a lot better.

I think it definitely has an effect on behaviour and mental health.

Also think hormones are a big thing too, I think that gets forgotten with boys.

@SewRainbow that’s really interesting! That’s my plan tomorrow is no phone/games/devices to see if he’s better

Honestly it really depends on the games, I wouldn't have thought minecraft would be an issue. No idea about the star wars one.

Competitive online games can absolutely be a stressors but gaming can also be an easy scapegoat. He's told you he is upset about his appearance and stressed about school, and obviously the lockdown is stressful for most people. Pointing the finger at games seems to be a bit of a jump and cutting down on his time playing with friends might have the opposite of the desired effect.

@Wendigogo he’s far worse after gaming though. But yes, it’s lots of things and I have been worried about him - he’s quite unhappy at the moment & doesn’t know why- probably hormones too

Have you spent time with him while he games? It would make it easier to tell if certain games are stressors. Per my pp, I'd be surprised is minecraft itself is the problem, but maybe he's having negative interactions with his peers online.

If the online aspect is the problem, and given our limited options for pastimes currently, maybe there are offline games that could keep him suitably entertained.

My 11yo went a bit feral after too much Xbox. I had to detox him for a week and I moderate his use much more closely.

Yep. Always been a fractious relationship with gaming in our house. Refused consoles for that reason, then relented for lock down and agreed to xbox 360, (weekends only) but after a rainy Sunday when he was on 6 hours, total absolute meltdown this morning. It's going. It's nothing but trouble. He normally plays lego, guitar, reads, goes fishing, but if he has choice of xbox nothing else gets a look in.

It's such a waste of time. And it doesn't make him happy like his more fulfilling hobbies do.

Our DS ( 10) is using the Xbox to chat with friends everyday while playing Fortnite or Minecraft or a Star Wars game. He gets 1.5 hours after school in the evenings during lockdown. Normally it’s that time weekends only.
He plays nothing older than a 12.
I agree - take it off him to see if it helps, or make sure time is limited and there’s no fuss coming off. If our DCs make a fuss about leaving screens when their time is up then they lose playing /watching the next day.

Can I just ask how king he is on at a time? I find long gaming periods rather than 2 sessions better.

I also have said to my Ds if he comes off the x box in a bad mood he won’t go on next day . That helps.

One day x box free in a way isn’t king enough if he is doing nothing . I took my Ds off for a week for a reset - he was vile but actually got it in the end . This wasn’t during lockdown though .

It's definitely linked!! How much time is he spending on the x-box a day? The games that boys mostly play are war games/racing games; games that have a highly competitive edge. They are addictive and designed to 'stoke' the sympathetic nervous system i.e. invoke the 'fight or flight' response. I have videos of my usually polite, respectful, kind son having exactly the same response you are talking about when he comes off Fortnight (which is now banned). I've just asked my son how he felt about these espisodes, he says they made him feel angry, annoyed and out of breath. We have very strict limits about how much time he now spends on x-box and some games are not allowed. He also knows how to do some simple grounding to get his parasympathetic nervous system on board. If you don't do this your son is going to have a shed load of adrenaline pumping around his system; have a google of what that does to the body. We have previously banned the x-box for long periods and my lovely son soon returned.

My son has been much better this week. We relented to getting the xbox live during lockdown so he could chat to friends and mostly it's ok. But dh and I have agreed it will be stopped if bad behaviour returns.

Have a look in Facebook groups at the Game Quitters support group