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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

With being the only one

28 replies

FurloughedOff · 18/05/2020 13:02

I'm locked down with DH and DD18.

DD is in her room binge watching Netflix (she's not doing her A'Level exams so no school work)
For the first 6 weeks, DH was working from home but since then, he has been furloughed.
Nothing seems to have changed, he is still shut away on the computer doing hobby based research (think family tree type exercise).

No issues with this as far as it goes but AIBU to be completely f'd off that I'm the only one who

Makes the bed
Does the washing and ironing
Plans and makes meals - if I ask what they fancy, it's don't mimd whatever you fancy.
Fills/Empties the dishwasher - big things thrown in as quickly as possible to take up as much space as possible so that only half of items fit, rest left on the side.
Sweeps the floor
Empties the bin - if they do it they don't put a new liner in
Does the planning for and does the shopping
Cleans the bathroom
Changes the bed sheets
Etc

If I ask for things to be done they're completed in a half baked manner or it's, "yes in a minute" but then 3 hours later they're still not done and I'm nagging if I remind them.
Honestly, I really think that I'd move in with my eldest DD, if it wasn't for the fact that DH is shielding due to asthma so I'm the one who goes the shopping as well as supporting my own DPs.

Sorry, rant over I just needed to get it of my chest.

OP posts:
rosecreakybex · 18/05/2020 13:32

Stay on your room for the rest of the week and only make meals for yourself

rosecreakybex · 18/05/2020 13:32

Or move in with your eldest DD and drop a food delivery off to your DH and DD once a week

Macncheeseballs · 18/05/2020 13:34

Yabu, but what's the point of ironing

CurlyEndive · 18/05/2020 13:35

Of course you're not being unreasonable. Just stop!

RedskyAtnight · 18/05/2020 13:36

Time for a housework rota?
With clear expectations for each task e.g. if you empty the bin, you put a clean bag in

Muh2020 · 18/05/2020 13:41

Stop doing anything for them.
Make your own meals and leave them to it.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 18/05/2020 13:43

Well you could move in with her... or just stop martyring yourself. Nobody has noticed.... yet!

pinkyredrose · 18/05/2020 13:50

Stop doing it, no one respects a martyr. Take a leaf out of their books and please yourself.

AtrociousCircumstance · 18/05/2020 13:52

Move in with your DD, drop shopping off at your H’s door if needs be. Tell both of them exactly why you’re moving.

Fuck that!

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 18/05/2020 13:53

Why are you running around like mother hen? You live with 2 adult. What is it with some women, why do they feel the need to be this way?

Move in with your eldest, drop DH food once a week 🤷🏻‍♀️

CrazyToast · 18/05/2020 14:12

YANBU but if you keep doing it all, nothing wil change. Stop now.

letmethinkaboutitfornow · 18/05/2020 14:16

YABU - you let them get away with it. Big girl pants on and have a sit down session with both of them. Then you (calmly!) list all chores and ask who wants to do what. Stop playing a martyr

Tobebythesea · 18/05/2020 14:22

All the above. Just stop. They don’t bother because they know you will do it all.

DeeplyMovingExperience · 18/05/2020 14:24

Tell him - "I'm sick of doing everything and I'm not going to do it any more."

Then stop doing everything. Just "do" for yourself. If the house goes to wrack and ruin, then so be it. If he complains about anything, tell him to do it himself because after 18 years, your shift is O-V-E-R.

chrislilleyswig · 18/05/2020 14:28

Just stop doing things for them.

Yeahnahmum · 18/05/2020 14:33

Stop. Doing. All. This.

Igotmylipstickon · 18/05/2020 14:48

Make an announcement to them first, telling them you are fed up doing everything and will no longer be doing everything around the house. Tell them you expect them to share these jobs with you and if they don't, that you will be only looking after yourself. Then, follow through.

Original poster
FurloughedOff · 18/05/2020 17:20

Or move in with your eldest DD and drop a food delivery off to your DH and DD once a week
Alas she lives too far away otherwise I really think I would.

Yabu, but what's the point of ironing
Haven't done any ironing for ages, but there are a few items that you can't get away with leaving. Maybe it would be more accurate to say putting clothes away rather than ironing.
Bathrooms and kitchen floor haven't been cleaned for over a week - Envy not envy - guess it's only me that's bothered.
I've already stopped making lunches.
Last lot of washing is still in the laundry basket after being on the line.

I guess I'm fed up of doing all the head work.

Big girl pants on and have a sit down session with both of them. Then you (calmly!) list all chores and ask who wants to do what. Stop playing a martyr
Yeah, I know, been feeling a bit low the last few days and think it just all got to me this morning and I needed to vent. I've lost track of the number of times I've done this. Works for a few days then back to square one. When DH is working, then he sort of has a point if I'm not. This is the first he's not had this excuse. Guess I'll just try again - hard to have arguments when there is no escape from each other, though.

DH has been told to expect to be furloughed until October - think my patio might need re-laying by then. It's probably a three or four corpse person sized job if anyone needs to join me.Grin

OP posts:
letmethinkaboutitfornow · 18/05/2020 17:36

@furloughedoff - now that`s the spirit! Grin - especially the last sentence, I hope you leave it as a final resort! Wink

People can easily slip back to bad habits, dont let that happen from the beginning - as soon as you see anyone deviating, just casually check what is going on, whether they need any help - they might want to swap your cleaning the loo to their loading the washing machine.
AND! if they dont do it despite your hints, then dont just take them upon yourself to get them done.

It is hard - and everyone has low points - or whole valleys in my case! But try to find something that can always lift your spirit! (preferably alcohol-free though! Wink )

Good luck! You are not alone Flowers

Original poster
FurloughedOff · 23/05/2020 14:50

I swear DH has read this thread. Everytime I've psyched myself up to say something he goes and does a job which then leaves him with a convincing "well I've just done..."

I still plan to raise the issue, I'm just biding my time and waiting for the right moment. It'll probably be right after he says something like "the toilet could use a clean" or "where's my shorts".

DD has picked up that I'm a bit narked and made some comments when DH said "are you making dinner soon". It's just a shame she hasn't twigged that I'm narked at her too but, again, just waiting for the right moment as I'm not soing it twice.

OP posts:
NearlyGranny · 23/05/2020 14:59

Three adults, nobody working, chores need dividing in three. Then it will be you saying, "Where's my shorts?" and, "Is dinner started?"

And don't forget "Whatever you fancy making," when anyone asks what's for dinner.

CurlyEndive · 23/05/2020 15:05

You need a proper rota OP. Then it doesn't become a tit-for-tat conversation of "I did this" "well I did this". Everyone knows what's expected of them.

CatandtheFiddle · 23/05/2020 15:07

Just shop & cook for yourself. And lie in bed reading a book the rest of the time.

Marsalimay · 23/05/2020 15:13

I agree, split the jobs or just do your own stuff. In fact, ask them what they'd prefer.

(Can't understand why people get themselves in to this kind of situation).

wantmorenow · 23/05/2020 17:50

Go to DD. Your husband can drive to the shops. Stay in car and other DD do shopping. Or she can walk. Or they can do online. Or just do big shop of tins and frozen stuff. Then leave. Might be the making of a better marriage that's based upon respect for you. X