To love being an only child?

[NotTheLemonGumDrops]

I see so many posts on here where people feel guilty that they can't 'give' their child a sibling.

I just wanted to say that I am really happy as the only child. I had a really good childhood and I don't think it affected me at all, nor has it affected me as an adult.

Are there any other only children on here that were /are perfectly happy not to have siblings and don't understand why it's seen as so awful?

I'm not in any way suggesting it's better, but I don't really understand why it's seen as worse than or having multiple brothers/sisters or something for people to feel guilty about. It has never bothered me at all.

I'm an only and was lonely as a child. No cousins either.

I'm also a pretty lonely adult because I had my dc quite young and grew apart from my friendship group. I do wish I had a sibling or two.

I have 3 dc and planning on a 4th. I want them to have each other in childhood and adulthood.

Yes, only child here. I was raised by my mum on her own so we have a really good bond. Never felt any particular desire for a sibling and still don't as an adult.

My DS is an only child and will be staying that way. He is having a different kind of upbringing to me as although I'm divorced his dad is still in his life whereas mine wasn't.

I guess I've quite an 'intense' relationship with my mum too I'd say. But I like it to be honest, she's my best friend.

@NotTheLemonGumDrops it can be good but it also puts pressure on me as I feel I need to go out of my way to make my mum happy rather then focusing on my own life etc

Yep - same here. As i’ve grown older, my desire for a sibling has lessened into nothing. I feel relieved there’s no tensions, jealousy, feuds or favouritism. My (divorced) parents are like my best friends and I couldn’t imagine adding someone else into the mix. Especially seeing dp’s relationship with his sister whose three years younger - it’s just non-existant much to their parents dismay and really just makes me wonder “what’s the point?”. I’ve never felt deprived.

lovepickledlimes I can definitely agree with you there though

I think a lot comes down to your specific experience/parents. My dad was in the military and we moved a lot. So many new schools in the middle of term not knowing anyone. My dad away all the time (he made my birth and my 21st, missed every other birthday and my graduation) leaving me with my emotionally abusive mum. Screaming rows, drinking too much, being privy to details about my parents relationship I'm uncomfortable knowing now as a 42 year, let alone as a 5 year old. I have cousins of a similar age but we were rarely in the same country.

Then my dad died and everything fell to me. I've always wished I had a sibling and despite having an horrific experience having dc1 including a psychotic break, dc2 turned up 3 years later.

My "family" consists of my mum. Dh has siblings, 2 parents and a load of nephews plus a niece.

I was an only child until I was 12, & I was happy until then.

After that......

I do envy fiancé and how close he is to his siblings. Looking at family holiday photos, him and brother playing computer games together etc.

I think for me there is also a huge sense of guilt as I have moved into a different country to my mum and know she is all on her own is a huge issue I struggle with. If I had a sibling she would not be all on her own etc

I think it's all to do with individual experience. I am one of 4 and close to all my 3 siblings from childhood to now (we are all in our 30's)
I would have hated being an only child for many reasons. I remember going back to college after Christmas break and we had had the best Christmas all together. I asked my friend how her Christmas was (who is an only child) and she said "so boring and quiet, it's a relief to get back to college" I didnt share it with her but I felt so sad for her at that point
It is so so lovely as adults to be able to relive all out childhood memories together (our mum did have us 4 close together) and its reassuring to know when the worst happens and we lose our parents/they get very sick that myself and my siblings will support each other no matter what.
I would put a disclaimer though that my parents could afford to bring up 4 children in a decent way and we have all got on 95% of the time - my friend who I mentioned earlier is happy she is an only just like I am happy with the opposite so as long as you look at the positives of whatever situation you are in then it's all good surely

I love being an only child. I'd have hated having a sibling and having siblings is no guarantee of anything, i know so many who don't talk and often care of an elderly parent is left to one child anyway.

I have an only (9yrs) and no chance of another. DH has a younger brother and because of his experience he was adamant that he was only ever going to have one. He remembers being shunted off to his Granny when the younger sib showed up and basically ignored for quite a few years. He also had to bear the brunt of responsibility for his mother, who was not mentally stable, when he was a young teenager. I have an older sister and we have always got on so I wanted that kind of relationship for my DS but that is never guaranteed. DS has never wanted a sibling and would get very upset when I cuddled other babies when he was a wee toddler. He still maintains he doesn't want a sibling and thinks he's got it much better than his friends who do.
I worry that he will have no-one to help and support him when we get older because my family are overseas and DHs family are useless.

I had a lovely early childhood as an only child. A fantastic mum and fantastic grandparents and older relatives.
As a teenager however I'd have loved a brother or sister. I found being an only quite lonely and I also felt quite intense scrutiny and pressure somehow. I was quite awkward and I'd have loved to have shared my teenage years with a sibling to take some of the pressure off.
As an adult I'd love to have a brother or sister to share memories with and basically share life with. I would love my DC to have an aunt or uncle and cousins on 'my side' but the buck stops with me in that regard.
My mum was also an only and I missed having cousins to play with and although I had great aunts and uncles I didn't have 'proper' ones. (If that makes sense)

I am taking comfort from the happy only posts here.
DD is an only (I was almost 40 having her) and is, for the most part, quite happy (she's now 7) but she is really really missing her friends at the moment.
She and her cousin (also an only) have an incredibly strong bond, they are more like brother and sister, and DSis and I both take comfort from this, thinking ahead to when we are gone.

I thought DC would be an only child. She still is but we are coming round to the idea of another. For me, it was my mums experience as an only child which has made (especially me) reconsider. She had a wonderful childhood as the child of much older parents (38&39) with the occasionally touch of envy for peers with siblings, but says it got much harder as they got older and frailer with all the care and organisation falling to her as they became too unwell to do it themselves. We did have carers, but she basically had to run two households, work and bring up her own family. Organise house moves, shopping, occy health, dentist, wheelchairs, doctors and hospital appointments, day trips and eventually respite care home issues. Anything you can imagine would happen in day to day life she had to take care of and whilst many will say there is help for all that tbh it’s so hard to organise and maintain it wasn’t possible (an example would be visits from various professionals would get cancelled as soon as a stay in hospital would occur and could take months to reinstate even if the hospital stay was short). Whilst she never complained, I see now what a huge life dominating that was for her and my dad - it was 10 years of their life. Even after both grandparents died there was the funerals, solicitors, probate and house sales (again!) House clearances etc. They both lived well into their nineties so had outlived what few siblings and family they had as well as friends so it really was just my mum and her memories. We try to talk about it them as much as we can but most of our childhood memories from our early teens are dominated by their ill health and how we knew them wasn’t really how they’d been most of their life, if that makes sense?

I’m an only child. I was very happy growing up and never felt lonely. I’m still happy to be an only child. Having said that I have two sons who are very close and I love their bond.

Another very happy only child here! Ups and downs in my childhood, but none relating to being an only child and in many ways it was probably simpler. I very much enjoyed the adult interaction when I was little (although that may have been irritating for my parents!).

I have one LO now and we are on the fence about trying for a second because our family dynamic feels very "normal" to us. However, because DH is an only child also we will try for a second, since our LO wouldn't have any aunts, uncles or cousins to enjoy later on if it's just the three of us (or when we die).

My mother is an only child, she is the most contented, happy, positive role model I know (she’s 87 ), she has a huge circle of friends and a wide variety of interests.

We have an only child (by choice), he is out going, confident and friendly, settled very happily into uni life and ‘independence’ and has never, ever said he would like a sibling. He is managing lockdown very well and never moans about not being with friends.

So many siblings just don’t get on ... of course I know lots do but it’s pointless to think that having more than one child means that they will always be friends.

With regards to having siblings so they can help with caring for older parents it doesn’t always work out like that. My mil has 4 siblings but has always done virtually everything for her parents who are in their nineties now and very demanding. The others phone it in occasionally.

I'm an only child,didn't mind it too much.As I had loads of cousins nearby.
My parents are both dead so no elderly people to take care of.

The only downside was my DM,she didn't let me out to play.Was very controlling.So now I find it hard to make friends.

I am an only and I would rather not exist

Why is that though, if you don't mind me asking?

With regards to having siblings so they can help with caring for older parents it doesn’t always work out like that. My mil has 4 siblings but has always done virtually everything for her parents who are in their nineties now and very demanding. The others phone it in occasionally.

Having been a carer for family members and worked in care I've found that this is extremely common. It was true in the majority of families in my experience. Personally I'd have been much more resentful about caring if I'd had siblings who did nothing to help than I was doing it alone. And I'm grateful that I didn't have to argue with anyone about how to do it. It's difficult when they have very different ideas about care.

A friend is one of three and her and her eldest Sister care for their elderly Father who lives with them, and it's good that they can share the care, but their other Sister lives about 5 hours away, but drops in a few times a year to criticise what they're doing and makes no attempt to help. It understandably drives them crazy.

Just to say the grass isn’t always greener - DH hates his brother and their bad relationship has a very negative effect on his life. Siblings does not always equal happiness! Ditto on the “someone to help you out with ageing parents” - My dad’s sister did absolutely nothing to help him with my grandparents, he looked after them entirely alone.

I have 1 sibling with a large age gap so we essentially had a sort of 'only child' upbringing. We were not close as kids as the gap was far too big and I utterly resented being expected to babysit as a teenager just as my social life was taking off. My parents revelled in re-discovering their social life by making me stay at home. I hated it and felt very, very resentful. I was always expected to make every concession and give in to my younger siblings demands 'because they were younger' resulting in a spoilt, babied sibling. I left home at 18 and never lived there again after that.

My sibling was over indulged and this continued well into adulthood. I was always cast in the role of being responsible and having to step up and my sibling was always excused as they were younger.

We've faced a number of huge challenges in the family over the past 15 years and at first sibling didn't step up to the plate. I was doing it all. In the end I had to take a step back and in fairness they have improved a bit. We now in our early and late 40's!!

We have an only teen ourselves and they have never, ever wanted a sibling. It was initially not our choice, secondary infertility no reason for it. But we're fine with it now. Dc is very i dependent, outgoing, has a hugely busy social life with friends and hobby.

Both dh and I work full time, we have a very strong and happy marriage and a wide social circle and we absolutely do not cultivate a dependence on dc. We're closer than I was to my parents but we also VERY different types of parents. By choice.

Dh is one of 5 and not close to any of his family at all. There are no guarantees.

I refuse to spend my life regretting something that was utterly out of our control. We give dc the very best of what we can offer and childhood was filled with fun, adventure, travel, reading, friends etc We can do no more than that. I feel our dc will be well equipped to go out into the world knowing that we have their back as long as we live and we will leave them comfortable (hopefully) when we're gone.

Do parents who have fighting, incompatible kids spend their lives regretting how they ruined their first kids life by having more? Does anyone ever admit this or think this? No? And yet parents of 'only' (HATE this description) are regularly faced with these questions and it is largely negative perceptions from what i read on here