To tell my dads new gf he's abusive

[Teaandbiscuitsdaily]

So a year and a half ago my dads wife had an affair, they tried to work it would be 6 weeks later he ended up loosing his temper and released an attack on her breaking her nose and causing injury to her face which resulted to 5 months in prison. He stopped because my little sisters barged in. He even admitted himself that if my sisters didn't barge in he could've ended up killing her because he had flipped into a fit of rage and only snapped out of it when the kids disrupted him

This is not an isolated incident tho, 10 years earlier he has broken my step mums arm and beat her up a few times but seemed to have changed and nothing for 10 years

Before that he had inficlicted serious domestic violence on my mum including strangling in front of us children, he ran her over and multiple other incidents of pure torture.

It's really hard for me as I have a lot of emotional issues myself possibly caused by the violence and mind games I endured from my father myself

He is proud to admit he is the master of mind games. Although I am now realising there are many things I do not like about my dad and he has even tried to ruin my own relationship.

He has been in a new relationship with a women for around 2 months. He has admitted to her about the incident a year and a half ago that lead to his incarceration but nothing else and they seem so happy...may I add he was in prison 23 years ago for cutting someone up with a Stanley blade.

I feel so torn as to whether I should tell her and rein holy hell on my own life because I know my father is capable of it and will she even take note or act on love is blind.

I want to protect her but I will admit part of this is for me to dish him what he's done.

Should I leave well alone or should I tell her?

Thanks

I can send her a letter anonymously, I know her address as I once picked her up. My dad would not expect it of me as he has conditioned me into being a 'family abiding member' that follows his belief that we should stick together regardless and I did this, I've always supported him, now I've realised he's probably the root to all my problems and how destructive he's been on people lives including my mother.

I am considering sending a letter not giving much away other than the facts. There aren't any news articles as my mum always dropped charges due to fear.

I was clearing the attic this week and saw a letter to my mum from the police saying the police were dropping the charges of him running her over because not enough evidence... I was a witness to this as a child. I am now 24 and really concerned that he has every possibility of doing this all again.

All the people saying stay out of other people's business (?!) That is why 2 women a week are murdered by their partners

Agree with this, but you need to be very careful, OP. Calling 101 would be a good place to start IMO. Aside from that, you need to distance yourself from this dangerous man as much as possible. It sounds like you can see him for what he truly is now. I’m so sorry for what he’s put you and your family through

That is why 2 women a week are murdered by their partners

Wrong, women are murdered by their partners because of mysoginistic views,society and laws.
Women are murdered bu their partners because they can and because a lot of the time they can also get away with it.

Print out the details of the court case. Post them to her.

If she is aware of the prison sentence already and ignoring it I would suggest that anything you say is unlikely to make a difference sadly.

Warn her. That's the least you can do. Why is he still part of your life? Warn her and cut him dead. This is a wake up call you should have seen coming. This man has no right to have a place in your life.

How about a mock up official letter?

Dear Ms X

In accordance with (made up) law, here is the information you requested:

court appearance of DF for x, y, z
Verdict:
Sentence:

Etc.

Do you know anyone close to her? Someone who you could talk to about this, and trust enough to tell her, without letting it slip that it came from you?
If so, then I definitely would. Or do a Clare's Law application on her behalf (although I wouldn't know how the logistics of that work).

I think you have to judge it on which end result would be the easiest to live with. If you tell her and there's a backlash, or if you don't tell her and she's next. Whichever you choose the fault and the consequences will be entirely down to him, but either way you'll still be another victim, you just have some power to choose the route.

The prison wouldn't necessarily be enough to put her off. It's unlikely he's told her the truth about why.

Miljea and if he sees that and thinks his new partner has requested information? Not a good idea, given how clearly volatile he is.

Tell her. She's a woman. Why would you want your dad to be able to hurt her?

Are you still in touch with your dad? Why? I'd be blocking him. Do you think counselling would help you get over your childhood?

Why are you still letting your dad in your life....he is a nasty violent poor excuse of a human being

You've seen him hurt and even try to kill your mum in the past....you need to help yourself first and get him out your life before you try to save his current gf

Please tell her, think of someone had been able to warn the women before. An anonymous letter, and perhaps a difficult to trace number so she can talk to you herself if she wishes. You would be doing a very brave thing, and could save a life. No doubt he’s lied through his teeth about the prison

Definitely make her aware ! I'm so sorry you have had to deal with an abuser OP please distance yourself from him people.like that don't change and are dangerous

You must tell her. Like others have said - Claire's Law. Call the police and ask them to speak to her. This action may change the course of her life.
Please, don't think twice about it.
I'd also like to add for your own sake, you need to move away from this man in as safe a way as possible.
I've found this quite distressing to read. I'm sorry for what you and your family have been through x

I'm that people are saying "stay out of it" WRT a violent man and his potential victim. WTF has this place come to?!

Personally, I would absolutely tell her. This man has a documented, criminal history of violence and he is a danger to this woman. I would hazard a guess that if she was provided with this critical information, she would almost certainly not pursue a relationship with him.

You need to protect yourself, so I think sending her an anonymous letter would be the best idea.

I know that if I was starting a relationship with a man who has a history like your father's I would be horrified if those who were aware didn't try to warn me. This could literally be a situation where this woman could be killed at the hands of this man, and multiple people has information they withheld that could have saved her.

I'm so sorry for what you have endured, and what your family has suffered x

As @nancyjuice7 said, Claire's law. She is more likely to listen to the police than an anonymous note. This is what the law is for, to let women know they may be at risk.

@GlummyMcGlummerson. I couldn’t agree more ...
I’m astonished that anyone would say stay out of it ... so much for supporting each other....
No doubt if this man killed this poor woman there would be people on here outraged .....

@Teaandbiscuitsdaily oh you poor thing. What a weight you carry on your shoulders.

Where are your sisters? Do they live with him?

I would tell her anonymously as well. And stay the hell away from him.

My ex DH once stamped on my face. He was a vile nasty bully and I was good friends with his sister and really think she should have warned me what I was getting involved with when we got together. I still would have stayed with him but it is hard to know that people could help you and chose not to. Even now years later I worry about his new wife.

You also need to stop seeing your dad. He is cruel and controlling and will damage you emotionally even if he doesn't hit you.

I agree with previous posters. Ask the police to do a Claires law disclosure and keep your name out of it.

If when they've sat her down and told her all the details she chooses to stay with him you've done everything you can.

I'm that people are saying "stay out of it" WRT

Am not shocked. He almost killed (ran her over. Several times) his ex-wife her mom so there is no way of telling he wouldn't do this to her. May be these posters are thinking of op's safety.

I do think you have to be very careful how you do this op. I second going the Claire's law route. Tell the police and let them deal with it.

*Known as Clare’s Law, it also allows others with concerns (e.g. family members, friends, neighbours) to make an application if they have concerns about the welfare of another person.

If checks show that a person has a record of abusive behaviour, or there is other information to indicate that there may be a risk we will consider sharing this information with the person thought to be at risk. The scheme aims to help people to make a more informed decision on whether to continue a relationship, and...*
www.dyfed-powys.police.uk/en/accessing-information/clare-s-law-domestic-abuse-disclosure-scheme/
Please do not put yourself in danger to save another. You both deserve to be safe

I wouldn’t get involved given you say she’s already aware of an incident of DV that sent him to prison. If that didn’t make her run for hills, telling her it wasn’t the first time isn’t going to change anything.

If you can safely do it preferably through police op please do.
I hope this is your first step towards cutting him out of your life forever. You owe him nothing and you owe your children that they don’t know him except perhaps to know grandpa is a bad man who hurts people and if he ever comes knocking don’t answer.